My Three Favorite Christmas Songs

I like to classify things - I always have. Most things in my life fall into "love" or "hate" categories, and my opinions are rarely a surprise to those around me. I realized this once again when playing Cranium Whoonu with my work team this week over lunch. From a player's hand of 4 nouns, the person has to select the card that the 'judge' will be drawn to. When I'm the judge, I get a LOT of words that are a really good fit. Top competitors included Sleeping In, Walking the Dog, Daydreaming, Golf, Bookstores. Yes, these things are all obviously me.

Today I'd like to officially classify my three favorite Christmas songs, hoping to get you even more in the spirit of what's to come this week. These may have been sparked by some pretty unconventional versions, but I have truly loved every rendition I've heard of these classics over the years. What are YOUR favorites??

1) Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, as first sung by Bert and Ernie on Christmas Eve on Sesame Street. I have very early memories of watching this movie every year, and completely loving this part. It warms my heart! My memories of this song date back to the 1980s, and this would be my first favorite. (PS - Can't wait to share this all-time classic movie w/ Baby Girl!)

2) Oh Holy Night, as sung by Christina Aguilera on her Christmas album from 2000. She's got a voice, you can't deny it. I will forever love Christina. This version sparked my love for this song and the feeling it brings right up to Christmas Day!

3) The Christmas Song, most recently sung by Keith Urban on CMA Country Christmas about a month ago. When asked to describe his favorite Christmas songs, he said he loves the songs that have a bit of melancholy, nostalgia, real sentiment. (Do you SEE why I love this guy?!)

ENJOY!
Wishing you all an incredibly Merry Christmas! 

Thankful

This year, I'm feeling oh-so-thankful. Maybe it's because I have more time to think about things, envision our future growing family, become attuned with the next chapter in life... but it just seems like the good keeps on coming. I've always believed in The Secret (long before it was the secret) and how much positivity attracts positive outcomes. But sometimes I have to say to myself, wow, does it REALLY work this way? I'm going to run through the alphabet, as we often do around the Thanksgiving meal, which will not only be reflective but also ensure I'm prepared for Thursday's dinner :)


A) Apples. Honestly, my biggest craving since being pregnant! I don't know what it is, they are just so juicy and crunchy, and I seriously eat a couple a day. I suppose there could be worse cravings...


B) Balance. I'm really trying to achieve balance in my life in the upcoming year, probably in part because I know new motherhood will take it out of me. The past three years I've run around the world like a crazy person for school, wedding planning, wedding attending, and now I'm getting ready for some serious chill time.


C) Callaway. A true constant light in my life. She has been so clingy lately, and I'm curious to see how she does with the baby. I think she'll adjust, but I will always ALWAYS cherish the time that the two of us spend together (even after the baby is born, we will need it!)


D) Days off work. I've been trying to preserve these for next summer, but I have a couple good trips coming up. Honestly, not being at work when the rest of the world is at work feels so GREAT!


E) E! News, which is a GREAT decompressor from a long day. Really, you should try it sometime.


F) Family. Our family has shifted a lot over the past year, and will continue to do so. Generations are changing roles, and new traditions are starting to take place. I look forward to the future with family (both biological, and those friends who are truly like family to us). On a similar note...


G) Grandparents. We lost both grandpas this year, and while I felt okay at that time, they still linger in my thoughts and heart on an almost daily basis. I often drive past things that ooze Grandpa Bill, being our lives were so intertwined. And with the holidays coming, lately I've pictured Christmas Eve at Grandpa Orlo's, sleeping with the cousins in the back bedroom, getting ready for Christmas Eve Mass, eating Hormel ham and waking up to his famous french toast. These are great memories that are forever with me, and on the grandparents theme, I look forward to seeing the Jake's and my parents become grandparents and share such traditions with my children.


H) Hot weather. We had some HEAT this July, and to be honest, I loved every minute of it! 


I) India. January was an incredible experience, one of those that come around only a few times in a lifetime. I hope to go back (and take Jake with me!) someday.

J) Jake. Predictable I know, but we are really lucky. Between our work trips, we will have spent a couple months apart this year, and that time truly reminds me of how deeply important he is. I'm one lucky girl.


K) Keith Urban. He knocked my socks off at the most recent concert! Best concert I've been to in a few years. Seriously love him.


L) Lena Svenson. Yes, the radio DJ who just left the Dave Ryan show on KDWB. I have enjoyed waking up to her every weekday for the past 4 years, and now she is gone! I am not quite sure how they'll replace her, but I said that about Corey Foley back in the day, too.


M) MacBrook Pro. My new MacBook is honestly awesome, and I got a great deal on it with my student discount (and recycled my old one for an Apple gift card - great program!)


N) Natalie. Honestly, the best sister ever. It's been fun spending more and more time together each year we get older. I think this will only continue, especially because she's going to be such a fabulous auntie.


O) OE, or Organizational Effectiveness, in entirety. I've been lucky to work on this broader team for the past 19 months, and it is truly great. Yes, we all have things we like and don't like about our jobs, but this is a good one for me because it fits well with my strengths and interests.


P) Pinterest. Not just because of what it is, but what it stands for - continuous innovation on the Internet. After they come out, I always say "why didn't I think of this?!" Well one of these days, watch out, it might just happen.


Q) Quiet time. I went on the GAC retreat with my dear friend Emily in October, and we experienced so much silence - at first it felt strange, but I am learning to enjoy it! Often I run from the buzz of work, to my car radio, to the television, but these days am learning to enjoy the sound of nothing.


R) Rice Paper. This is a restaurant that Crystal and Matt introduced us to earlier this year, and it's pretty great!


S) Steve Jobs. I've been a Mac girl since before he made this company huge, but it's been awesome to see a genius at work. THAT is an example of a life worth living. RIP, Steve.


T) Traditions with friends. We've gotten into a fairly standard groove. We celebrate birthdays over fondue, have Friendsgiving brunch the Saturday after Thanksgiving, do annual highs and lows at the Christmas party at my house, and generally just enjoy time together.


U) Ultrasounds - and all technology that have helped me see, hear, and learn about the growing baby girl!


V) Vampires, and specifically vampire movies (aka Breaking Dawn). I left this one just happy. I didn't love the first couple movies (though I loved the books), but this one has a romance and plot that I just can NOT stop thinking about.


W) White Noise. Jake got me a machine from Brookstone last Christmas, and I have to say, it's just soothing. It's been such a great addition to our sleep haven (aka bedroom). 


X) The most difficult letter, of course. This year I really can't think of something good, so I'm going to to cheat a little and pick one of my fav 2011 songs - by Katy Perry, called E.T. But it stands for Extraterrestrial - Xtraterrestrial - get it?!


Y) Youth. We start turning 30 this year, people. It's crazy. I have heard it's no big deal, but I definitely don't feel like a kid anymore (maybe because I'm baking one). BUT anything that will continue to make me feel young is welcome in my book!


Z) Zynga, the maker of Words with Friends and Hanging with Friends. These apps have made my evenings so much fun, and even Jake gets into playing the games sometimes!

Life Lessons from Callie's 2nd Year

From this... (first pic of Callie from the breeder)

 ...to this (2 days before her 2nd birthday)

Well, people, I have now spent two full years on this planet!  That means - yes - it's time for me to write again and share all my knowledge and wisdom with you. I think I have learned a lot this year. Not only did I learn to use the ramp to get up and down from the bed, I also shake the water from my body on command before getting out of the shower. And above, you can see me sitting and waiting as patiently as I can for my favorite thing - a TREAT!  In more insightful news:

1. Give more love than you think you can ever receive. Just try it - you'll be amazed at the amount of love are given in return. There is no limit to how much we can love one another.
2. Show people how much you care! This might mean kisses, cuddling, jumping for joy, or just being with them through happiness and tears. If you love someone, show them. They will get so much out of the relationship, and you will, too.
3. Use your senses to assess the situation. You don't need too many facts or data - just use your sight, hearing, touch, taste, and smell (my personal favorite!) My nose twitches when I'm sniffing something out, and my findings are usually spot on.
4. Ask for what you want. Be it through sitting politely, begging, whining, or even the occasional bark (or yell!), people can only help you get what you want if you ask them for it!
5. Stay up late and sleep in when you can. When the blinds are closed and it's dark outside, don't feel guilty if you stay in bed all day, only getting up to use the bathroom.
6. Turn off the technology. Sometimes when Allison is on the computer, I hop right up and sit between her and the screen, so she can't see what she's doing. She doesn't need to be on it anyways; instead, she should be spending time with her loved ones (me included!)
7. Get outside, even when it's cold out. The fresh air will invigorate you, and make you thankful for the central heat that we often take for granted.
8. Find your people. We all have them. And once you find them, hang on tightly - they are why we exist.

See last year's birthday post here.

Love, Callie

Larry Larry M

Tonight I went to wing night with my fantastic in-laws.  Just the three of us.  Jake was working, and I wanted to see them so I drove through rush hour traffic to meet them at their Thursday night bar and grill.  There we were, enjoying their weekly tradition, being served by the waitress who has become truly a friend.  My in-laws have been going to "wing night" for years and have been able to develop this relationship with the server, an extremely sweet girl who knows exactly what we want every time.  This server even invited them to her wedding, and last week, when she had found out we're having a baby girl, sent home a bag of thoughtfully selected pink gifts for Baby Matthies.

These are the kinds of things that make my heart smile.  My father-in-law is a simple man and would never claim to be otherwise.  He is completely happy waking up well before the sun rises, heading to work before most of the world is awake, starting his evening with a cigar in the garage and ribs on the grill, building traditions like Thursday night wings and spending his weekends in solitude or with his close family.  And I've really found a lot of beauty in this life he leads.  He has shown me how life can happen by avoiding the hustle and bustle, opting out of the rat race and choosing to find true happiness in the simplest of things.  I realize that these family traditions and fascinating relationships, like the one with the Thursday night server, don't happen to people who are too busy racing from one thing to the next, people who are focused on impressing society while worried to slow down their lives and let things happen.  Their lifestyle reminds me of living in a small town, but they're actually in a Minneapolis suburb - so they get to experience the best of both worlds.

My father-in-law is predictable - he has the same jokes and shares the same sense of humor as his father and his son. There is so much about him that I see Jake turning into, and quite honestly, I'm okay with that!  I realize more and more how sharing my life with Jake makes me a better person.  I see similar qualities in my marriage to Jake that I see in the marriage that my in-laws have endured for over 30 years.

We'll be spending the week of Christmas together, and growing up I never could have envisioned having to miss my own parents on Christmas.  Now I realize how grateful I am to have extended my family - really doubled it - into the great thing that it is today.

Avocado, Onion, Green Pepper, & Tomato. Guacamole, or GIRL?!

Lil' Baby Matthies has moved on from fruit and been working her way through the vegetable section lately.  By vegetable, I mean veggies that sound a lot like a guacamole recipe!  But even bigger than that - I can now officially say "she" - we found out Monday that we are having a baby girl.  We are so excited.  The ultrasound was a great experience, and our tech was awesome. She spent about 30 minutes with us starting at the top of baby's head, showing us the parts of the brain, onto the lungs and the chambers of the heart. We even got to see red and blue flowing through the veins where the blood flowed to and from the heart. Ultrasound technology sure is advanced these days!

She worked her way through each arm and leg, the stomach, and we got to see baby's beautiful profile. I've heard that the profile is really indicative of how they look when they come out! If that's the case, we're going to have a tiny little peanut with a cute little button nose.  Baby weighed in at 11 ounces and about 6 inches long - the tech said she's about the size and weight of a can of pop!  Then we made it down to the butt, where we got to see two little buns and confirmed that yes - indeed, SHE is a GIRL.  Of course I was like, "Are you SURE?" This seems to be my reaction to most news lately - starting when Jake proposed, to the news we were pregnant, and now this.  Yes, she said we could go home and plan for pink.

It's still shocking to me that Baby Girl Matthies is only an eighth of the weight she will be when born, and about a quarter of the length.  We've got lots of growing to do in this second half.  Lots of people have asked how I've been feeling - the answer is that overall, I feel great!  I'm trying to focus my efforts this next month on finishing school, as I have 10 night left of school and will finish mid-December.  It's true the second trimester is much easier than the first, and I'm hoping by the third trimester I will just be so focused on planning and getting things ready that it will fly by.  Jake has been very supportive and caring.  Yesterday we registered at Babies R Us and Target, and it was pretty comical how neither of us really felt like we knew what we were doing.  It was a whole lot of "Do you like this?" "Sure." and "Does she need one of these?" "Hmm, why not?" We'll get this thing down sooner or later, but the learning process, bumps and challenges along the way will make the journey that much more exciting. :)

Where I'm From

It always helps to understand where people are coming from. It uses the same brain and heart muscles as assuming positive intent.  Far too often, we don't take the time to understand where one another comes from. By this, I don't mean big family, small family, farm town, or city - but really the true makeup of WHO WE ARE.  At the retreat, we were asked to write a poem using the structure that has been used by George Ella Lyon and others. In the effort of sharing, here is the poem I wrote about myself.  I think it's a great activity for you to partake in too, on one of these lovely fall days!

I am from twin-like sisters,
The leader to "Little Miss Me Too."
I am from rental homes
And blue school buses,
Armed with mosquito nets and bunk beds,
Parked in rural campgrounds along the way.


I am from road trips to Yellowstone
Where we checked off state license plates,
Kept score in family games, 
And closely encountered the grand bison.


I am "the little girl with the big brain"
From a long line of perfectionist planners and know-it-alls,
A lover of Math AND English
Who played foursquare and hopscotch,
Jumped rope and built forts,
Spending energy competing with myself
Above all else.


I am from The GANG -
A tightly knit nuclear family
From grandparents who loved us deeply,
Celebrating Christmas Eve in Austin
Late night music, bonfires, and games
The Wires Family
That ends with my sister and me.


I am from the photographic memory
That forever keeps it etched in my mind
As though it were all just yesterday.

Food for the Soul

This weekend I was lucky enough to participate in a Courage and Renewal Retreat, put on by the (formerly known as) Center for Vocational Reflection at Gustavus, for Gustie Alumni (and friends).  I was also lucky enough to share the retreat experience with my good friend Emily.  It was at Prairie Oaks Institute in Belle Plaine, and I'll tell you many more details in these upcoming posts.  I was given PLENTY of things to share with you over the next couple weeks!  I'm still processing a lot of it, but for starters, I wanted to share a paragraph from a poem called "Camas Lilies," by Lynn Ungar.

"And you, what of your rushed and
useful life? Imagine setting it all down-
papers, plans, appointments, everything-
leaving only a note: 'Gone 
to the fields to be lovely. Be back
when I'm through with blooming.' "


More to come for sure, but in the meantime, know that I had an awesome weekend that was grounded in these thoughts!  My life is so rushed, and I like to think, so useful.  But what about letting it all go for awhile?  How awesome can it be to take an undefined amount of time to be lovely?!


I hope you had as great a weekend as I did. :)

Strawberry, Plum, Lime, Lemon, Peach, Apple = Fruit Salad?

Baby Matthies has been making his or her way through the produce section lately. Honestly, the past month has been AWESOME - exactly 1 month go today we went "public" with news of the little one in my tummy. It's funny, everywhere I go people are asking, "How are you feeling?" I didn't realize so many people would ask this question! I guess it's common, but I feel like I'm always updating people on my current state. It's nice to know how many care. In truth, I feel great! It's been an easy month. Very little nausea, no more tired than usual, and I've been able to buy some fun maternity clothes (even at a consignment shop with my dear friend Crystal!) The fetus just surpassed apple size just in time for fall. This week, we're looking more like an avocado in length and weight.

I feel like my belly has really popped even in the last week. A few people have even looked at my belly and given me the questioning look, like "You're pregnant, right?" as opposed to me just thinking people notice on their own. Last night I am 90% sure I felt the first flutters of baby movement. It was like a butterfly flutter or popcorn popping, which is very much like what the books describe. The same thing happened tonight, and although I can't completely distinguish it, I think it's really true!!

9 months seems like a long time to be pregnant at first glance, but the fact that 4 of those months have already come and gone is somewhat surreal. I feel that I have been pregnant for awhile, but the idea of having little Baby Matthies here in 5 short months is still mind-boggling! We have a lot to do to get ready.

Final update: Oct 24 we will learn the gender of the baby! I keep thinking about how the truth is already there - the baby is already girl or boy, but it's just a secret to us. An important secret the baby is holding onto for now, until we get to share in that knowledge in just 3 more weeks. We can hardly wait.

Sesame Seed to Lentil, to Blueberry, Kidney Bean, and Grape.

Written August 11


This last month + has been a whirlwind.  Not only has this baby grown from a poppy seed at 4 weeks to a green grape at 9 weeks tomorrow, I've noticed changes in my eating, senses, stomach, and emotions that continually remind me that my body is not my own anymore.  I am growing something - sharing it with a tiny little being that is completely human, a concept I still have yet to fully comprehend.

Although the pregnancy is still a secret, we use "secret" lightly.  As someone said, it's more that it's just not broadcast.  We have told plenty of family and friends, but these are people who we would want around us for support in case something did go wrong.  Next week on Tuesday we get to have our first doctor's appt, which will really help me start to move from the scientific ("What is developing now?") to the emotional ("What is the baby feeling? Sensing? What will he/she be like?") as I feel more comfortable that this tiny little being will one day be resting in my arms.

It's fun each week because Crystal takes pictures of me with the food item that the baby most closely resembles. I've never paid so close attention to the vast size difference between each of these items!  Next week we go from green grape to kumquat. THAT is huge.  Each week is huge! No wonder I'm feeling nauseous and exhausted most of the time!  She also takes pictures of my profile and my belly straight on. We were looking at YouTube videos that depict a pregnancy time lapse of the mama and her belly.  This one is my favorite: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wFsFtHhMAE  I'm hopeful we'll be able to make something like this too!

It's also been fun to share pregnancy stories with other friends who have been recently pregnant or are pregnant - we are certainly at that age!  Books give me so much great information about what's happening each week, and I even have a book from my mom called The Pregnancy Journal which tells what is happening each DAY!  For example, today the baby's arms, which are fully developed in proportion to the body and even bend at the elbows, are no longer than this printed 1.  What?!? Isn't that the most insane thing you've ever heard?!  Also, today the baby weighs the same as 1/5 teaspoon of water. !!!

More to come soon I'm sure, but for now, I'm just happy, feeling healthy, trying to stay calm, and enjoying the days, even though each day feels like molasses.  When I think I'm only 9 weeks pregnant, I think, "That's not very much!" But then I subtract 9 from 40, and think to myself, "OMG! I am going to have a BABY here in 31 weeks! That's nothing at all!!!" So I am trying my best to enjoy each waking and sleeping moment as we prepare for this little one.

That Home on the Hill

Earth Jam - velcro wall with Seth

 Part of our softball team, The Swingers. Tai, Betsy, Me, Jake

 Jake in our dorms trying on my clothes

 "Family Breakfast Table" - our awesome group of friends at the GAC sign

 Homecoming queen nominees, Crystal and me, with Paul, the king

 Senior year party - Bert and Ernie, Pebbles and Bam Bam

 J term after guitar practice with JZ at our house on Elm

It's completely inevitable this time of year.  I don't even try to pretend anymore.  My heart aches, as I feel the cool fall breezes coming in.  I see school buses practicing their routes and college football on TV.  At Target, kids choose colored pens and notebooks, and recent high school grads excitedly load up on shower caddies, clothes hampers, ramen, and flashy decor for their dorm rooms.  

The Thursday before Labor Day, I am fully reminded of the years I moved in to campus to prepare for the incoming freshmen, who would arrive on Saturday.  For the Gustavus Class of 2015, that's today.  In about 6 hours, station wagons and SUVs will line up on College Avenue, and a new round of Gustie freshmen will move old couches, hand-me-down televisions, flashy new microwaves, and large Rubbermaid tubs into campus.  Most likely, they will either turn left at the sign (to Pittman) or right (to Coed).  11 years ago, my family drove both station wagons down, and we turned right.

My college roommate Tai called me today and left me a voicemail, after she had read on Facebook about people getting ready for the big move back to St. Peter.  She wanted to remind me of the day and how it's now been 11 years since we anxiously said goodbye to our families to enter this completely new world - a world that will forever be listed in my book as nothing short of spectacular.  

I remember some little details, like my parents hugging me goodbye in the parking lot, my dad putting his sunglasses on so I wouldn't see his tears.  He hugged me and he said, "I'm really proud of you, take care of yourself."  I moved in with Beth Boser, an only child from Plymouth who lived with her mom and immediately exuded more confidence than I was feeling.  I remember my Gustie Greeter, Cambria Halgren, who led us through orientation.  We started class the following Wednesday, the day I only had Macroeconomics with Henry Hays.  The other four days I had First Term Seminar, Spanish, and Calculus.  I remember feeling it was nice to ease my way in on a Wednesday.

The next years, I moved to St. Peter early to prepare for orientation, as I became a Gustie Greeter and helped make move-in day special for the incoming freshmen.  I was also involved in a gajillion other activites, and every one of them helped shape who I am now.  Gustavus for me was not just school - it was a way of life.  The pictures I share here are a snippet of the random adventures we had and the amazing people I got to share them with.  

I still have a recurring dream that it's senior year and I only have a few months, and I'm scrambling to make the best of them.  And when I think of autumn leaves and a river valley, I think of meeting Emily Kofoed on that bench by Old Main every single time.  

Part of the excitement of getting ready for this baby is thinking about experiencing life again through his or her eyes.  Jake and I have been watching Glee, and parts make me nostalgic about my old high school days.  In the not so distant future, I will get to experience running around on the playground, hopscotch, jumprope, tee ball, slip-n-slides, Red Rover, Field Day, and H.O.R.S.E. in the eyes and smiles of my child.  And when I drive him or her to college in about 19 years, my heart will ache, but in a different way.  I will also be oozing with joy for the experience upon which they are about to embark.

And baby makes three. (or four, if you count Callie)

Written July 10th


So I can't share this with you for a couple months, but I wanted to write it now while things are brand new.  This is the craziest thing that has happened to me in awhile, if not EVER!  A baby?!  Jake and I started talking about having a family mid last year, and while we are completely prepared, I remember saying that I just can't imagine what it will be like when the news actually comes.

Just this Tuesday, July 5, Jake and I were out at the dog park with Callie.  We came home and Jake ran back out to get gas for the lawn mower.  While he was out, I reached for a pregnancy test - something that had become more common in recent times.  I just had a hunch - and when that horizontal line that I had come to know so well all of a sudden had a faint vertical line appearing on top of it, creating a positive sign, my heart skipped a few beats.  I stared at it, then paced around the house. I clasped my hands.  I talked to Callie out loud, telling her I think our family was expanding.

Jake got home shortly thereafter, saying he was going to mow the lawn.  I asked him to come inside and showed him the test.  He looked at me like, "What does this mean??" I told him I thought it was positive, as in the numerous tests I had taken to date, I hadn't ever seen a faint vertical line.  He said, "Well, I'm going to Walgreens to get more!" and hopped back in the car.

He showed up back home with a 4-pack for good measure.  I took one more test that night, then even a third the next night, just to confirm. Neither of us slept much that Tuesday night, and I went to work in a daze on Wednesday.  I ran over to Crystal's house to tell her midday on Wednesday - I thought she might be home since she has the summers off from teaching.  Her response? "Here, sit down and have some homemade sorbetta! It'll be good for the baby."

Thursday was the appointment with Dr. Toll, who I was excited for Jake to meet.  I love her and wish she could be with me through this process, but she is not an OB so now we're searching for the right clinic for the baby.  She confirmed it, and as of now, the due date is March 16! A spring baby, a St. Patty's day baby, or from the Bible, think of John 3:16. These things all come into my mind immediately.

Friday night we told our parents, which was beyond exciting for us.  All four parents and two sisters were thrilled, and we now will have our very own little baby in the Wires/Matthies families for the first time.  I even think Callie can tell, as she just spent the last 30 minutes sprawled out on my tummy, as if to care for and protect it. She has never laid like this before, and literally just hopped up there and laid down!

So the poppy seed is in the process of transitioning into a sesame seed right now, and we're beyond excited for every step along the way.  The embryonic period has started which my app tells me is "the most dramatic and vulnerable period of development." The placenta begins to function this week, and the baby already has an amniotic sac and amniotic fluid.  STRANGE.

How am I feeling? Hopeful. A bit overwhelmed. Cautious in what I'm doing, how quickly I'm preparing for things, as I try to let it all sink in. Happy to have such amazing family and friends to share the news with (both at this secret time and in the weeks to come).

GET EXCITED for the journey ahead!!!  I know we are. :)

Team Rainbow

I started writing this the weekend of Twin Cities Pride, when I was able to get out there and celebrate something much bigger than myself.  Equality among all types of sexual orientation.  Equality among people.  One thing I have found interesting is how much intensity I've observed in pro/anti GLBT discussions and beliefs over the past few years. Maybe I've just paid closer attention, or maybe it truly means we're getting somewhere here.

I have this quote on my Facebook profile, and I just think it rings so truly, that I have to post it here, too. 

"Here's what I don't understand: Is there so much love and commitment in the world that we can afford, as a society, to be contemptuous of some part of it?" -Anna Quindlen in Newsweek, in reference to the opposition to gay marriage

Now that I think about it, I may have posted this on a previous blog post. That's okay - I think it's important enough to hear a couple times.  Last time I was referring to sappy relationships, this time it's important to think about same-sex relationships, or other relationships for that matter, that scare you just because it's not familiar to you.  Relationships that seem awkward because they're not what you're used to.  It's okay to feel awkward.  It's just not okay to judge that the relationship is inferior to the ones you've experienced.

I think back to junior high, when I made friends with this smart SMART boy named Greg.  Greg and I were in a lot of classes together - Algebra, English, Science, History.  We were the smart kids, we knew it.  We formed a coalition very early on.  We'd take pride in our work.  In high school we were in a joint Enriched English/History block class, where we made films about Sacagawea and read The Grapes of Wrath.  Senior year, Greg and I went to prom together.  (If I look back at journals from sophomore and junior year, there were times when I felt heartbroken by Greg as well).  We all knew Greg was going to do amazing things in the world, so when he would return home from becoming that world-renowned pianist we knew he was, I'd get to hear stories of New York City and his crazy life.  And I vividly remember the day he told me he was gay.  He said it, and I was like "Okay, that's great.  No big deal."  He was still just my Greg - the smart boy I'd been friends with for over a decade.

To this day, I have some extremely close gay friends, and in my mind, there isn't even necessity for a label.  They're just Greg. Carl. Trace. Ryan. Mark. People with amazingly big personalities and even bigger hearts.  

Soar With Your Strengths

So it was inevitable. I knew sometime I would write about this. It's something I so strongly and whole-heartedly believe in that I just can't not write about it!

A couple years ago, I learned about StrengthsFinder and the book "Now Discover Your Strengths" by Marcus Buckingham, Tom Rath, and The Gallup Organization. At first I thought this might be a standard business book, but soon learned it was nothing of the sort.  StrengthsFinder is a MOVEMENT.  It's all about being the best YOU you can be, by realizing your strengths and using them to your advantage.

I recently read an article about Sheryl Sandberg, the COO at Facebook (former executive at Google).  People like this are strong, and they're not strong because they work on their weaknesses.  They're strong because they push them to the side, face forward, as she says, "lean in," and take risks.  They use their strengths because they know that's what will get them to tomorrow.

The book breaks strengths into 34 themes - themes they've identified that are common threads in the most successful people they've interviewed.  You can take the test when you buy the book (StrengthsFinder 2.0 is the latest version) and learn which are your top 5.  I've taken the test twice, with very different focuses, and came out with the same top 5 for each (slightly different order). My top strength* was the same both times.

• Maximizer*
• Competition
• Strategic
• Futuristic
• Activator

Because there are 34 themes, it's very unlikely you'll encounter someone with your exact same top 5.  This also has its advantages.  YOU get to bring your strengths combination to the table - no one else has what you do.  When I read more about these 5 - and there's plenty of literature out there to tell you about them - I notice how closely they hit home.  These things are within me, engrained in me. It'd be impossible to avoid them, or even try to tone them down if I wanted to.  

However, there are themes on the list such as Harmony, Context, and Discipline that will never ring true for me.  I can try to make them a part of my day, but when I have great people around me who bring these also great themes, why should I focus my efforts there?  Instead, I should be the best Maximizer I can be (redundant, right?) I should combine by Futurstic (looking over the mountain) with my Strategic (seeing around the mountain) to solve problems in the best way possible.  THIS is where I will focus my efforts, forever. I can pretty much promise you this.

Those of you who have taken StrengthsFinder - what are your top 5? I'd love to hear about them.  Do they ring true for you? What have you learned about yourself by doing this exercise and reading the books? I hope you've taken away as much as I have.  I honestly think if we all do this, we'll just be able to work even more effectively to make the world a better place.

The Language of Love

My friend Whitney first introduced me to the Five Love Languages.  I'm not sure if you've read this book, but if you haven't, you can check it out here. (you can even take the quiz on the site to learn how you show love and like to be loved in a variety of relationships, including romantic, friendships, parent/child, etc).

I think it is insightful to consider the way we love and the way we want to receive love, as sometimes they are not the same.  Have you ever had that down day when you feel like you're off beat, and experiencing things a bit more alone than usual?  Admit it, we all have those days.  Many times I've talked to friends whose day could have been better just by feeling more connected to others, just by feeling that self worth.

What I've realized is this: it's important to make sure you're recognizing the things around you that ooze love, things you might not even notice.  These are things that are outside of your love language(s) that don't resonate with you in the same way they might with others.

Did a friend do a favor for you without even asking? Did someone tell you how great you look? Did your spouse or family member call just to say hello? Were you able to spend time with someone not doing much of anything, just enjoying one another's company?

Last week on the radio - (yes, The Dave Ryan Show) - there was a Group Therapy bit, which is a weekly session where someone calls in with an issue and then other callers weigh in on the matter.  The woman said she does not feel "in love" with her husband and that she is only 30, so she's wondering if she should leave him.  It made me think about all of the different aspects of love and while yes, you need the passionate kind, I felt like she was overly focused on what she considers romantic love during the call.  While I do not know her situation at all, I think it's important to recognize every language of love and the role they play in one's life.  I try to, and I hope you do too! When we think about all the various types of love, I think we tend to feel better about ourselves, and about the great people around us.

Table for One

I'm sitting at a small cafe in Nashville at the airport, as my flight was delayed. Yes, I'm still wearing my cowboy hat! Last night was awesome and I can't wait to tell you more. For now, its time to enjoy a new read I discovered called The Carrie Diaries, which tells the story of Carrie Bradshaw before NYC. And a coffee.

Love spending down time like this! The delay shouldn't be more than 90 minutes so I'm just going with the flow...

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9

2 Wolves

This one won't be long, but  I wanted to share an idea I heard not that long ago. I think it's great life perspective. If you've heard this before, you'll probably realize I don't retell it quite in the same way (for having a good memory, I get idioms wrong all the time).

Think of your life as being led by two wolves.  One wolf is good and the other is evil.  They are both pulling at you, trying to determine your future.  The big question: which wolf will win?  The answer: It completely depends on which wolf you feed. 

Do you feed the negative things in your life? Do you surround yourself with negativity, gossip, backstabbing, inauthenticity, greed, selfishness?  Or do you surpass all of these things and surround yourself with exactly what you want your life to be?  It's easy to get sucked in.  When I encounter hundreds of different people each week, it's easy to lose focus and follow the crowd.  But I'm finding that as I get older, feel comfortable with just me, that I have much less tolerance for the negative.  If you're finding yourself stuck in a rut, wallowing in your sorrows, facing a lot of negativity lately, think about the wolves. Are you doing everything you can to feed the good wolf? 

The Roles We Play

Whitney's the dreamer, the fun-loving baby of the group. Emily's the sweet and compassionate one - the teacher, extremely patient and great with children. Libby's the All-American athlete with the big heart, who goes with the flow and smiles her way through life.  (She also brings a lot of smiles to every life around her.)  Amanda had to grow up way too fast. She's the strong one, mature beyond her years, the one who moved away to leave a past behind her, the English major who thinks deeply, protects her heart, but treats those who she lets into her life like gold.

I'm not sure what that makes me.  If I had to say, I'd call myself the sentimental one, the keeper of memories and nostalgia, who keeps us organized and also expects deep conversation about things that matter.

Close friends are not all alike. I see this play out time and time again in my life, as often the people we click with most are able to bring something new and different from what we already know.  They challenge us, bring perspective, and help shape who we are.

This weekend completely reinforced all of this.  Spending time with Emily, Whitney, Libby and Amanda has always been awesome - but what I realized this weekend was how cool it is that we all come from different worlds - different ages, friend groups, personalities, and even general lifestyles, yet the great game of golf brought us together 13 years ago and since then, things have never been the same.

And here's the best realization from this weekend.  When I hang out with these girls, I find myself wanting to be more like each one of them.  I want to incorporate their best traits into who I am.  This happens with friends - as we can see Whitney growing up and successfully projecting into her career, Emily borrowing a chapter from Amanda's book of strength, and me trying to mellow out a bit and be more carefree like Libby.  I truly believe the roles we play are shaped by those around us, and if you're able to surround yourself with amazing people, I'm 99% confident life is going to be okay.

30 hours in the car plus another 52 hours in State College gave me this amazing outlook on the upcoming summer.  As my friend Crystal pointed out, yes, I am generally optimistic, but right now I feel so much positive energy and excitement about what's to come.  I'm sure subsequent entries will cover more of these thoughts in detail, but when I think about this weekend and what it meant to me, this is what I take away:

• Close friends are not all alike. Appreciate the differences; they are beyond valuable.
• As James Taylor says, "Shower the people you love with love; show them the way that you feel." We're pretty good at this, but it's great to ask yourself if you could be doing this any better.
• Be present in the moment. It's easy to get distracted by technology, obligations, buzz, gossip, swirling energy of all kinds, but TRY to be present in the situation. (Yes, with my short attention span I will be working on this one for awhile).
• Find balance in life. Don't try to cram in too much - take each day as it comes. Because of the surprise, we literally had nothing planned for the weekend, but once we arrived at Amanda's, it all fell into perfect place.
• Be the best YOU you can be. There's no better way to be.

As Whit said on the car ride home, "I think we rock."  That's because we each play our role, but borrow from one another when necessary.  We teach each other, bring out the best in each other, and as corny as it sounds, love each other for exactly WHO WE ARE.

(PS You'll hear more details about what we did on the trip, but for now we'll go with extreme reflection, and hopefully a bit of inspiration along the way.  In the meantime, if you want to see what we've already written, check out our blog about our road trip to State College, Pennsylvania that we hope to continue updating over the years.)

Easter - A Month (or more) Late

Okay, so I'm going to go there. Religion, that inevitably tough topic. Why is it that beliefs about where we come from and where we're going build tension between people in such profound ways? Jake believes that organized religion is the root of all conflict.  I believe he is onto something, but this makes me sad. I was raised a religious, spiritual person, and I grew up with it having a very obvious place in my life.  Often now I find myself thinking about the role I want religion to play in my adult life, my marriage and my family.

Every now and then, I feel this amazing burst of passion for Christianity, and more specifically the Lutheran Church. Unfortunately, sometimes things happen that make me feel less ecstatic about the Church.  This Easter was a great example of the positive feeling I have for spirituality, Christianity, being a Lutheran.  Easter often gives me this kind of energy.  

Growing up, I was more excited for Easter over any other service, mainly because of the music. A brass quartet. A processional with bells and swirling streamers.  And a couple of key songs to start and end the service. The processional was always "Jesus Christ is Risen Today", and the recessional of choice: "Now Let the Vault of Heaven Resound" - these are songs I grew up listening to at church, making me feel refreshed, springy, free, happy.  Springy, free, happy. Sometimes I say spring is my favorite (other times I say it's summer). Growing up, spring meant golf season, finishing class for the year, summer break.  Now it means planting a garden, walking to my car outside, avoiding the skyways, wearing shoes without socks. Sandals instead of Uggs. These are all freeing activities!

Pastor Dan Poffenberger (who married us) talked a lot about freedom in the Easter sermon, and I was so moved that I found myself writing down his key phrases.  First, check out these tulips (from the Chanhassen Arb) that ooze spring.

Pastor Dan's key phrases were all related to freedom. He often injects positivity that at times, is not prevalent in a church setting. His positivity and outlook on Christianity are always refreshing, rewarding and help keep me grounded in what it means to live spiritually. These were the nuggets I took from this Easter, which after 20+ years of Trinity Easter, I actually believe was one of the best. 

Easter brings a sense of renewal, of freedom.  Freedom in this sense gives us an abundance of amazing thoughts about what our lives can be -

• We are free to offer compassion when the world tells you not to. (This is HUGE for me.  I see a lack of compassion far too often, and I will continue to strive for better.)
• We are free from -isms and putting people into boxes (another huge one, as we focus on less judgment, and one of my favorite key phrases: ASSUME POSITIVE INTENT! **This concept works in almost every aspect of life.)
• We are free to feel joy, love, hope - key components to a healthy, happy life.
• We feel free to remove the stone from our hearts - seriously, stop the cynicism, the judgment, the negativity towards those who are different in big and small ways.
• Christians should have this sense of equanimity - I thought this was an interesting word choice because when I looked up the word, it's about composure, calmness, and poise. At times I think calmness, inner peace is lacking for Christians, partially because we just overthink things.  Equanimity must be where it's at.

We are free to dream. FREE to dream up the best, most amazing lives possible, to achieve everything we can think of, to be the best possible version of ourselves. Idealist? Sure I am. But would I rather be anything else? Not at all. We all have our up and down days, but it's moments like that Easter service, when Dan was reminding me of how to focus on the most fulfilling life possible, that I truly felt grounded. I do hope you are able to experience these moments of peace, freedom, rebirth, and that this spring (and summer!) send a million moments of positivity your way. :)

Family Adams (not to be confused with the Adams Family)

What a day. Yesterday we buried Grandma and Grandpa's ashes at a cemetery near my parents' house. 20 of us gathered for a short ceremony by Pastor Dan, and then Natalie and I placed roses in their grave and the family surrounded them at their final resting place.  Grandma passed on March 12, 2002 (Grandpa kept her ashes in his apartment for the last 9 years).  Grandpa passed on December 29, 2010.  It made sense to wait for the ground to melt before burying them together.  Here are a couple pics from the burial (yes that's my dad in the hat):

After the rainy, cold, dreary burial on a Minnesota May day, we returned to my parents' for a celebration of their lives.  It was actually REALLY cool.  I didn't know what to expect, but the day made me feel awesome.  See, my sister and I don't consider ourselves to come from a big family, as over the last few years it has been just a few of us.  We only have two first cousins, and we've now lost three grandparents.  BUT, when we consider my dad and his cousins' families, we actually grew up with quite a large group.  I think about being a kid, playing with all of these other kids, who are technically my third cousins - an awesome childhood filled with memories with cool people.  We're scattered around the country now.  My grandma's maiden name was Adams.  And it all started with the woman holding me here, Grandma's mother, my Great Grandma Dot.

At night we watched actual filmstrip reels of silent video, taken in the 1950s and 60s of my dad, his two brothers, and their eight cousins.  They were a HUGE family growing up, and really focused on the meaning of family!  The parties they had for each grandchild's birthday, the huge Christmas feast, and the silly games  they played (apparently crazy amounts of "Button Button, Who's Got the Button?)  all showed me how close they really were.  They sat around a kids' table in fancy collared shirts and ties, and girlie, ruffled dresses.  They were a distinguished family, and very well-behaved children.  They paid close attention to celebrations, tradition, respect for family and bringing people together.  


Grandma had three brothers, and the two still living were there for the burial.  Each of her three brothers were also represented with a daughter present - each daughter being one of my dad's cousins.


We grew up spending entire summers in the 80s at Aldo, a lakehome affectionately named by blending my great grandpa and great grandma's first names together.  Here is Great Grandma Dot, Uncle Tom, my mom and me on the patio at Aldo.

This family, of course, was not just the Adams. We also pull in my Grandpa, the Wires side.  Here he is with my family of four.

Grandpa, Natalie and I were seriously best of friends. He always loved kids, but especially his only two granddaughters. Here you can see a classic of the three of us causing some sort of mischief or scheming a plan while sitting on his lap.

The most amazing part for me yesterday was to realize that this is where I come from.  These people - relatives who gathered from around the country presented mannerisms, made statements, and had habits that reminded me of why I am the way I am.  Both good and bad.  The filmstrip reels showed me things that have been passed down across generations.  The kids had assigned seats at birthday parties, and only put their party hats on when they were told to do so.  The cousins threw darts at a dart board, and focused SO INTENTLY on getting the bullseye.  They played games, had order and structure to the gathering.  They took turns.  They valued camaraderie.  They took things seriously.  They had fun, but in an orderly kind of way.  They taped the whole thing to preserve the memories for someone to enjoy 50 years later! And they laughed, a lot.

Not having Grandma or Grandpa there yesterday was sad.  I miss them more than I can explain.  But I take comfort in the fact that yesterday made me feel like I was part of this bigger, greater family again.  The Adams side of the family in particular was a solid part of my upbringing, and when Grandma died almost 10 years ago, some of that seemed to fizzle.  I dearly miss her, but I know she would have been so proud yesterday and she would have been just tickled that we were all getting together to celebrate her.  And seeing my grandma so happy would have been all my grandpa needed to think that yesterday was just perfect.

Driven to...

Autonomy. Mastery. Purpose.  Sounds so simple and obvious, right?  I recently read Daniel Pink’s latest book, Drive. (If you don't follow him on Twitter yet, you should @danielpink.) His words were refreshing and enlightening, and many ideas hit home, gave me new ways to think about motivating myself at work and being a better leader, and even motivated me to ensure that I lead a fulfilling career based on the things that I value, not merely the things that my company or boss values.  The ideas are pretty simple:

• Motivation 1.0 provides for basic survival skills
• Motivation 2.0 continues to play off animalistic instinct (this is how I train my dog), but
• Motivation 3.0 considers real human values, things that are seriously lacking in today’s workplace – things that will push us to be better employers and leaders into the 21^st century.

The book made me think about a couple key points of relevancy in my career.  First, as Boomers retire and we Millennials become more prominent in varying levels of leadership roles, autonomy will be apparent in the way they lead their teams.  Our generation craves autonomy, individuality and independence - I truly believe these are a part of our generational DNA.  Autonomy goes both ways between the leader and the team.  I couldn’t have imagined giving up my freedom as a leader or taking away theirs.  Leaders should be committed to guiding, coaching, being accountable and holding accountable, but ultimately for the end result, not the means. 

Next concept: mastery. The book talks about when we're in flow, and how we should find roles where we can achieve that sense of flow on a regular basis.  It's rewarding.  I think about when I'm tweaking a PowerPoint presentation, putting the finishing touches on an oil painting, or leading a team through a development exercise.  Pink would argue that if we’re masters of nothing, purely generalists, we may not achieve the level of mastery that we so crave.  Someone once told me that life is like a funnel, and with each decision, we move a bit closer to the bottom of the funnel, in that we’ve narrowed our options.  For example, my life choices have pretty much ruled out me ever being a doctor or musician.  If we do not encourage employees to continue to hone in on their strengths and what makes them tick, we may be missing an opportunity to create true masters in a variety of business domains, where today, generalists are trying to stay afloat through mediocrity instead of mastery.

Lastly, and perhaps most impactful, were my thoughts around the US healthcare system and how Pink’s third prong to Motivation 3.0, connectedness, could perhaps be a key to solving the US healthcare crisis.  This January, I had the pleasure of meeting a visionary man named Dr. Devi Shetty, a heart surgeon in Bangalore, India, who is trying to reform the cost of healthcare.  Dr. Shetty has been able to offer heart surgeries that cost thousands in the US for only $2,000 in India, by leveraging economies of scale (they don’t turn anyone away) and by paying the technicians – the heart surgeons – a competitive annual salary, instead of compensating per surgery. 

This idea will undoubtedly alarm many Americans who question if a change in compensation structure will detract high quality surgeons from the pressures of medical school.  Motivation 3.0 would argue that the compensation must be fair, even above average, but to then remove the issue of money off the table.  The real key to attracting strong healthcare workers would be to connect the work back to the bigger meaning, to ensure all individuals are given access to necessary healthcare.  If the focus is on achieving purpose, this model might even allow hospitals to admit everyone who needs treatment, which would again drive costs down (larger orders of medical devices).

As an online assessed Type I, I realize the internal struggle I go through when deciding where my career will go from here.  I’ve always cared about autonomy, mastery, and purpose, but I am also at times distracted by external rewards. I highly recommend Pink's book!  Also, if you're curious to know where you fall on the internal/external reward spectrum, go to http://www.danpink.com/drive-survey to take the survey! I think it'll be worth your 10 minutes of time. :)

A little help from some braces...

I'm back! After finishing up a rigorous 20 credits since September (that's a TON!) I'm here and I will be writing more.  I have lots of crazy thoughts in my head to write about!
twitpic.com/4fs391

So I'm writing this with these things on my wrists. Braces that velcro to correct my wrist motion when typing.  These things are supposed to heal any early symptoms of carpal tunnel.  My wrists have been hurting lately, so I figured it was time to get it check out.  Good thing I did!

These braces make me think about a few things.  First, it's really hard to type!  I can't pound on the keyboard the way I normally do. I'm at a disadvantage when writing papers, as I have to be more deliberate about hitting the right keys.  Plus, I hit the wrong keys a lot more - so that means more mistakes to correct.  It's frustrating!

Also - after I got the braces I got my oil changed later that day.  I went into the car shop with the braces on, as I was going to do some work on my laptop while I waited for my car.  The doctor said to wear them full work days for a week, so I knew that also meant during my car appt.  As the guy checking me in handed me the piece of paper to sign, I felt like my braces were 3 times their size, and that he was staring at them.  I felt like they were the focal point of our interaction.  I felt embarrassed, like I had this extra thing showing that maybe I was broken.  He was really nice, and probably didn't think much of them, but it made me think a lot about the people who always have some physical add-on or sign that they are not well, or that they need permanent help with things we take for granted.  Hearing aids, prosthetic limbs, headgear, leg braces, walkers, wheelchairs.  These all become part of the person, a visible sign that something is not right.  Imperfection of some sort.  It was a great reminder of my health and that while I am working to improve part of me, that I cannot CANNOT take for granted the fact that I am well.  It also made me remember that from the inside, we all want the same thing - acceptance, compassion, to love and be loved.  A little brace, medical aid, or distracting imperfection doesn't change that.  Can we just treat people as people, without showing signs of pity on our face or getting freaked out by something that's different from us?  It's definitely something I will focus more on, and something we should all aspire to do a bit more often.