Sesame Seed to Lentil, to Blueberry, Kidney Bean, and Grape.

Written August 11


This last month + has been a whirlwind.  Not only has this baby grown from a poppy seed at 4 weeks to a green grape at 9 weeks tomorrow, I've noticed changes in my eating, senses, stomach, and emotions that continually remind me that my body is not my own anymore.  I am growing something - sharing it with a tiny little being that is completely human, a concept I still have yet to fully comprehend.

Although the pregnancy is still a secret, we use "secret" lightly.  As someone said, it's more that it's just not broadcast.  We have told plenty of family and friends, but these are people who we would want around us for support in case something did go wrong.  Next week on Tuesday we get to have our first doctor's appt, which will really help me start to move from the scientific ("What is developing now?") to the emotional ("What is the baby feeling? Sensing? What will he/she be like?") as I feel more comfortable that this tiny little being will one day be resting in my arms.

It's fun each week because Crystal takes pictures of me with the food item that the baby most closely resembles. I've never paid so close attention to the vast size difference between each of these items!  Next week we go from green grape to kumquat. THAT is huge.  Each week is huge! No wonder I'm feeling nauseous and exhausted most of the time!  She also takes pictures of my profile and my belly straight on. We were looking at YouTube videos that depict a pregnancy time lapse of the mama and her belly.  This one is my favorite: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wFsFtHhMAE  I'm hopeful we'll be able to make something like this too!

It's also been fun to share pregnancy stories with other friends who have been recently pregnant or are pregnant - we are certainly at that age!  Books give me so much great information about what's happening each week, and I even have a book from my mom called The Pregnancy Journal which tells what is happening each DAY!  For example, today the baby's arms, which are fully developed in proportion to the body and even bend at the elbows, are no longer than this printed 1.  What?!? Isn't that the most insane thing you've ever heard?!  Also, today the baby weighs the same as 1/5 teaspoon of water. !!!

More to come soon I'm sure, but for now, I'm just happy, feeling healthy, trying to stay calm, and enjoying the days, even though each day feels like molasses.  When I think I'm only 9 weeks pregnant, I think, "That's not very much!" But then I subtract 9 from 40, and think to myself, "OMG! I am going to have a BABY here in 31 weeks! That's nothing at all!!!" So I am trying my best to enjoy each waking and sleeping moment as we prepare for this little one.

That Home on the Hill

Earth Jam - velcro wall with Seth

 Part of our softball team, The Swingers. Tai, Betsy, Me, Jake

 Jake in our dorms trying on my clothes

 "Family Breakfast Table" - our awesome group of friends at the GAC sign

 Homecoming queen nominees, Crystal and me, with Paul, the king

 Senior year party - Bert and Ernie, Pebbles and Bam Bam

 J term after guitar practice with JZ at our house on Elm

It's completely inevitable this time of year.  I don't even try to pretend anymore.  My heart aches, as I feel the cool fall breezes coming in.  I see school buses practicing their routes and college football on TV.  At Target, kids choose colored pens and notebooks, and recent high school grads excitedly load up on shower caddies, clothes hampers, ramen, and flashy decor for their dorm rooms.  

The Thursday before Labor Day, I am fully reminded of the years I moved in to campus to prepare for the incoming freshmen, who would arrive on Saturday.  For the Gustavus Class of 2015, that's today.  In about 6 hours, station wagons and SUVs will line up on College Avenue, and a new round of Gustie freshmen will move old couches, hand-me-down televisions, flashy new microwaves, and large Rubbermaid tubs into campus.  Most likely, they will either turn left at the sign (to Pittman) or right (to Coed).  11 years ago, my family drove both station wagons down, and we turned right.

My college roommate Tai called me today and left me a voicemail, after she had read on Facebook about people getting ready for the big move back to St. Peter.  She wanted to remind me of the day and how it's now been 11 years since we anxiously said goodbye to our families to enter this completely new world - a world that will forever be listed in my book as nothing short of spectacular.  

I remember some little details, like my parents hugging me goodbye in the parking lot, my dad putting his sunglasses on so I wouldn't see his tears.  He hugged me and he said, "I'm really proud of you, take care of yourself."  I moved in with Beth Boser, an only child from Plymouth who lived with her mom and immediately exuded more confidence than I was feeling.  I remember my Gustie Greeter, Cambria Halgren, who led us through orientation.  We started class the following Wednesday, the day I only had Macroeconomics with Henry Hays.  The other four days I had First Term Seminar, Spanish, and Calculus.  I remember feeling it was nice to ease my way in on a Wednesday.

The next years, I moved to St. Peter early to prepare for orientation, as I became a Gustie Greeter and helped make move-in day special for the incoming freshmen.  I was also involved in a gajillion other activites, and every one of them helped shape who I am now.  Gustavus for me was not just school - it was a way of life.  The pictures I share here are a snippet of the random adventures we had and the amazing people I got to share them with.  

I still have a recurring dream that it's senior year and I only have a few months, and I'm scrambling to make the best of them.  And when I think of autumn leaves and a river valley, I think of meeting Emily Kofoed on that bench by Old Main every single time.  

Part of the excitement of getting ready for this baby is thinking about experiencing life again through his or her eyes.  Jake and I have been watching Glee, and parts make me nostalgic about my old high school days.  In the not so distant future, I will get to experience running around on the playground, hopscotch, jumprope, tee ball, slip-n-slides, Red Rover, Field Day, and H.O.R.S.E. in the eyes and smiles of my child.  And when I drive him or her to college in about 19 years, my heart will ache, but in a different way.  I will also be oozing with joy for the experience upon which they are about to embark.

And baby makes three. (or four, if you count Callie)

Written July 10th


So I can't share this with you for a couple months, but I wanted to write it now while things are brand new.  This is the craziest thing that has happened to me in awhile, if not EVER!  A baby?!  Jake and I started talking about having a family mid last year, and while we are completely prepared, I remember saying that I just can't imagine what it will be like when the news actually comes.

Just this Tuesday, July 5, Jake and I were out at the dog park with Callie.  We came home and Jake ran back out to get gas for the lawn mower.  While he was out, I reached for a pregnancy test - something that had become more common in recent times.  I just had a hunch - and when that horizontal line that I had come to know so well all of a sudden had a faint vertical line appearing on top of it, creating a positive sign, my heart skipped a few beats.  I stared at it, then paced around the house. I clasped my hands.  I talked to Callie out loud, telling her I think our family was expanding.

Jake got home shortly thereafter, saying he was going to mow the lawn.  I asked him to come inside and showed him the test.  He looked at me like, "What does this mean??" I told him I thought it was positive, as in the numerous tests I had taken to date, I hadn't ever seen a faint vertical line.  He said, "Well, I'm going to Walgreens to get more!" and hopped back in the car.

He showed up back home with a 4-pack for good measure.  I took one more test that night, then even a third the next night, just to confirm. Neither of us slept much that Tuesday night, and I went to work in a daze on Wednesday.  I ran over to Crystal's house to tell her midday on Wednesday - I thought she might be home since she has the summers off from teaching.  Her response? "Here, sit down and have some homemade sorbetta! It'll be good for the baby."

Thursday was the appointment with Dr. Toll, who I was excited for Jake to meet.  I love her and wish she could be with me through this process, but she is not an OB so now we're searching for the right clinic for the baby.  She confirmed it, and as of now, the due date is March 16! A spring baby, a St. Patty's day baby, or from the Bible, think of John 3:16. These things all come into my mind immediately.

Friday night we told our parents, which was beyond exciting for us.  All four parents and two sisters were thrilled, and we now will have our very own little baby in the Wires/Matthies families for the first time.  I even think Callie can tell, as she just spent the last 30 minutes sprawled out on my tummy, as if to care for and protect it. She has never laid like this before, and literally just hopped up there and laid down!

So the poppy seed is in the process of transitioning into a sesame seed right now, and we're beyond excited for every step along the way.  The embryonic period has started which my app tells me is "the most dramatic and vulnerable period of development." The placenta begins to function this week, and the baby already has an amniotic sac and amniotic fluid.  STRANGE.

How am I feeling? Hopeful. A bit overwhelmed. Cautious in what I'm doing, how quickly I'm preparing for things, as I try to let it all sink in. Happy to have such amazing family and friends to share the news with (both at this secret time and in the weeks to come).

GET EXCITED for the journey ahead!!!  I know we are. :)