The Quiet of Night

They say a major growth spurt happens at 6 weeks, when newborns want to eat every couple hours, sleep is hard to come by, and fussiness takes over. We think we've been going through this now for 2 days. They say the 6 week growth spurt lasts 2-3 days. We're hopeful tonight brings better sleep for everyone involved.

I've always been a night person, but this maternity leave has seriously reminded me of just how much I love the nighttime. I love to be awake at night, in the calm hours before bed, to spend time with family and friends, winding down, reading, writing, thinking. I can also be extremely productive at night! It's a good time to do the dishes, pay the bills, write my next blog post. Almost all of my blog entries happen while laying in bed at night. That's when my mind wanders and I really think about things.

However, with Kennedy's growth spurt, I've found myself a little less in love with the night, and more just trying to get through it. Last night we were up at least 5 times, feeding a little, and struggling to fall back to sleep. Some nights go so well! And others require a LOT of patience.

However last night, during one of our awake times, I kept the lights off in the room to keep her in that groggy-tired state, fed her calmly, rocked her and spoke to her softly, enjoying that quietness once again. She drifted back to sleep quickly and I was able to lay her peacefully back in her crib. I will cherish moments like those with her, even though we aren't sleeping much. When she's older, I know I will look back at this and not care that I was tired, and only remember how good it felt to feed and rock my baby back to sleep in the quiet darkness, knowing that was something that only she and I would share.

Crazy hair in the crib!

Just Slow Down...

Today I spent about 4 hours watching Boy Meets World. Oh, how a few hours with Cory and Topanga can really bring a person back down memory lane. Kennedy was in and out of sleep, enjoying some tummy time, and just chilling through much of the day. It was so rainy that we couldn't go for a walk.

I was thinking a bit about what I might be doing on a day like today before Kennedy. It's sort of strange to thing about. It feels like forever ago. I probably would have slept in late, gone out to lunch and done something for myself - such as getting a facial or going shopping. Maybe the mall, TJ Maxx, DSW, Target. Probably Panera. I know one thing - I would have felt restless laying on the couch watching Boy Meets World all day. But that's one benefit to being a new mom: I get to enjoy a bit slower pace for awhile (especially until she walks!) and focus on the little things.

During her alert times, we read 2 books: Barnyard Dance and Dr. Seuss' ABC book. Both are wonderful! She was so mesmerized by the pages, the colors and images on the books (I know she can't see everything clearly yet). She made these little faces like she was completely listening and understanding my words. And when the book ended, as long as she was interested, we flipped back to the beginning and read it again!

A friend told me when she had her first baby that she, being always "on the go", didn't realize how much down time there would be just sitting around with a newborn. She warned me that it might be hard. Yes, I definitely notice the difference, but it's not hard; in fact, it's a welcome change. I think back to where I was 6 months ago, literally running from one end of downtown to the other, going from work to school 2-3 nights a week, postponing bathroom breaks, shoving dinner in my mouth in my parking spot at the U. This is definitely a welcome change.

While I'm loving it, I do have to remind myself to take in the slow moments, instead of falling into boredom. Enjoy Cory and Topanga, but then turn the TV off and enjoy silence too. Close my eyes and listen to the sound of my daughter cooing. Her gurgles and *almost* giggles. Open my eyes and stare into her face, have a conversation with her as though we're just old friends catching up. Envelop her in my arms, lay her on my chest and feel her tiny hand grasp mine, her warm breath on my neck. The slow pace is dreamy, easy to fall back into, and far too often forgotten.

Kennedy at 1 month!

It's really quite hard to believe that Little Miss Kennedy is 1 month today. Where did the time go? I know I'll be saying this phrase a LOT over the next weeks, months, years. I do feel thankful, though, that I've recognized how fast it goes and have really been soaking in our time together. Like REALLY enjoying each day, making sure not to plan too many things, so we have lots of time for cuddles, kisses, spontaneity. Even a couple smiles! My friend Whitney has kept a log of her babies at each month, and I've always enjoyed reading them. I want to make sure to do this, too, since I know I'll forget things and will enjoy sharing them with her someday. Plus my friend Kristi made her these adorable onesies for her first year, so we can take her picture and see how big she's grown!

Kennedy at 1 month:

• Weighs about 9.5 lbs (75th percentile) and is about 21.5" long (80th percentile)
• Has LOTS of gorgeous dark hair, though it's starting to lighten a bit
• Usually eats every 3-4 hours, but sometimes is hungry at 2 hours
• Usually sleeps soundly for 3-4 hours at night between feedings
• Fits 0-3 month and Newborn size clothes
• During alert time, LOVES to be on her tummy. She picks her head up and moves it from side to side so well. She's strong!
• Likes bath time, but doesn't like the transition out of the bath or the wet towel
• Hates transition, being switched from one person to another, changing clothes, switching from front to back, but after the transition happens is generally happy.
• Eats fast, in about 10 minutes. Creating the following problem...
• Has ZERO tolerance for gas. Is fussy after eating until the burps are gone, but otherwise is pretty content.
• Has shared a couple real smiles in response to our faces / eye contact. So sweet!
• Loves to be bounced up into the air and sometimes cries when we stop (this is hard on the triceps!) 
• Enjoys the baby massage techniques that Mommy learned at Blooma
• Likes rocking in the chair with her pacifier listening to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star at bedtime
• Likes taking walks in the Baby Bjorn or Moby wrap - sometimes we do this around the house to keep her moving!
• During alert times, needs to be entertained or easily gets bored. Is interested in focusing on basic toys, books, music, words. Then quickly gets tired.
• Sleeps probably 16-18 hours a day, a couple hours less than at birth

I can't believe all that we've done and learned this month. What an adventure, and what a sweet little peanut! I'm so excited for month 2 and what's ahead of us.

Love Notes

I've written a lot of love notes over the course of my life. Some of them I didn't send - they were just to get the words off my chest. Others went to the recipient, only to find that my love was unrequited. Every now and then, I'd share my love note and receive the same sentiment in return. !! Yes, there were a handful of boys over the years with whom I shared those giddy, excited romantic feelings with, and thoughts of those boys consumed far too much of my life from ages 15-25.

Now I've got a whole new form of love to write about. And I find myself wanting to write about it often. The idea of falling IN LOVE with your child is hard to understand when only familiar with the romantic kind, but this kind is oh so true.

Kennedy and I have been getting to know each other now - outside of pregnancy - for 3.5 weeks. During these weeks, I'm finding waves of love that take different forms. Some are protective, others are patient, compassionate, generous, maternal. And some are gushing. I've been reading about ways to bond with your baby, and some of the best ways come from the most primitive actions, things that all mammals do. Spend time sleeping closely. Stroke their hair. Hold their hands. Look into their eyes. Feed them. Clean them.

Because our 24/7 unlimited time is, well, limited, I'm trying to really take it all in. Live in the moment, breathe deeply. When she decided she was done sleeping in her crib around 7am, we spent the rest of the morning together in my bed just cuddling. Literally until Noon! Housework and bills can wait. We have this time together to bond, and who really cares about anything else at the moment?

Many people have told me I am a very laid back new mom, and that makes me happy. I think a few things have helped me be this way: Kennedy's father, who I love deeply (he keeps me calm), my ridiculously awesome support system of family and friends, and perspective on what matters right now. Time together, getting to know one another and be together. This little face. Falling in love in a whole new way, and capturing those feelings in my mind (words and pictures help with this, too). I've always been a hopeless romantic. I just hadn't equated parenting with this new super awesome kind of romance. But I'm pretty glad I've found it.

Nature vs. Nurture

Multiple times a day, Jake and I find ourselves saying, "...just like Mommy" or "...just like Daddy." We are smitten with the little things Kennedy does that remind us of one another. So far, we've come up with this list:

• Open mouth sleeper like Daddy
• Furrowed brows like Daddy
• Fears transition like Mommy
• Loves to cuddle like Mommy
• Loves car rides like Daddy (especially when he was a baby)
• Good sleeper, like BOTH Mommy and Daddy!

I know there are a million more we've noticed, but this is what comes to mind right now. Are these observations really just coincidences, or is there some truth behind the commonalities we see? It makes me wonder again - what traits are we born with, and what traits are learned? It's a million dollar question, and I find myself asking this question a lot more frequently now that I'm thinking about how to model good behavior for my daughter and how much it really matters.

I am a big believer in the environment around us helping shape who we are, but I'm also sure that it's a combination. My behavior has just never had such a huge impact on another human being, so I'm thinking more and more about this.

That's about all I have for real thoughts today - my other thoughts come in the form of pictures that are truly worth more than any words or thoughts I might write:

We love the paci!

Sleeping on Grandpa's lap

Trying the new sling

Cozy sleeper

This was Grandma's hat when she was an infant! Precious.

Yes, we are still happily in love!