The Importance of Family... and Unconditionality

This past month, the weekends have been TO.DIE.FOR.  I emphasize that because I've gotten to spend a lot of time thinking about family and about unconditional love.  


I'm lucky to have such great family on both Jake's and my side, as well as family who isn't related by blood, but the kind of friends we call family.  Between the Wires, the Matthies, the Hovlands, the Jauntys, the Family Breakfast Table, select Ponies, past housemates, mi familia chilena, and even some Target family, I'm a lucky gal.  What is it about family that keeps us coming back for more?  


One thing that I've found important to me in relationships is unconditionality.  I'm often defensive to feedback at work - negative, critical feedback, and I've come to realize it's because it makes me feel like the relationship is conditional.  It makes me feel like I have to prove myself and even once I have, keep proving myself, because the respect and high praise might be gone in an instant.  It makes me believe that a squabble might damage a relationship or make the other person think less of me.  It makes me think that things might not always be this good between us.  


But with family... now that's a different story.  I can be free, I can wear silly clothes, dance around like a maniac, sing (or attempt to) at the top of my lungs in the car, even go without eye make up, and they love me.  We can disagree and it makes us stronger.  I can hurt them and sincerely apologize and we grow from it.  It's not gone in an instant.  These are the relationships that feed us.  They make us whole.  They make us better people.  


I always say that to reach my inner circle - you have to first see me cry.  I'm not talking tears at a sad movie, I'm talking cry because something emotionally hit me.  It's true, and I think the relationship is stronger because I finally let my guard down and put it to the test of unconditionality.  If you've seen me cry, and you come back for more, it's worth fostering a lasting relationship.  Silly?  Maybe.  But for some reason I crave those bonds.


Genuine, authentic.  These are words I hope others use to describe me.  I will forever strive to be these things.  I think this world has a whole lotta superficial going around.  And it's not all that appealing to me.  Think about it for a minute - what quality strikes you as THIS important - the way I view unconditionality?  Who fulfills those roles in your life?  I'm hopeful you can answer that - I think the answer helps you understand what you stand for and what makes you whole.


PS - Callaway models unconditionality.  If you need to understand what I'm talking about, observe your favorite furry friend.  It's impressive!

3900 Saturdays

My next completely free weekend is August 28 (shhh, don't tell ANYONE).  I am someone who tries to attend every party, celebration, shower, get together, to be actively involved in my family and friends' lives, and give my full attention - to EVERYTHING.  And right now, I'm noticing it's a little much.


A few weeks after I started my new job, my new VP sent the following story to the entire team.  I'm not going to write much more now, because I think the story illustrates what I'm trying to get at.  Both my sister and my father-in-law, Pete, model this fairly well.  I need to get better (especially during the summer!)  I mean, I probably have only 2,500 left.


Oh and it doesn't have to be Saturday morning, either.  My favorite thing to do on a Saturday morning is sleep until I wake up on my own - not to the alarm clock!  I'd have to say my version of a countdown is more likely Friday night.  They should be peaceful, relaxing, and doing exactly what I want to do.  How do I get there?  More on that later.


Enjoy the story!

3900 Saturdays

The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings.  Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it's the unbounded joy of not having to be at work.  Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.

A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the garage with a cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other.  What began as a typical Saturday morning turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time.

Let me tell you about it.

I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap net.  Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice.  You know the kind; he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business  He was telling whomever he was talking with something about "a thousand marbles."  I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say.

"Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job.  I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much.  Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet.  It's too bad you missed your daughter's dance recital" he continued.  "Let me tell you something that has helped me keep my own priorities."  And that's when he began to explain his theory of a "thousand marbles."

"You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic.  The average person lives about seventy-five years.  I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years."

"Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900, which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime.  Now, stick with me, Tom, I'm getting to the important part.  It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail", he went on, "and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays.  I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy.  So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had.  I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round up 1000 marbles.  I took them home and put them inside a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear."

"Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away.  I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life."

"There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight."

"Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast.  This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container.  I figure that if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time.  And the one thing we can all use is a little more time."

"It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band.  This is a 75 Year old Man, K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!"

You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this fellow signed off.  I guess he gave us all a lot to think about.  I had planned to work on the antenna that morning, and then I was going to meet up with a few hams to work on the next club newsletter.

Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss.  "C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the kids to breakfast."  "What brought this on?" she asked with a smile."  "Oh, nothing special, it's just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids.  And hey, can we stop at a toy store while we're out?  I need to buy some marbles."