Kennedy at 2 Months

I can't believe my little pumpkin is 2 months old today! We've had a whirlwind ride, and time is flying, but we have definitely been making the most of every minute every day. I just look at her and live as much in the present as possible. I watch her eat. I watch her sleep. I watch her stare at the light coming through the blinds, the black and white kitchen patterns, and at my face and smile. It's pretty cool to not care about the day of the week or time of the day and to just be present in the moment. THIS is a good way to live.

Kennedy at 2 months:

• Usually sleeps great from 8pm until 3am, and then 3am onward is hit or miss. Her first "shift" is strong, but she wakes once the sun starts peeking out, which is early right now! We NEED room darkening blinds.
• Although she wakes up early, she will fall back asleep in our bed for a couple hours. She loves cuddling with Mommy and Daddy.
• Measures 50th percentile weight, 75th percentile height, 60th percentile head circumference. A tall girl! I've definitely noticed she's getting longer.
• Wears mostly 3 month clothes (though we can squeeze into 0-3 month onesies like the one in this picture.
• Is very expressive. Gives lots of smiles, talks, coos, and makes "love eyes" at us all day. Her eyebrows alone can tell quite the story (just like her daddy's!)
• Loves playing with her hands, shoving her fist in her mouth, grasping them in front of her, holding them up by her face. They're still usually balled up in fists.
• Can hold her head up really well. It doesn't bobble very much anymore! 
• Seems very comfortable in her carseat (security) and loves car rides. 
• Enjoys her bouncer which vibrates and plays music. I bring that thing all over the house so she can just sit and watch me cook, fold laundry, do dishes!
• Loves taking walks in the Baby Bjorn or in the Moby wrap. Really enjoys being close to our bodies and the fresh air outside.
• Still loves tummy time and spends lots of time moving her head around while laying on her tummy. With a soft blanket under her, she plays with the textures with her hands. Then she often falls asleep.
• While sitting in the Boppy, kicks her legs and punches her arms all at the same time, while turning her head back and forth. This girl is keyed in to the world around her, taking it all in! She is easily entertained and so interested. I have a feeling she will be mobile as soon as possible.
• Loves music and books. Dr. Seuss' ABCs makes her smile and sometimes squeal with laughter. 
• Makes the cutest little squeals / squeaks of laughter, showing her pure excitement for what's going on around her. SO sweet!

We just love her so much and can't wait to see what happens this month!

The Real Me

I've been on maternity leave now for 8 weeks. Exactly 8 weeks ago right now, I was sleeping, experiencing my last pre-mommy night. Waking up in 6 short hours from labor pains, ready to change the world.

To say that I've enjoyed my leave is an understatement. I still have 1 month - exactly 1 month until I return to work. The thought is scary, and sometimes I have to ask myself why. 

It's not the work really at all - I like to be busy. I enjoy the nature of my work, the interaction, the keeping up on emails, project deadlines, stretching my mind and my skill set, and the constant collaboration. If someone were to ask you to finish this sentence, how would you finish it? "When I am at work, I feel ________" (insert your most negative word here). My word is misunderstood. I honestly feel like the contradiction between who I am and who people perceive me to be at work is too large. Somehow I need to change that. I am a go-getter; some might say hard-ass, ball-buster, type A, anal, uptight, determined, controlling, ladder climbing professional. These things have positive aspects, but the connotations bring out other words I've heard like condescending, intimidating, aggressive. Words that I don't really want to be associate with. At all. 

While on leave, I've been in full mommy mode. I've been able to experience emotions in completely new ways. I've slowed down and had moments with my daughter that completely contradict the feelings above. I've attended Bring Your Own Baby Yoga class, where everything imperfect happens and we are supportive nonetheless. I have been in ECFE classes with other moms who are truly non-judgmental, providing ideas and support in ways that are scarce in the workplace. I've emphasized appreciation on the littler things, like smiles, coos, leg kicks, and tummy time. My daughter lifts her head at 45 degrees! THAT is an accomplishment! 

When I go back, I will be transitioning from professional woman to professional mom. Not the that the two are mutually exclusive, but I will be making some changes in how I interact and approach my work. I VOW to do the following (and will revisit this many times to remind myself if necessary):

• Have more compassion. Find the positive traits in others and help emphasize and advertise them through my work.
• Exercise grace - give others the benefit of the doubt in situations that go differently than planned
• Be consistent. Stand up for what I believe in, even if it is unpopular. How else will we ever change things that need changing?
• Drown out the busy noise
• Take time to immerse myself in my work; and
• Take time to breathe.

It's easy to get caught up in that fast-paced world out there, but as my boss told me when I shared with him that I was pregnant, "Becoming a mom will only make you a better leader." I will remember these things and really hope that he's right.