Resolve to Be the Best Me

I recently read that only 8% of stated goals are met. I don't have any proof or documentation about this, so I'm not making an official claim -- the more important thing is to think about how to make sure mine end up in the "achieved" category. Part of what I'm learning is that in order to achieve big things, I need to write it out and revisit it on a regular basis, making it a part of my vision for the year. So, for 2014 I'm making a vision board, a process I've found to be very therapeutic, relaxing and energizing for my soul.

My vision is something I'll have to reach for, but when I accomplish it, I'll be so thankful I did. It's not something I can explain in just one sentence; rather, it's a culmination of things that I want to happen over the course of this year and the next five years. The gist of my vision, though, is about becoming the BEST ME I CAN POSSIBLY BE.

So, I came up with a list of New Year's resolutions to help me achieve my vision:

1. Practice kindness, positivity and encouragement with all people, even when not immediately reciprocated. Kill them with kindness to grow more peace and love in the world.
2. Focus on my well-being: mentally, physically, socially, spiritually. Be more active and fit, practice meditation, yoga and deep breathing, get my heart rate up on a regular basis. Share wellness ideas with others to hold myself accountable too -- use my new Facebook group called The Wellness Project as a forum for sharing ideas and discussion (JOIN US in this group! Request and I'll add you!)
3. Lean into fear. When I'm scared, revisit this question: "What Would I Do If I Weren't Afraid?"
4. Don't worry so much about failing. Each small failure means I'm diving in, and a series of small failures does not equal general life failure.
5. Prioritize the things in life that make my heart sing, like my beautiful, growing family, friends who are there no matter what, hot sun in July, dark chocolate with red wine, nostalgic music, and water.
6. Don't sweat the small stuff. If things don't go perfectly, smile and move on. Time will heal most everything.
7. Show Jake the same support for achieving his dreams as he does for mine.
8. Buy less things. Decrease the volume of "stuff" we own and accumulate.
9. Celebrate successes and have fun! Smile a lot.

What are your resolutions? Post them here, or at least write them down for yourself. I want you to be the best you can possibly be in 2014, too!

It's Okay to Cry

My good friend Jennie sent me this article, saying "I thought of you when I read this." My first reaction was-- gosh, it might be okay to cry at work, but is it okay to be the one people think of when they read an article saying it's okay to cry at work?? I also had a similar reaction when my old boss clipped an article out of the newspaper and sent it to me, saying "Thought of you," and the article was about why more women cry at work than men.

So-- these people are obviously pointing it out blatantly to me, and while I could wonder if there's hidden meaning behind these articles ending up in my inbox, I'm honestly just embracing it. Actually, owning it. Sheryl Sandberg says it's okay.

In reality, I spent a lot of my 20s getting feedback and input from other people on how to be and how to act, how I was perceived and how to tow the line. I should be "less this" and "more that" and use qualifiers and phrase things a certain way. To be honest, I gained a LOT of perspective about how what I say impacts others. I am so incredibly grateful for being able to look at myself from outside of myself (if you haven't tried this, it's exhausting but OH SO worth it). It has helped me a great deal in building genuine relationships, having casual relationships, and in dealing with tougher situations.

I also vividly remember when I hit 30 years old, I said to myself, "This decade is going to be SOOO much better than the last." And I think in part I feel this way because I'm frankly not going to try so hard to please everyone. It's exhausting! I've had this fear of disappointing others, this fear of being called out as different and not fitting the mold. However, do I really want to look back on my life and say to myself, "Gosh, I accomplished so much; I fit the mold and did what others expected of me." Not really my main purpose in life!

I do want to be liked. That's no secret. I also want to be respected. BUT--- as my mother-in-law recently reminded me, I can only control myself and my actions. I can't control how others respond in every situation. I will continue to focus on the Maya Angelou quote because I want to bring LOVE into the world and leave things better than I found them. I want to drive a beautiful purpose into this world, for and with my family and friends.

But when things don't go well, or someone does something that is hurtful or feels disappointed by something I said or did, or we have conflict, it's okay to cry. Whether around family, friends, or in the office. Emotions help us build deeper connections and as Sheryl says, help us place authenticity over perfectionism. All great things for living large and focusing on people and purpose.

So, I will continue to think about how emotions impact others' view of us, but when they happen, I'll also make sure that as long as I'm being genuine and true to myself and the relationship at hand, it's okay to cry. The tears will dry but the impact of the moment will likely last longer, and hopefully make us better.

"People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel." --Maya Angelou

It's Gonna Be Okay

It's been an awesome Christmas week and I'm excited for New Year's week as well. I just can't believe how much fun it is to have more time at home, focused on my family, especially since when I'm at work during the week and Jake is working on the weekends, time as a family is scarce. Too scarce, I'd say.

We also have had an amazing transition this week, as Kennedy moved from her crib to her toddler bed 5 nights ago and it's gone smoothly every night. However, as I reminisce on 2013, it has not always gone smoothly.

I think about the sleepless nights that we started out the year with, when Kennedy still wasn't sleeping through the night (and I felt like the only parent with a 10-month-old who couldn't figure it out.) Would she EVER sleep through the night without a major cry-it-out session?!

I think about the time she bumped her face on the bricks outside and cut her lip open, and how awful I felt about not watching her more carefully.

I think about the time she blistered her fingers on my flat iron in the morning, after grabbing the ceramic plates with her hand - and could not be consoled all day.

I think about the time I heated up her rice too hot, and she was eating without a shirt on, and she poured it on herself and the hot rice stuck to her and she wailed.

I think about the mornings I let her watch Minnie while I shut my eyes on the couch, just wishing she would focus on the show so I could drift off to sleep for a little longer.

I think about the work days I missed her immensely, but then got home and found that her cranky attitude made me wish bedtime was a little sooner.

I think about the long afternoon/evenings when Jake was working, or the full weekend days Jake was at class, when I wasn't sure how she and I would fill our entire day just the two of us. And how sometimes I would put her to bed 15 minutes earlier for me, because I needed that extra time to myself.

And I read this article. All of these moments made me feel guilty, like shouldn't I LOVE every single minute with this little 1-year-old? Shouldn't I pay closer attention so she doesn't have accidents and doesn't get hurt? Shouldn't I be thankful for her expression of feelings even if they were not the most positive feelings at the moment?

Let Me Be The One Who Says It Out Loud

It was so refreshing. I'm pretty sure the first time I read it, I actually had tears running down my face. Not every moment is going to be perfect, and that's okay. And then when I read this line, I completely burst out laughing: "You have little dictators living in your house. If someone else talked to you like that, they’d be put in prison."

Parenting is not easy -- our society romanticizes it through mommy blogs, Anne Geddes style newborn photos, and the biggest culprit of all: Facebook. Everyone else's life looks a lot easier and a lot better when all we see are the things they share with us online. Remember, they choose the posts and photos that represent their lives in the best light possible, too!

As I head into the new year, I am sure there will be more moments like the ones from this year. But there will also be the million other moments I've written about that truly become the focus, the reason we keep smiling. My goal (one of them) is to take the tough moments in stride and focus on the ones that go well, and remember that I'm a completely good parent even with those mishaps. And if you're a parent, you are, too! Don't forget it! Cheers to a 2014 with mistakes that make us laugh, and little dictators that don't make us (too) crazy. We all gotta love a little crazy though, right?!

Baby Sister

So, as I hear is typical for all subsequent pregnancies, the daily focus on this pregnancy hasn't been as strong as it was with the first (even though older siblings think their little sibs get all the attention the rest of their lives!) However, Baby Sister has been in our thoughts, prayers, wishes and dreams every single day. I can tell you right now she's about the size of an artichoke and 1.7 lbs!! That's pretty crazy and cool to think about. It's just unreal to me to think of when Kennedy was in my belly and the size of an artichoke, 1.7 lbs, and now she's completely her own little person, walking, running, talking, and playing independently.

I can also tell you Baby Sister is quite active! I think often more active in my belly than Kennedy was -- maybe she'll be a runner? I get kicks very consistently throughout the day. She's just communicating with her crazy family!

I also have visions of Baby Sister's personality. We'll see if any of this is right, but I just have a feeling on some of it. I think she'll be a mellow, laid-back little girl. I think she'll be a snuggler, wanting to be close to people and relax in their arms. I think she'll know how to relax a lot more than her big sister, and I think she'll have a go-with-the-flow mentality. I think she'll stop and smell the roses on more than one occasion, be fashionably late to things, and care more about the quality of the time she spends with people than being on time to her next affair. She'll be chill, and take things in stride.

Of course, none of this could be true, but it's still fun to dream about. Kennedy came out of the womb with a ferocity and intense spark which was obvious even during her first 20 minutes of crying. Her face scrunched up in the same way it still does when she cries-- and her personality shone through that day the way I see it every day.

No matter who you are, Baby Sister, we can't wait to meet you. We talk about you, and Kennedy knows all about you already. She claps her hands and gets very excited when we talk about you two playing together. This week we took down the crib to prepare for your time with it; it's amazing to me to think the next time we set it up and lay a baby in there, it'll be YOU. We'll wait patiently these next three months, even though at times we wish we could meet you sooner than that! And I know that once you arrive, Kennedy will want to move faster than you and play at her pace, but I'm sure she'll be gentle and loving and learn exactly what you need. You two are going to make a million memories together, and we can't wait.

Transitions

Transitions have always been hard for me, for as long as I can remember. I often joke that I'd still be in high school if they let me (and it's completely true-- they basically had to push me out!!) The crazy thing is, I didn't want to leave high school (or elementary, or junior high) because it was so much FUN, but every time I have been forced to move, it's been absolutely amazing and I enjoy the new stage even better than that last.

Today, I witnessed a similar reaction in Kennedy. We decided to try out the toddler bed during these couple of weeks when I'm around home a lot more frequently, so Jake took down the crib today. I took her in to watch so she was along for the process, and she immediately started crying, saying "no, no, no!" and wanted us to lift her into her crib, even though the bedding and mattress were removed. It actually broke my heart because I was feeling nostalgic for the transition and sad that my baby girl was no longer going to be sleeping in her crib, like she did since she was a tiny baby. It brought back memories of the first nights in her crib, when she was so tiny it literally swallowed her up. Then it made me think of the more recent days when she would ask to get in her crib so she could bounce around, jump and spin in circles and fall down. And of course the times I'd climb into her crib with her to be silly, cuddle, soothe her, and pretend to go to sleep.

Gosh we've had a fun 21 months with that crib. She has become an amazingly good sleeper (she generally sleeps straight through from 7:30 or 8pm for almost 12 hours!) and she's never fussed about going to bed. Sure, we've had multiple nights with a dozen wake ups, but it's never been due to a dislike for her crib.

So now, as we prepare for Baby Sister, we decided to put some time between her use of the crib and her little sister's use of the crib, so there *hopefully* isn't bedroom envy. After the initial "no, no, no!" Jake set up the toddler bed and she gave us a huge smile, crawled right up and bounced around like it was her new favorite toy.

You see, the change curve starts with denial, then resistance, then exploration, then commitment. I'd say we skipped through denial and resistance pretty quickly, then she spent the late morning exploring the possibilities (constantly running to her room to jump and play on her new bed) and by nap time, she was committed.

And now she's sleeping like an angel, and tomorrow is Christmas Eve and all feels right with the world. I have a feeling the first part of 2014 is going to shake things up a bit-- professionally, personally, and when we welcome a new member to our family. But right now, all I feel is peace.

Merry Christmas to you all!! May you be blessed, healthy and happy as you think about the coming year and all of the possibilities ahead!

Family

It's certainly that time of year when we focus on family. For some, it's a harder time because of the focus on family; I'd say we feel pretty fortunate for our strong ties to family on both sides. Sure, there is some crazy involved, and nothing is perfect, but we are lucky to have two very distinct family experiences that our kids will grow up with on each of the two sides.

First, there's the small but mighty side (my side). We have 2 wonderful cousins, and a few aunts and uncles, but most of them live in other states so we are not as fortunate to see them on a regular basis. They were here for Thanksgiving (so wonderful!) and my aunt took this picture of our clan-- currently 6 going on 7 people. We are growing ever so slightly! We always have lots of fun as a more nuclear (rather than extended) family. Our time together is always comfortable and relaxed. We have routines and traditions (e.g., I always keep score in card games) and enjoy wonderfully cooked meals and time talking together. We're excited to head to my parents' for the entire day on Christmas Eve.

Then, there's Jake's side. He grew up with aunts, uncles and cousins all around him on a very regular basis. He has about 20 cousins in total, and as you can imagine with spouses and significant others, that means well over 30 adult cousins now in the mix. AND-- the next generation is sprouting like crazy! There are currently 7 little ones, shown below for this year's holiday picture. Baby Girl Matthies will be #8!! It's going to be so fun for Kennedy and Baby Girl to grow up and make memories with all of these awesome kiddos.

And one more of Kennedy and her one actual cousin so far, Noel. These two are so sweet together -- Kennedy adores him and loves bringing him the things he needs - his pacifier, blankie, toys, etc. She's got such a nurturing and giving spirit about her and I can't wait to see how she does with her little sister. 

Today we were at a holiday event with Jake's family (yes, over 50 people) and she saw a baby carrier. She pointed at it and started playing with the infant toys, saying "Baby! Baby!" and I said, "Yes, we will use something like this when you have your baby sister! Are you excited to have a baby sister?" And she nodded excitedly, and then started clapping!! It was so sweet and I just can't wait to see how she reacts. If she struggles, it will be hard on me, but I think in my heart of hearts she is going to be absolutely ready to share the love. She has so much LOVE to go around!!

Tomorrow night we're transitioning from the crib to her toddler bed-- the first of many big transitions like this. It makes my heart a little sad, but I also know the memories she will make snuggling in her new cozy bed are just waiting for us. Exciting times ahead!

The Stability of the JOB

I've been with the same company for almost half my life. It's been a blessing, but I've always wondered if it will last forever. Things can't really last forever, right? So what does that inevitable end look like?

Yesterday, I found out that my job may not be as secure as I would have hoped. While I'm not getting into details, it's a reality check for me. In a moment where there are questions, it's easy to jump to sheer panic and frustration. I'm definitely taking a positive approach- I keep telling myself if it happens, it's a sign. Jake and I talked right away and determined that we're going to be okay. We don't know exactly what *okay* looks like, but we know it is possible. We have built our life around options - living on less than we need to, getting great educations, starting business ventures, being marketable in the world. The instability may pass - for which we will be grateful. In the meantime, lots of good vibes, focus, mental positivity, and prayers.

Another thing this brings to light is how we often pour our identities into our jobs (especially those of us who are achievers), but that our job doesn't need to define us. In fact, WE should define us, and our jobs should complement that. I'll still be Allison no matter what happens - I will still have my talents and gifts and flaws, my amazing family and friends, my hopes and dreams and plans for the future.

I am a professional, a businesswoman, but most importantly I am a wife and a mom. These are the things I'll look back on when I focus on what really mattered in life -- and I'll be so thankful to have built my life with my role as mom and wife as my guiding focus.

And now, building a business feels even more serendipitous- it gives me some of that diversification I crave. Experiences I can grasp onto and sink my teeth into, as I reach out and share what I'm doing with more people, and I watch what I share change lives through health and wealth. Exhilarating! A big part of this is about having a vision of what you want your life to be-- I urge you to look back at the last 5 years and look ahead at the next 5 years. What do you want to be the same? What do you want to be different? It could be anything-- the way you feel, the way you look, your priorities, your attitude, the things you focus your time and energy on. I'm urging myself to live the life I have always dreamed of living-- and I challenge you to do the same! If not now, then when? #startyourlife

On Friendship. And Parenting.

Friendship is something I hold very dear. Back in the day, when I first created an email address in high school, my password was always friendship (or some variation). What's interesting is how friendships ebb and flow and grow over the years. Now in our 30s, I am lucky to say that I have friendships that have endured multiple decades.

My oldest friendship is 25 years old (aside from family) and it's crazy to think of how much changes in a quarter of a century! She probably doesn't read this blog, and although we don't talk all of the time I still hold our times very near and dear to my heart. Many of my closest current friendships are over 10 years old, and a lot certainly changes between 18 and 31.

We do have hard times. I think introducing kids into the mix is one of those hard times, like some of the other changes we've been through: moving states, getting married, being distressed and disappointed and searching for new jobs. It's all about being supportive, encouraging, honest, and meeting people where they're at.

I happened to have a kid before a lot of my friends, and I won't pretend it's been easy the entire time. It can be hard for people without kids to understand, but then saying "you won't understand" can be alienating. I find that I gravitate to conversations with those who have kids, because they just know what I'm going through. There's a certain level of empathy. Is this wrong? I don't think so.

It's times like this when I want to retreat to the great blogs like www.momastery.com and www.handsfreemama.com, the safe places for parents. Because actually, as adorable and lovable as our kids are and as blessed as we are to have them, sometimes we just need a retreat for ourselves. I think this is okay. It's okay to admit what we need - because in reality most of the time it's not at all about what we need, it's about what they need. And we love to give them what they need.

In short, I gotta trust that everything will be okay. Everything will turn out right - as I continue to surround myself with positive and encouraging people and make decisions by trusting my instinct. We're all on a different path and that's okay too! I'm just lucky and blessed to be sharing this path with my beautiful family, who make the uphill battles all worthwhile.

Santa Visit

Today, nothing crazy about this post. Just a little straightforward cheer and joy to you during this holiday season. We've had a great few days of realizing that Christmas is literally around the corner. Wednesday we started Christmas shopping, went to the Macy's holiday display and to see Santa. And that was exactly 2 weeks before Christmas! Since then we've kicked up the shopping a notch (lots online this year), wrapped presents, finished decorating the tree, taken many photos, went to a Happy Birthday Jesus party, and went to the last year of the Holidazzle parade tonight. 

Below, you can see our girl's excitement after she went through the Macy's display, just as we were about to visit Santa. We asked her many times, "Are you going to see Santa? Are you excited?" and she'd respond with a huge grin on her face and wide eyes. I don't know if she totally got it, but she seemed to relish in the excitement nonetheless. This was right before we went in to see him.

At Macy's, Santa sits in a separate room, and he has a great setup with drums, bells, things for the kids to see. The minute we walked in and they shut the door, she wanted to be done! I don't totally blame her - it's a new experience and she didn't remember doing this last year, when she was much more trusting. So - Daddy got to be in the pic with her this year.

More to come on our glorious holiday season. In the meantime, we hope you and your family are experiencing peace, joy and love of all kinds. These past couple of days have not gone by without deep thoughts and prayers for the families of Newtown who have had to endure the one year anniversary since the horrible tragedy. I think of them and pray often for strength and that they feel their angels watching over them always. 

The Santa visit was fun, but it has also been fun to tell Kennedy about the reason for the season. Today at the Happy Birthday Jesus party at our church, she got to do crafts, play with snow indoors, and spend time with other kids playing as they would at a traditional birthday party. Then they watched the Christmas story played out in a nativity scene. And, all of the kids opened a present they brought and laid them in a large cradle for babies in need. I'm realizing how much fun it is to go through the Christmas season from the viewpoint of a child again! --Continue to enjoy the season; it is fleeting!!--

35 and then some

This video is WORTH WATCHING. It's just a completely true, beautiful depiction of what matters. And I'm so glad to be presented with this video when I'm 31, not 35 --- not because I'm at all ahead of my time, but because that means I get four more years during which I'll savor the fact that I'm not yet 35. It's still out in front of me, a series of moments waiting to be had.

I've always been a very time-conscious person. Not in the sense of always being "on time," more in the sense of feeling it pass by, and making sure I'm squeezing the most out of my time in every possible way. Passing time in high school was seven minutes long, and I'd strategically plan a fast trip to the bathroom on my walk to my locker where I could quickly convene with my friends for four of those seven minutes. I find that when I'm walking TO something, I walk a lot faster than when I'm walking with a friend, when we're already where we want to be. I value free time, time with loved ones, time to do what I want to do. I hurry through parts of life that just don't seem to matter as much, because those moments that do matter are far more precious. And I want to seize every moment that I possibly can.

I do realize that every moment can't be amazing, that I need to live through the mundane to appreciate the exciting. But what I love about the man in this video - he doesn't settle for more mundane moments than he absolutely has to. He realizes that other things - materials, money, fancy things - are not the key to happiness. When we're old, we won't look back and wish we had more luxury cars; we'll simply want time with our loved ones. We'll want moments.

A leader at work this week talked about how everything can be measured in one of three ways - money/cost, quality (things), or time. We can spend our money on more things, we can spend our time to make more money, we can spend money (example: paid vacation) to get free time. My upcoming maternity leave will pay me for 6 weeks, and I can ultimately go unpaid (forego money) to get more time - another 6-10 weeks with my newborn and family. Of course I'll do as much of this as possible!

I just love this video and want everyone to watch it. Especially in our society there is so much pressure to do and be and have it all - which is simply not possible. We need to prioritize and get in our right mindset so we can achieve abundance, and we'll only be able to make this happen by focusing in on what's important. So what do you say - where do you focus your efforts? 

The Good and the Bad

It's amazing how one day can include both the extremely good and extremely tough times. This morning, we woke up and were all out of sorts as a family - nothing we did would make our little girl happy. She was clingy (to Dada) and didn't seem to enjoy anything we tried to do! It got to the point where Jake and I decided to call his mom to see if it would help to have a visit from Grandma, which of course it did. She turned on her charm for her grandma, and they played and we were able to get a lot done around the house, including putting up our Christmas tree (I'm amazed we actually accomplished this!) 

Then she went down for nap and I knew it would be just the two of us all evening, since Jake was heading to work. 

And it was bliss.

We had so much fun - it truly made me believe in waking up on the wrong side of the bed and then after nap, on the entirely right side of the bed!! Let's find that side every time! She and I danced to Raffi, she cuddled up on my lap for Minnie "Mimmie", we made tea and even gave a cup to Callie, we colored, played with puzzles and light-up toys, tickled our noses on the tree needles, ate taquitos and cheese, and played with the magnets on the easel. She also has this newfound love for jumping around in her crib, so I watched while she bounced for awhile. All in all, it was a beautiful evening and I just cherish these moments because they seem to come and go at this age, for no particular reason.

We read books at bedtime and she wanted to read the Counting Kisses book and do the various kisses on her baby doll. Then when it was time to sleep, she gave me a hug and kiss like always, then requested giving Callie "Lala" a hug and kiss, then as we've started to do gave Dada a hug and kiss into the air. It's so sweet and inclusive of our whole family, which just makes me smile. I'm so hopeful this winter, which I'm afraid will feel long at times, has more days, moments and memories like today.

How to Find Happiness

This article has really stuck with me. Even though it was written over 2.5 years ago, and I probably read it sometime back then, I often find myself thinking of various points from the article. I think some of these points are harder for me than others, but I'm sure we each have our handful that make us think. A few I'd specifically call out:

• #1: I grew up in a family of wanting to be right. And I completely agree with asking the question "Would I rather be right or would I rather be kind?"It doesn't feel good to hear "told you so" or be on the receiving end of patronizing or condescending behavior. No one keeps tally of who is right. It goes back to another quote that I truly try to live by: “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” -Maya Angelou
• #2: NEED FOR CONTROL - it's an exhausting thing. I've learned from a variety of well-respected individuals that life is actually easier when I let go! Who wouldn't want to take some of the burden off, the pressure off the situation? I add stress to my life when I try to control something, and that's no fun for anyone!
• #5: This is something I'm really working on. There are so many things that are believed to be truths in this world. However, the more I think about them the more I question whether they are really true or just a commonly held belief I've had based on how I grew up and how I was raised.  I will only do as much as I believe I can do. If I constantly put a limit on what I can accomplish, that limit will stop me from reaching my full potential. I'm learning this in my business building process right now as well. Quit the self-doubt - and you'll be healthier in the long run.
• #7: LOVE THIS- and this one is easy for me to believe in. Since when did we think we had the right to criticize things just because they're different from what we know? Similarly to #2, being critical is exhausting and letting go of the need for criticism is actually an easier way to live!
• #15: Other people's expectations. I have absolutely spent so much of my life trying to make other people happy, make them proud, impress them by what I can accomplish. And now, I'm learning that by setting my own standards of happiness I can still bring happiness and leave an impression on others; however, it's on my terms, not theirs. I have been taking part in regular self-prioritization exercises in my mind - where I continue to rank things I'm focused on in order of priority. This has helped me let go where necessary and really focus on building the life I want. Because in the end, I'm the only one living my life - so I'd hope I build one that makes me happy. In fact, I hope you do the same, too.

Rule Breaker

Tonight I broke the rules. One specific rule, actually. I broke THE rule of parenting: never wake a sleeping baby. I just had to see her! As I've noted to my husband Jake, I often feel that the invention of the video monitor (while a very GOOD thing) takes away a little bit of that beauty of watching our children sleep. We can see them on the screen, so why would we dare go into the room to make sure they're alright? My parents used to go in and cover us with blankets on a regular basis. So I've decided that every so often it'd be okay to tiptoe in and watch her sleep. With the light of my cell phone, I open the door ever so carefully and just gaze over her; I notice how she looks just like she did when she slept as a newborn.

Yes, she actually still looks just like this. It's just really hard to get a good picture of her sleeping now because she wakes up so much easier. So back to tonight. Yes, tonight when I tiptoed in, she did wake up. Like, completely. She sprung right up to sitting, and I kind of freaked out for a second, but decided to just enjoy the moment. So I grabbed her and her taggie, pulled her out of her crib and laid her on my lap, rocking her. And she nuzzled in and fell right back to sleep in my arms! It was so sweet. At one point she sighed and said, "Mom," in a very soft but clear way. It was all very sweet. So I rubbed her back, played with her hair, and just cherished the moment. 

Really, who cares about the rules sometimes? Sometimes we have to throw common sense and conventional wisdom out the window to really enjoy life, to expand upon our thinking. Someone wise recently told me, "Think outside the box; you're the one who created it, anyway."  Often we are afraid to try something new, take risks, be bold. But those who squeeze every ounce out of life HAVE to fall hard into something at some point, right? 

This moment was perfect. It may not happen exactly the same ever again, but I will seek out a million more opportunities for moments like this.

Thankfulness

Today is the day after we reflect on what we are thankful for. (this day is also ironically the day many people push and shove others in line to get the best deal on material items-- I'm definitely not involving myself in crazy tradition.) As part of my new business venture, I've been taking 5-10 minutes each evening for daily gratitude to really focus on what's great in my life - to give thanks. I have to write down 3 things I'm thankful for, and what I have found is that that a routine of practicing gratitude is really good for the soul. For starters, I am amazed that never have trouble writing down three things - and it makes me very happy to think of the depth and breadth of things I have to be thankful for. My beautiful family, random acts of kindness, a good book or article. A heartwarming song, getting in touch with an old friend, the hope of something new.

I've been very focused on the law of attraction lately - which is outlined in a variety of forms like The Secret, The Abundance Book, and by many speakers and groups across the world. I've always believed in it, but I'm really starting to make sure I put it into practice on a daily basis. It takes patience, and it takes perseverance. I find that the more I focus on the good, the more good things come. The more I focus on what is lacking, the more things are lacking. It's truly interesting! Have you ever tried this for yourself?

So here I go - into the holiday season with a full spirit and lots of dreams and goals - and I will use my utmost diligence and strength within me to focus truly on what is important. I have a vision and I. WILL. GET. THERE. First, my family and friends who are like family. Alongside this in parallel my health (so I have as much time as possible with my friends and family.) Health = mental + physical. I need to be in a good state if I'm going to maximize my time. Then it's about spending the time doing the things I love, and recognizing that not every person or situation is going to fit perfectly like a jigsaw puzzle. That's okay. Imperfection is okay. If I focus on the positive, the imperfections don't really matter anyway, do they??!

Less than 4 weeks until Christmas. Time for joy in our homes and hearts, and giving to those who are less fortunate. I have been reflecting a ton and have some serious writing to do over the next month if I'm going to hit my 37 blogs per year!

Sleep well everyone, and think about what thankfulness means to YOU on a daily basis. Be thankful and focus on the positive. You'll get so much in return that you'll be glad that you did.

Building a Business

Building a business is riveting. It is fascinating, frightening, and downright amazing. My dad is an entrepreneur, and I've always known I had it in me to try something. Instead of wanting, now I'm doing, and that feels pretty great.

It's a test of resiliency, a test of character. Every decision, every step is my own. I choose how much I want to pour into it, when I need a break, and when I need to push through to reach another goal. As my cousin had said to me, I will feel so great because I will have created something that didn't exist before. She is totally right. It's slow going at times, but when there are successes, they feel like huge leaps. They make me giddy! When there are challenges, it feels like 2 steps back (sometimes 3). But I learn and iterate along the way, tweak my style and overall hope for personal and professional growth.

A former co-worker once said to me she thinks every person needs to own a business in a lifetime, because of the individual growth opportunity it provides. I think she's totally right.

Short and Sweet

This is just a short and sweet post to say how EXCITED I am about focusing on what the future has in store. I always have felt a connection to the future, as well as a nostalgic connection to the past. Lately, I've been feeling very future-focused, which is great.

We are having another baby in April (!), I am taking the GRE in 2 weeks to apply to another grad school program, and I am building a business - all great things that are life goals as well. I find that instead of dreaming, I should be doing, and while it is less certain than just being still, it is also more stimulating and rewarding.

What does your future have in store for you? I'd love to hear it! And I'll continue to update you on my future as it becomes my present; I promise. Because as fun as it is to live in the past or dream in the future, the MOST IMPORTANT is to be present with those you love and who make you laugh. Laughter in the present is the best medicine. :)

The Girl on the Plane

(written about a month ago)
I just returned to my hotel room after an exhilirating weekend in Phoenix. This conference - the things I learned and excitement generated in me are astounding. And the weekend started with a little girl named Joey. I sat next to her on the plane - and when I first got on the plane I wasn't so sure. I was excited to get away for the weekend for some "me" time, because as much as I adore my family, it was going to be nice to curl up in a ball on the plane and sleep, with no distractions or conversation. But, as I approached my seat I saw two little blond girls in my row; they looked like twins. The row behind had an equally blond younger sister and blond mom - clearly genetically blessed family.

I quickly learned the girls were 5, 4, and 2 (as they eagerly told me). Crazy mama burnt out with 3 little girls on the plane! When they started talking my ear off, their mom jokingly said, "Yeah, you won't get a word in the entire flight." I'm thinking, "Oh no, what happened to my kid-free me time?"

However, they did let me sleep for awhile, and when I woke up for the second half of the flight, little Joey became my pal. She started showing me all of her things, her stickers and drawings, and offered me a Hello Kitty sticker for my notebook. At one point, she wanted to look out the window, so I told her she could come closer. She literally climbed right up on my lap! Her mom asked if it was okay, and I said it was; it was so nice to have this little person to talk to and share things with. She snuggled in with me and we pointed at the mountains as we flew southwest.

She continued to go between her seat and my lap for the next short while, looking at me when her ears popped, asking for my help to pack her books in her bag. It was nice to perform these motherly duties even when I wasn't actually the mother. Maybe once you do these things for your own child it's obvious to all little humans?

At the end of the flight she asked, "Are you flying with us to San Francisco?" And I said, "No, I will stay in Phoenix." Her face got serious and she looked up and said, "Oh. I'm going to miss you."

It was the sweetest melt-your-heart moment from a complete stranger - a little girl with joy and love for the world. And she was headed to her new home in San Francisco, and I wouldn't see her again. This sort of positivity and love was a fantastic start to my weekend where I learned all things necessary to launch my new business. (and it's launching! more on that later.)

Thanks, Joey, for the day brightening moment. Even when I didn't think I needed it, it definitely felt right in my heart. <3 p="">

Kennedy at 18 Months! (couple weeks late)

18 whole months with this little lady?! Can you believe it??! In some ways it feels like life before Kennedy was an entire decade ago. In other ways, it feels like we are still getting used to this life, this beautiful life as mama and dada. And Lala (as she calls our sweet puppy, Callie).

Life at 18 months is pretty swell. Lots of smiles, lots of curls, more words every week. Personality extreme.

We're still finding our happy balance in this dance of life, but more on that later. For now, here is what she's doing, saying, and working on. I realize this is a long list, but I had to keep a mental note since so much has happened in the last 6 months, and this is really more for me to keep track of the little things. It's the little things, people.

• She signs "more" and "all done" regularly, and nods and shakes her head to communicate. She also made up this finger pointing sign and I swear she's communicating something to me, but I don't know what it is! She points repeatedly straight up in the air, then looks at me like I'm supposed to get it. It's funny. And we both laugh.
• She clears her throat back and forth with us and thinks it's hilarious! 
• She takes her taggie (blankie) and rests it on my shoulders to soothe me. She does the same with her stuffed giraffe and sometimes her teddy bear.
• She likes poking our eyes, nose, ears, and sometimes will plug both her ears and puff her cheeks out like a monkey! Again, a total ham. 
• One of our favorite games is "Eyes, Nose, Mouth, Kiss!" It's quite simple. I point to her eyes, nose, mouth, and then give her a big kiss on her face. And she just loves it! She blinks in anticipation. And she'll do it back to me (but still waits for me to kiss her after pointing to my mouth).
• She shrugs her shoulders and holds her palms up asking, "Where is it?" or to signal, "I don't know!"
• She loves running in place, on the steps, at the playground, at the top of her slide.
• She loves to dance to Raffi. Wiggling her body or if it's a slow song, twirling in a circle.
• She loves to be tickled. This is something I can't get over - I HATED being tickled growing up! I'm still scarred from all the tickle tortures! She loves especially when we tickle her on the back side of her calves. She'll try to do it to herself after we change her diaper, which is hilarious. "Tickle Time" by Sandra Boynton is a favorite.
• When I leave for work, she goes to the window on the couch and waves bye-bye. Almost every day, which makes going to work soooo much easier (and hard at the same time).
• Up was one of her first words, extending her arms for us to hold her. She used to whisper it repeatedly: "up up up up..." now it's more commanding, and sounds more like "Op! Op! Op!" Everything is more commanding with a toddler.
• She rests in a ball on the changing table, like in child's pose in yoga. No wonder they call it child's pose!
• Speaking of yoga, this girl is a seasoned pro! If we ask her to do yoga, she'll get into downward dog almost on command. Then she'll do a couple other random moves, sometimes child's pose or happy baby.
• She loves to go to the fridge and look for her own food. Her favorite requests are cheese "eeze", apples, "app", or bread "b b b".
• She also asks for water on the outside of the fridge (the dispenser). And every time she needs water, she asks for ICE. Ice was one of her first really clear, random words. Every time we have water, we need ice!
• She's great at knowing things are hot. She points at the oven, candles, the hot tub, fire, and says "hothothot"
• She's finnicky about what she wears. Not because of what it looks like, because it has to be comfy. Any sort of frilly dress or lacy top lasts about 2 seconds - and she throws a fit. T-shirt and leggings? Absolutely.
• She likes to pretend to sleep in her crib, and she asks for me to join her. So yes - we lay and play in the crib together. She points next to her and says "mama mama" so of course I get in!
• When we're going down the stairs, she instructs me to hold her hand and also to hold the railing. I can't just hold her hand, she stops and points at the railing, waiting for me to hold it.
• She's so careful with her baby, loving on her, cradling her, rocking her, kissing her, and patting her back.
• One of her favorite things to do with her daddy is play the chase game around the house. Whenever he makes a sudden movement she runs the other way and squeals with delight! So much fun being chased, and a big belly laugh being caught!
• She likes to take small objects (a crayon, a grape) and test us by putting it in her eye, her ear, her other ear, her nose - just looking at us and waiting for our reaction. Such a ham.
• This might be my favorite. She asks for water by making a water gulping sound. Almost every time! It's this deep sound of gulping water. I can't even replicate it. And we ask, "Would you like water?" Every time - yes.

This is truly a special age and I know those were a lot of little memories, but these are the things I'll want to look back on and tell her about, to close my eyes and remember when she's zipping around town as a teenager and I just hope for a few minutes a day. For now, we'll hold on to every moment. <3 div="">

What Would You Do If You Weren't Afraid? (aka my new business adventure)

Questions have been swirling in my head lately. Questions, quotes, ideas, this fire and passion that I NEED to do something. For me, for my family. And maybe, for you. I've come across that answer, the thing I want to take on. 

• WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WEREN'T AFRAID? - a nod to Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In
• The trending term, YOLO (you only live once)
• The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying: How do I make sure I look back on my life with no regrets?
• "We can do hard things + Love wins + We belong to each other" - Glennon Doyle Melton of Momastery

The list goes on and on. I am watching these people in the arena, and I'm thrilled to want to be there, too. I will be there.

My venture is all about promoting health + wellness, balanced nutrition, energy + performance, and giving our bodies what they need. Common side effects include weight loss, increased sleep quality, mental clarity. These things, in my book, help us focus on living a full life. 

More to come with details, but I want to share this journey with you because you may be interested! The products and company are awesome. Let me know if you want to hear more. I'd love to discuss and share this information with each and every one of you.

When I read Brene Brown's Daring Greatly, I made a promise to myself to "live and love with my whole heart." I wrote it down, and I'm going to live it. It's scary to take on a new challenge, to be vulnerable. At the beginning of her book, she quotes Theodore Roosevelt, and I think this really hits home: 

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly.” -Theodore Roosevelt

It's Innate

Tonight, my daughter was drinking water from her water table. She does this often - I realize that most kids probably splash and play in the water, but she prefers to find a cup or container and literally fill it with water, pouring it into her mouth repeatedly. I think it's pretty cute. Then, after about two containers for herself, she filled the container and put it on the ground, and looked around and pointed at the water and called, "Lala. Lala."

This is what she calls our dog, Callie. And it's a great example of something that she does frequently. She wants to make sure that others are getting the same enjoyment out of the activity that she is doing. She wanted Callie to share the water, and she was SO CONCERNED that Callie was participating in her fun activity. (In the end, Callie came over and lapped up the water, which Kennedy thought was hilarious.)

Kennedy often does this, making sure that those around her are also enjoying her food, playing with her toy, and taking a turn on the slide. "Mama, mama," she says as she points down the slide because it's my turn. Or let's just sit on the step together, because that's fun.

It makes me (of course) proud to see her selflessness in action, especially in an (almost) 18-month old human who is the center of her own universe. And it makes me realize that our desire to share enjoyment with those around us is very much innate, within us from birth. We want others to feel happy when we are happy, and we want others to share in our excitement and joy. When we model selflessness for our kids, I think they just pick up on the behavior we are modeling. When they practice selflessness, they learn that it's fun.

So much of what we want - what we think we need - comes from what society tells us we need. Right now, Kennedy doesn't care if her room is sort of small, if our living room is also her playroom and also our office. She doesn't care about designer clothes or labels or fancy new things. She's got her priorities straight. She needs the basics - sleep, food, shelter - and love from the people who matter most. This world will show her what she will think she needs in so many ways, and it'll be our job to help create a balance between having some special things and having it all. Advertising and celebrities will do that to us. (As a side note, Simplicity Parenting is a GREAT book.) But, it's a great reminder for me as well to realize the happiest moments in my life are typically free, and typically meeting those basic needs: feeling rested, playing, eating good food, and spending time with the ones I love.

Mommy Blogs / Hands Free

So I have found a couple of 'mommy blogs' that I am really into lately. Two in particular - Momastery, which is witty, sassy, and a free, safe place to share ideas and remember that love always wins; and Hands Free Mama, which is this amazingly perfect place to ground and reground myself in what's important. It is very idealistic, but also very genuine and real. It is about the quest to have a Hands Free journey, which is a very enlightening, inspiring, and beautiful thing. I am like obsessed with these two blogs. Oh, how cool it would be to write a blog like these. Anyways, until my blogging gets that big, (ha!) I'll just have to reference some of their great ideas and keep them top of mind as I make promises to myself in a similar fashion.

The other day I was walking between buildings at work, which can take 10-15 minutes, so I often pull up Facebook and do a quick scroll. One friend had posted this article, and as I glanced at it, I found that I was being moved to tears. I got teary! So I closed it, and revisited it later, eating up every word:

The Day I Stopped Saying Hurry Up

I truly believe that parents learn as much or more from their kids, especially as they start to develop their little personalities and say things that make you think. This little girl has taught her mama (and now, all of her mama's readers) a very important thing: the beauty of the journey. I say it all the time, but it's so hard to live it. Especially when I am spending so much of my days looking forward to the evening, or my weeks looking forward to Friday, it's hard to get lost in the moment. I also remember when I was on maternity leave, I told a friend that I anticipated going back to work would be tough because I would be transitioning between two VASTLY DIFFERENT speeds every single day. At work we move at mach speed; at 17 months, things just go a lot slower. We stop to smell every rose. We read every book. Twice. We point to every face on the fridge, and then we do it again. We go down the toddler slide 50 times, and then 50 more times after lunch. We poke at our food. We pour tea into cups, we pop up the jack-in-the-box again and again. We change a diaper, and then learn it needs changing just 10 minutes later.

I also find myself so excited for the stages when Kennedy talks and shares her thoughts with me, but I also have to be mindful to not wish away this early, sweet age as well. I will never get it back. When I get into it, I think I do pretty well, even though the transition is exhausting. I'm just thankful I have people out there writing such insightful messages every so often to bring me back to where I need to be.

New England in Words and Pictures

So- our trip was amazing. Exhausting with a 1-year-old, but simply amazing. It was so great to have some days at home before the trip, to really recharge. And then, when we were on the trip I was between roles at work, so I had nothing to check in on during my vacation. I was able to simply unplug and enjoy time with our great friends and as a family.

The trip started with a flight into Boston, a night in Providence, but it was so rainy and dreary that we really just spent the night out to dinner (a small burger joint for sliders), driving by the Brown campus, and playing cards in our hotel room.

The next day we drove to Waterville Valley, NH, where the wedding would take place. The rehearsal dinner was a lobster boil right at Squam Lake, where the father of the groom boiled 50 whole lobsters. Amazing!!

The wedding was the next day, near the resort where we stayed. The bride, Mary, is a good friend and I was honored to be in her wedding. Here she's getting the finishing touches to her makeup.

The decor was very classy and well done. It all felt very New England.

This little chica had a lot of fun! She spent a lot of the evening walking on the dance floor, and it was funny watching her carry this pint glass around with all of her might. It poured (and hailed!) right before 

We stayed at this gorgeous quaint resort overlooking the water in our own condo. It was so picturesque! 

Mary and her dad dancing - absolutely beautiful.

I really enjoyed all the personal touches they put on the wedding day. It reminded me of our own wedding in that sense - which I can't believe was almost 4 years ago! Below, you can see Mary and Chris saying their "thank-yous" as well as getting ready to serve us some homemade ice cream they made, for dessert.

After the wedding was over, we still had almost an entire week in New England. We were going to head to Vermont, but first took a ride up the chair lift at the side of the mountain near the resort where we stayed for the wedding. This was still in Waterville Valley.

One of our first stops in Vermont was the Ben and Jerry's ice cream HQ and factory, where they gave us a tour. Miss K cared a LOT more about the bridge at the playground than the ice cream! Not so typical for a kid, but for her, the playground was delicious.

I just love her little ringlets and am so glad I captured this one. Just precious.

Another stop in Vermont was at Sugarbush Farms, where we pet and fed the animals, then went inside for a cheese making tour (and tasting for everyone but me!) and a maple syrup sampling. It was so low key and relaxed in the buildings where everyone was working hard to make cheese and syrup. I couldn't imagine this lifestyle of going to work at this quiet little farm every day. 

Kennedy had a few funny moments: here, she was shoving spaghetti in her mouth (she's been resisting bibs lately so we just go topless when we don't want to fight it). She enjoyed sitting on Crystal's lap during many meals, which turned into her associating Crystal with food. The entire trip, she would walk up to Crystal and sign "eat" to her, and continues to do it at home. Crystal's not so sure about this!

This moment below was one of my favorites. Kennedy is social. And when I say social, I mean VERY SOCIAL. Everywhere we go, she's turning around, waving to everyone, making sure every individual in the room gets their own individual wave from her. She's locking eyes and looking for expressions, hoping for a wave back. Below, there was a huge rock with soldier statues scattered about. We set her on the rock, and she went around to each statue and literally waved and kissed each statue on the rock. It was so comical! She didn't leave a single one out, and she gave them each equal attention. This trait will serve her so well in the years to come.

These pictures were taken in York, Maine - my favorite place on our trip (and Kennedy's first ocean visit).

Of course I needed to have an entire lobster. When in Maine...

The place we stayed in Kittery, Maine, was very nice. The owners lived upstairs from our floor of the house, which was perfectly homey. They also invited us out for a 4th of July boat ride to show us the river and ocean! It was a really fun time - and they have a little boy as well, named Beckett. They refer to his life jacket as a "boat coat" which I thought was a nice name for it. Below, Kennedy is wearing her boat coat!

The view of the house from the water - were were on the ground floor and the owners live in the 2nd and 3rd floors.

Our last night we went to Rye, New Hampshire for a second ocean visit. It was another beautiful beach, and Kennedy had just as much fun. This time we were prepared for her zeal with a full-blown swimsuit! She was not scared of the waves or the cold water. Meant for the ocean!

So... I'm down to 14 states left. It was such a wonderful trip with Kennedy, and with Crystal and Matt. They did so well traveling with a 1-year-old, and we had all of the wonderful inside jokes and themes during the trip that always seem to happen when traveling with good friends. I hope we travel with them again sometime soon! If you haven't been to these states, I'd highly recommend it.

The Little Lady and the Sea

Lots to update on from the past 2 weeks of staycation/vacation bliss! It's been the most glorious time, and reminds me how important it is to take these large chunks of time off (instead of just a day here or there, which is what I usually end up doing). It has felt like a summer break from reality! One more day off tomorrow, then I begin my new role at Target, which I am excited for as well. Change is good; I keep telling myself that.

First things first, my girl loves the ocean. THIS is an important fact, because it is yet another way she is just like her mommy. I have forever been taken aback by the wonder and amazement - the deeply nostalgic and sentimental feeling I have every time I am by the ocean. I love the lakes at home, but not in the same way I love the ocean.

So we went for her first trip to the ocean, and she danced with glee. 

I didn't even put a bathing suit on her because she's had a tactile issue with grass, and I figured the sand and cold water would keep her at bay. But she went bounding into the waves! She made her soexcited face, laughed, smiled, pointed, and we hobbled into the icy water hand in hand. It was a beautiful thing.

She got her clothes so wet that we ended in just the diaper, and she proceeded to run freely across the beach. With pure glee.

This all happened in York, Maine. The following day we did the same thing in Rye, New Hampshire and had an equal amount of excitement and participation, which makes me happy for our many ocean visits in the years to come. **More to come on the details of our New England adventure!