Resolve to Be the Best Me

I recently read that only 8% of stated goals are met. I don't have any proof or documentation about this, so I'm not making an official claim -- the more important thing is to think about how to make sure mine end up in the "achieved" category. Part of what I'm learning is that in order to achieve big things, I need to write it out and revisit it on a regular basis, making it a part of my vision for the year. So, for 2014 I'm making a vision board, a process I've found to be very therapeutic, relaxing and energizing for my soul.

My vision is something I'll have to reach for, but when I accomplish it, I'll be so thankful I did. It's not something I can explain in just one sentence; rather, it's a culmination of things that I want to happen over the course of this year and the next five years. The gist of my vision, though, is about becoming the BEST ME I CAN POSSIBLY BE.

So, I came up with a list of New Year's resolutions to help me achieve my vision:

1. Practice kindness, positivity and encouragement with all people, even when not immediately reciprocated. Kill them with kindness to grow more peace and love in the world.
2. Focus on my well-being: mentally, physically, socially, spiritually. Be more active and fit, practice meditation, yoga and deep breathing, get my heart rate up on a regular basis. Share wellness ideas with others to hold myself accountable too -- use my new Facebook group called The Wellness Project as a forum for sharing ideas and discussion (JOIN US in this group! Request and I'll add you!)
3. Lean into fear. When I'm scared, revisit this question: "What Would I Do If I Weren't Afraid?"
4. Don't worry so much about failing. Each small failure means I'm diving in, and a series of small failures does not equal general life failure.
5. Prioritize the things in life that make my heart sing, like my beautiful, growing family, friends who are there no matter what, hot sun in July, dark chocolate with red wine, nostalgic music, and water.
6. Don't sweat the small stuff. If things don't go perfectly, smile and move on. Time will heal most everything.
7. Show Jake the same support for achieving his dreams as he does for mine.
8. Buy less things. Decrease the volume of "stuff" we own and accumulate.
9. Celebrate successes and have fun! Smile a lot.

What are your resolutions? Post them here, or at least write them down for yourself. I want you to be the best you can possibly be in 2014, too!

It's Okay to Cry

My good friend Jennie sent me this article, saying "I thought of you when I read this." My first reaction was-- gosh, it might be okay to cry at work, but is it okay to be the one people think of when they read an article saying it's okay to cry at work?? I also had a similar reaction when my old boss clipped an article out of the newspaper and sent it to me, saying "Thought of you," and the article was about why more women cry at work than men.

So-- these people are obviously pointing it out blatantly to me, and while I could wonder if there's hidden meaning behind these articles ending up in my inbox, I'm honestly just embracing it. Actually, owning it. Sheryl Sandberg says it's okay.

In reality, I spent a lot of my 20s getting feedback and input from other people on how to be and how to act, how I was perceived and how to tow the line. I should be "less this" and "more that" and use qualifiers and phrase things a certain way. To be honest, I gained a LOT of perspective about how what I say impacts others. I am so incredibly grateful for being able to look at myself from outside of myself (if you haven't tried this, it's exhausting but OH SO worth it). It has helped me a great deal in building genuine relationships, having casual relationships, and in dealing with tougher situations.

I also vividly remember when I hit 30 years old, I said to myself, "This decade is going to be SOOO much better than the last." And I think in part I feel this way because I'm frankly not going to try so hard to please everyone. It's exhausting! I've had this fear of disappointing others, this fear of being called out as different and not fitting the mold. However, do I really want to look back on my life and say to myself, "Gosh, I accomplished so much; I fit the mold and did what others expected of me." Not really my main purpose in life!

I do want to be liked. That's no secret. I also want to be respected. BUT--- as my mother-in-law recently reminded me, I can only control myself and my actions. I can't control how others respond in every situation. I will continue to focus on the Maya Angelou quote because I want to bring LOVE into the world and leave things better than I found them. I want to drive a beautiful purpose into this world, for and with my family and friends.

But when things don't go well, or someone does something that is hurtful or feels disappointed by something I said or did, or we have conflict, it's okay to cry. Whether around family, friends, or in the office. Emotions help us build deeper connections and as Sheryl says, help us place authenticity over perfectionism. All great things for living large and focusing on people and purpose.

So, I will continue to think about how emotions impact others' view of us, but when they happen, I'll also make sure that as long as I'm being genuine and true to myself and the relationship at hand, it's okay to cry. The tears will dry but the impact of the moment will likely last longer, and hopefully make us better.

"People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel." --Maya Angelou

It's Gonna Be Okay

It's been an awesome Christmas week and I'm excited for New Year's week as well. I just can't believe how much fun it is to have more time at home, focused on my family, especially since when I'm at work during the week and Jake is working on the weekends, time as a family is scarce. Too scarce, I'd say.

We also have had an amazing transition this week, as Kennedy moved from her crib to her toddler bed 5 nights ago and it's gone smoothly every night. However, as I reminisce on 2013, it has not always gone smoothly.

I think about the sleepless nights that we started out the year with, when Kennedy still wasn't sleeping through the night (and I felt like the only parent with a 10-month-old who couldn't figure it out.) Would she EVER sleep through the night without a major cry-it-out session?!

I think about the time she bumped her face on the bricks outside and cut her lip open, and how awful I felt about not watching her more carefully.

I think about the time she blistered her fingers on my flat iron in the morning, after grabbing the ceramic plates with her hand - and could not be consoled all day.

I think about the time I heated up her rice too hot, and she was eating without a shirt on, and she poured it on herself and the hot rice stuck to her and she wailed.

I think about the mornings I let her watch Minnie while I shut my eyes on the couch, just wishing she would focus on the show so I could drift off to sleep for a little longer.

I think about the work days I missed her immensely, but then got home and found that her cranky attitude made me wish bedtime was a little sooner.

I think about the long afternoon/evenings when Jake was working, or the full weekend days Jake was at class, when I wasn't sure how she and I would fill our entire day just the two of us. And how sometimes I would put her to bed 15 minutes earlier for me, because I needed that extra time to myself.

And I read this article. All of these moments made me feel guilty, like shouldn't I LOVE every single minute with this little 1-year-old? Shouldn't I pay closer attention so she doesn't have accidents and doesn't get hurt? Shouldn't I be thankful for her expression of feelings even if they were not the most positive feelings at the moment?

Let Me Be The One Who Says It Out Loud

It was so refreshing. I'm pretty sure the first time I read it, I actually had tears running down my face. Not every moment is going to be perfect, and that's okay. And then when I read this line, I completely burst out laughing: "You have little dictators living in your house. If someone else talked to you like that, they’d be put in prison."

Parenting is not easy -- our society romanticizes it through mommy blogs, Anne Geddes style newborn photos, and the biggest culprit of all: Facebook. Everyone else's life looks a lot easier and a lot better when all we see are the things they share with us online. Remember, they choose the posts and photos that represent their lives in the best light possible, too!

As I head into the new year, I am sure there will be more moments like the ones from this year. But there will also be the million other moments I've written about that truly become the focus, the reason we keep smiling. My goal (one of them) is to take the tough moments in stride and focus on the ones that go well, and remember that I'm a completely good parent even with those mishaps. And if you're a parent, you are, too! Don't forget it! Cheers to a 2014 with mistakes that make us laugh, and little dictators that don't make us (too) crazy. We all gotta love a little crazy though, right?!

Baby Sister

So, as I hear is typical for all subsequent pregnancies, the daily focus on this pregnancy hasn't been as strong as it was with the first (even though older siblings think their little sibs get all the attention the rest of their lives!) However, Baby Sister has been in our thoughts, prayers, wishes and dreams every single day. I can tell you right now she's about the size of an artichoke and 1.7 lbs!! That's pretty crazy and cool to think about. It's just unreal to me to think of when Kennedy was in my belly and the size of an artichoke, 1.7 lbs, and now she's completely her own little person, walking, running, talking, and playing independently.

I can also tell you Baby Sister is quite active! I think often more active in my belly than Kennedy was -- maybe she'll be a runner? I get kicks very consistently throughout the day. She's just communicating with her crazy family!

I also have visions of Baby Sister's personality. We'll see if any of this is right, but I just have a feeling on some of it. I think she'll be a mellow, laid-back little girl. I think she'll be a snuggler, wanting to be close to people and relax in their arms. I think she'll know how to relax a lot more than her big sister, and I think she'll have a go-with-the-flow mentality. I think she'll stop and smell the roses on more than one occasion, be fashionably late to things, and care more about the quality of the time she spends with people than being on time to her next affair. She'll be chill, and take things in stride.

Of course, none of this could be true, but it's still fun to dream about. Kennedy came out of the womb with a ferocity and intense spark which was obvious even during her first 20 minutes of crying. Her face scrunched up in the same way it still does when she cries-- and her personality shone through that day the way I see it every day.

No matter who you are, Baby Sister, we can't wait to meet you. We talk about you, and Kennedy knows all about you already. She claps her hands and gets very excited when we talk about you two playing together. This week we took down the crib to prepare for your time with it; it's amazing to me to think the next time we set it up and lay a baby in there, it'll be YOU. We'll wait patiently these next three months, even though at times we wish we could meet you sooner than that! And I know that once you arrive, Kennedy will want to move faster than you and play at her pace, but I'm sure she'll be gentle and loving and learn exactly what you need. You two are going to make a million memories together, and we can't wait.

Transitions

Transitions have always been hard for me, for as long as I can remember. I often joke that I'd still be in high school if they let me (and it's completely true-- they basically had to push me out!!) The crazy thing is, I didn't want to leave high school (or elementary, or junior high) because it was so much FUN, but every time I have been forced to move, it's been absolutely amazing and I enjoy the new stage even better than that last.

Today, I witnessed a similar reaction in Kennedy. We decided to try out the toddler bed during these couple of weeks when I'm around home a lot more frequently, so Jake took down the crib today. I took her in to watch so she was along for the process, and she immediately started crying, saying "no, no, no!" and wanted us to lift her into her crib, even though the bedding and mattress were removed. It actually broke my heart because I was feeling nostalgic for the transition and sad that my baby girl was no longer going to be sleeping in her crib, like she did since she was a tiny baby. It brought back memories of the first nights in her crib, when she was so tiny it literally swallowed her up. Then it made me think of the more recent days when she would ask to get in her crib so she could bounce around, jump and spin in circles and fall down. And of course the times I'd climb into her crib with her to be silly, cuddle, soothe her, and pretend to go to sleep.

Gosh we've had a fun 21 months with that crib. She has become an amazingly good sleeper (she generally sleeps straight through from 7:30 or 8pm for almost 12 hours!) and she's never fussed about going to bed. Sure, we've had multiple nights with a dozen wake ups, but it's never been due to a dislike for her crib.

So now, as we prepare for Baby Sister, we decided to put some time between her use of the crib and her little sister's use of the crib, so there *hopefully* isn't bedroom envy. After the initial "no, no, no!" Jake set up the toddler bed and she gave us a huge smile, crawled right up and bounced around like it was her new favorite toy.

You see, the change curve starts with denial, then resistance, then exploration, then commitment. I'd say we skipped through denial and resistance pretty quickly, then she spent the late morning exploring the possibilities (constantly running to her room to jump and play on her new bed) and by nap time, she was committed.

And now she's sleeping like an angel, and tomorrow is Christmas Eve and all feels right with the world. I have a feeling the first part of 2014 is going to shake things up a bit-- professionally, personally, and when we welcome a new member to our family. But right now, all I feel is peace.

Merry Christmas to you all!! May you be blessed, healthy and happy as you think about the coming year and all of the possibilities ahead!

Family

It's certainly that time of year when we focus on family. For some, it's a harder time because of the focus on family; I'd say we feel pretty fortunate for our strong ties to family on both sides. Sure, there is some crazy involved, and nothing is perfect, but we are lucky to have two very distinct family experiences that our kids will grow up with on each of the two sides.

First, there's the small but mighty side (my side). We have 2 wonderful cousins, and a few aunts and uncles, but most of them live in other states so we are not as fortunate to see them on a regular basis. They were here for Thanksgiving (so wonderful!) and my aunt took this picture of our clan-- currently 6 going on 7 people. We are growing ever so slightly! We always have lots of fun as a more nuclear (rather than extended) family. Our time together is always comfortable and relaxed. We have routines and traditions (e.g., I always keep score in card games) and enjoy wonderfully cooked meals and time talking together. We're excited to head to my parents' for the entire day on Christmas Eve.

Then, there's Jake's side. He grew up with aunts, uncles and cousins all around him on a very regular basis. He has about 20 cousins in total, and as you can imagine with spouses and significant others, that means well over 30 adult cousins now in the mix. AND-- the next generation is sprouting like crazy! There are currently 7 little ones, shown below for this year's holiday picture. Baby Girl Matthies will be #8!! It's going to be so fun for Kennedy and Baby Girl to grow up and make memories with all of these awesome kiddos.

And one more of Kennedy and her one actual cousin so far, Noel. These two are so sweet together -- Kennedy adores him and loves bringing him the things he needs - his pacifier, blankie, toys, etc. She's got such a nurturing and giving spirit about her and I can't wait to see how she does with her little sister. 

Today we were at a holiday event with Jake's family (yes, over 50 people) and she saw a baby carrier. She pointed at it and started playing with the infant toys, saying "Baby! Baby!" and I said, "Yes, we will use something like this when you have your baby sister! Are you excited to have a baby sister?" And she nodded excitedly, and then started clapping!! It was so sweet and I just can't wait to see how she reacts. If she struggles, it will be hard on me, but I think in my heart of hearts she is going to be absolutely ready to share the love. She has so much LOVE to go around!!

Tomorrow night we're transitioning from the crib to her toddler bed-- the first of many big transitions like this. It makes my heart a little sad, but I also know the memories she will make snuggling in her new cozy bed are just waiting for us. Exciting times ahead!

The Stability of the JOB

I've been with the same company for almost half my life. It's been a blessing, but I've always wondered if it will last forever. Things can't really last forever, right? So what does that inevitable end look like?

Yesterday, I found out that my job may not be as secure as I would have hoped. While I'm not getting into details, it's a reality check for me. In a moment where there are questions, it's easy to jump to sheer panic and frustration. I'm definitely taking a positive approach- I keep telling myself if it happens, it's a sign. Jake and I talked right away and determined that we're going to be okay. We don't know exactly what *okay* looks like, but we know it is possible. We have built our life around options - living on less than we need to, getting great educations, starting business ventures, being marketable in the world. The instability may pass - for which we will be grateful. In the meantime, lots of good vibes, focus, mental positivity, and prayers.

Another thing this brings to light is how we often pour our identities into our jobs (especially those of us who are achievers), but that our job doesn't need to define us. In fact, WE should define us, and our jobs should complement that. I'll still be Allison no matter what happens - I will still have my talents and gifts and flaws, my amazing family and friends, my hopes and dreams and plans for the future.

I am a professional, a businesswoman, but most importantly I am a wife and a mom. These are the things I'll look back on when I focus on what really mattered in life -- and I'll be so thankful to have built my life with my role as mom and wife as my guiding focus.

And now, building a business feels even more serendipitous- it gives me some of that diversification I crave. Experiences I can grasp onto and sink my teeth into, as I reach out and share what I'm doing with more people, and I watch what I share change lives through health and wealth. Exhilarating! A big part of this is about having a vision of what you want your life to be-- I urge you to look back at the last 5 years and look ahead at the next 5 years. What do you want to be the same? What do you want to be different? It could be anything-- the way you feel, the way you look, your priorities, your attitude, the things you focus your time and energy on. I'm urging myself to live the life I have always dreamed of living-- and I challenge you to do the same! If not now, then when? #startyourlife

On Friendship. And Parenting.

Friendship is something I hold very dear. Back in the day, when I first created an email address in high school, my password was always friendship (or some variation). What's interesting is how friendships ebb and flow and grow over the years. Now in our 30s, I am lucky to say that I have friendships that have endured multiple decades.

My oldest friendship is 25 years old (aside from family) and it's crazy to think of how much changes in a quarter of a century! She probably doesn't read this blog, and although we don't talk all of the time I still hold our times very near and dear to my heart. Many of my closest current friendships are over 10 years old, and a lot certainly changes between 18 and 31.

We do have hard times. I think introducing kids into the mix is one of those hard times, like some of the other changes we've been through: moving states, getting married, being distressed and disappointed and searching for new jobs. It's all about being supportive, encouraging, honest, and meeting people where they're at.

I happened to have a kid before a lot of my friends, and I won't pretend it's been easy the entire time. It can be hard for people without kids to understand, but then saying "you won't understand" can be alienating. I find that I gravitate to conversations with those who have kids, because they just know what I'm going through. There's a certain level of empathy. Is this wrong? I don't think so.

It's times like this when I want to retreat to the great blogs like www.momastery.com and www.handsfreemama.com, the safe places for parents. Because actually, as adorable and lovable as our kids are and as blessed as we are to have them, sometimes we just need a retreat for ourselves. I think this is okay. It's okay to admit what we need - because in reality most of the time it's not at all about what we need, it's about what they need. And we love to give them what they need.

In short, I gotta trust that everything will be okay. Everything will turn out right - as I continue to surround myself with positive and encouraging people and make decisions by trusting my instinct. We're all on a different path and that's okay too! I'm just lucky and blessed to be sharing this path with my beautiful family, who make the uphill battles all worthwhile.

Santa Visit

Today, nothing crazy about this post. Just a little straightforward cheer and joy to you during this holiday season. We've had a great few days of realizing that Christmas is literally around the corner. Wednesday we started Christmas shopping, went to the Macy's holiday display and to see Santa. And that was exactly 2 weeks before Christmas! Since then we've kicked up the shopping a notch (lots online this year), wrapped presents, finished decorating the tree, taken many photos, went to a Happy Birthday Jesus party, and went to the last year of the Holidazzle parade tonight. 

Below, you can see our girl's excitement after she went through the Macy's display, just as we were about to visit Santa. We asked her many times, "Are you going to see Santa? Are you excited?" and she'd respond with a huge grin on her face and wide eyes. I don't know if she totally got it, but she seemed to relish in the excitement nonetheless. This was right before we went in to see him.

At Macy's, Santa sits in a separate room, and he has a great setup with drums, bells, things for the kids to see. The minute we walked in and they shut the door, she wanted to be done! I don't totally blame her - it's a new experience and she didn't remember doing this last year, when she was much more trusting. So - Daddy got to be in the pic with her this year.

More to come on our glorious holiday season. In the meantime, we hope you and your family are experiencing peace, joy and love of all kinds. These past couple of days have not gone by without deep thoughts and prayers for the families of Newtown who have had to endure the one year anniversary since the horrible tragedy. I think of them and pray often for strength and that they feel their angels watching over them always. 

The Santa visit was fun, but it has also been fun to tell Kennedy about the reason for the season. Today at the Happy Birthday Jesus party at our church, she got to do crafts, play with snow indoors, and spend time with other kids playing as they would at a traditional birthday party. Then they watched the Christmas story played out in a nativity scene. And, all of the kids opened a present they brought and laid them in a large cradle for babies in need. I'm realizing how much fun it is to go through the Christmas season from the viewpoint of a child again! --Continue to enjoy the season; it is fleeting!!--

35 and then some

This video is WORTH WATCHING. It's just a completely true, beautiful depiction of what matters. And I'm so glad to be presented with this video when I'm 31, not 35 --- not because I'm at all ahead of my time, but because that means I get four more years during which I'll savor the fact that I'm not yet 35. It's still out in front of me, a series of moments waiting to be had.

I've always been a very time-conscious person. Not in the sense of always being "on time," more in the sense of feeling it pass by, and making sure I'm squeezing the most out of my time in every possible way. Passing time in high school was seven minutes long, and I'd strategically plan a fast trip to the bathroom on my walk to my locker where I could quickly convene with my friends for four of those seven minutes. I find that when I'm walking TO something, I walk a lot faster than when I'm walking with a friend, when we're already where we want to be. I value free time, time with loved ones, time to do what I want to do. I hurry through parts of life that just don't seem to matter as much, because those moments that do matter are far more precious. And I want to seize every moment that I possibly can.

I do realize that every moment can't be amazing, that I need to live through the mundane to appreciate the exciting. But what I love about the man in this video - he doesn't settle for more mundane moments than he absolutely has to. He realizes that other things - materials, money, fancy things - are not the key to happiness. When we're old, we won't look back and wish we had more luxury cars; we'll simply want time with our loved ones. We'll want moments.

A leader at work this week talked about how everything can be measured in one of three ways - money/cost, quality (things), or time. We can spend our money on more things, we can spend our time to make more money, we can spend money (example: paid vacation) to get free time. My upcoming maternity leave will pay me for 6 weeks, and I can ultimately go unpaid (forego money) to get more time - another 6-10 weeks with my newborn and family. Of course I'll do as much of this as possible!

I just love this video and want everyone to watch it. Especially in our society there is so much pressure to do and be and have it all - which is simply not possible. We need to prioritize and get in our right mindset so we can achieve abundance, and we'll only be able to make this happen by focusing in on what's important. So what do you say - where do you focus your efforts?