The Sweetest Days of Our Lives

Yes, I am completely reminded again just two years later how absolutely WONDERFUL these early days are-- I call them the sweetest days. They are truly the most precious time, albeit a sleep deprived time, but similar to a fleeting honeymoon phase of parenthood. And although we've been through this before, it's equally as special the second time around. I am just so happy and in love with this new little girl!

Today I had lunch with a good friend from work. We talked about work, he filled me in on some of the things that have been happening and general business news. And then, we looked over at sweet Katelyn in her carrier sleeping away and marveled over what really matters. At the end of the day, at the end of our lives, we're not going to look back and wish we spent more time in the office, or any time at all staying caught up on gossip and stories about people we hardly know; we're going to look back on days with these sweet faces and every single moment that we made count.

Maternity leave ticks by and with each passing day, I know that the sweetest days are a very finite set. Newborns get bigger, and they turn into roly poly babies very quickly. Nap time with that smooth skin turns into a sleep schedule, a more rigid set of routines and rules to ensure everyone is getting their rest. However, for now I'm just going to enjoy this phase and know that it keeps me centered, focused, and calm. These are traits that I picked up from raising my daughters that I will forever carry with me even when they are grown. 

And this time around it's not just about a single baby; it's about sisterhood. We couldn't be luckier than to have such a compassionate, loving big sister as Kennedy. To say she's obsessed is an understatement. Any chance she gets to hug, kiss, or hold "Baby Kate" is a chance she'll grab, and she shows no signs of jealousy or resentment towards her new family member. Even when Katelyn sneezes, Kennedy will lean over and say, "Bless you, Baby Kate." It's the sweetest thing I've ever seen, during the sweetest moments on the sweetest days of our lives. 

Katelyn's Birth Story

**warning, this is a birth story, nothing is really graphic but if you don't like labor stories/terminology you may choose to skip this one!**

I now have two little girls, and two very distinct birth stories. One came in sunny heat in the winter; one came in a blizzard in the spring. One came in the middle of the day; one came in the absolute middle of the night. And so far, I can sense a difference in their personalities as well. More on that later, but for now, I have to write down Katelyn's birth story before I forget, so I can share it with her when she's older.

The night before she was born, we were celebrating my sister Natalie's birthday. I knew there was a chance they'd share a birthday, as I was due only 2 days later. We had enchiladas and cake at our house with my parents and Natalie, and I was hugely pregnant and quite uncomfortable. This pregnancy I wanted to hang on longer to get through Kennedy's birthday festivities and I really started to realize what even another week does for the baby's health. With Kennedy I couldn't wait to meet her, but I knew Katelyn would come when she was healthy and ready.

We all knew it was going to be a blizzard, so my parents packed their bags in case they needed to stay overnight. Nothing happened, so they went home, and before Natalie left I told her I thought it could happen tonight, something just didn't feel quite right. (Jake thought it was just the enchiladas.) She left and I went to lay in bed and relax, but I started to feel dull back pains and a need to move around a bit more. Before Jake fell asleep I told him I thought it could happen tonight, and he laughed and said it was all in my head.

I was still awake at midnight, and started to really think something was going on. I got up and walked the "loop" in our house to see if things could get going, and I was pretty unsure for the next 45 minutes but felt like something was definitely happening. Since it was so snowy, I knew there was no chance that my parents would make it over from Stillwater in under 2 hours, so I called Natalie at 12:45. And then, the clock when something like this:

12:45: Call to Natalie, saying "I think I'm in labor, but I'm still not entirely sure... can you come over just in case?"
1:25: We left home for the hospital
2:00: I was officially admitted into the hospital for being in labor- I was already dilated to a 7/8! Man did that come on FAST!
2:00-2:45: I was hysterically in labor, waiting as patiently as possible for the anesthesiologist. I was in so so so much pain! I felt like my body was breaking, even more so than I did with Kennedy because I was progressing so quickly. Remember just over an hour ago I wasn't even sure I was in labor. OMG. I had to focus on Jake and the amazing nurse Suzanne, and I kept telling them I was so worried that I wouldn't get the epidural in time.
2:45: The anesthesiologist arrived and I got the epidural! The nurses were asking me if I felt pressure, and in hindsight I was definitely probably ready to push before the epidural. But, I was so nervous about not having anything to relieve the pain. It was probably my best chance to go drug-free but I just couldn't bear the thought of pushing her out that way! I really do shy away/fear pain. Some people are total champions; this is not my strong suit.
3:01: Katelyn Jane joined the world. She came out in about 10 minutes of pushing and on the fourth contraction, and she had a beautiful head of hair, weighing 7lb. 9oz., 19.5" long. She was calmer right away than Kennedy, with just a minor cry but then a lot of snuggle time.

We weren't 100% sure on her name for about an hour! We had another name we liked but Katelyn was the front runner from the beginning. I found myself second-guessing her name; it's such a big decision! I think I was the same way with Kennedy, though we finalized her name immediately. Now, I am so certain she is a Katelyn and I couldn't be happier that she's ours.

10 days ago, just 10 short days ago this all happened. Jake lost his grandmother 14 days ago, and her middle name was Jane. We didn't even know this fact when we chose Jane for Katelyn's middle name, but it really helped bring the circle of life into focus.

And now, we are embarking on what I like to call the sweetest moments in life. I am truly obsessed with the newborn phase. It is just so sweet and precious and fleeting! I want to stop time, hence why I am soaking it all in and haven't been blogging as frequently as I'd like to. I have a million words pouring through my head about Katelyn and of course her big sister, Kennedy, who is doing better than I could have even imagined. She loves her sister with all of her might and shows only signs of a big, open heart for sharing her parents' love.

My heart feels so lucky I could burst. Life is good!

Waiting for You

3 days... 3 short days. You are predicted to join us in about 72 hours. Maybe more, maybe less. That is hardly any time! It's neat to think about because you are in fact already with us, and have been with us every single day for the past 9 months. But soon, you will be with us in an entirely new way. I already know you on a certain level, my sweet girl, the one we call Baby Sister. The girl that Kennedy calls "Sis," even though I'm not sure she's convinced that you're actually happening.

We have everything ready, at least to the point it needs to be. Our hearts are open and our arms are waiting. We are waiting for those sleepless nights (maybe just a few?!) and time with you in our bed, when Callie will likely pace as she looks for a spot to sleep, and we look at each other incredulously wondering, "What in the world are we doing, again?"

I think about you, and I wonder about your face, if you'll look like your big sister or be distinctly your own. I think about your personality, and how I have my predictions about your temperament and who you're going to be, but we'll see if any of them come true.

I think about spring and summer, all of the amazing times we have ahead as a family - the life we are building to make sure we make the most of our dreams. You see, we are the dreamers of the dreams. Thislife is beautiful and only lived once, and we can't wait to bring you into our world. Our world has rose-colored glasses, but there's no other way that we'd choose to live. (Sidenote: If you ask your daddy, it probably doesn't have rose-colored glasses all the time; he's the practical realist, but you'll learn a lot of that is fake.)

Bottom line - come join us when you're ready. We can't wait! I am nervous and a bit anxious, but that's true with every transition in my life. It will only take me like a minute to dive in head first and be fully committed to being the best mama of two girls I can possibly be.

Kennedy @ 2YO

It's an amazing feeling when your child turns 2. It's like, where did the baby years go? Where is my little newborn, infant, roly-poly babe and how has she so quickly been replaced with this little person who has her own personality, can contribute to conversations, run rampant around the house (and the mall), express exactly what she wants and give so much love in return? I have said multiple times but I can definitely tell I'm going to like 2 a LOT. Even with the harder moments, I can tell it's going to be a beautiful time in life.

Kennedy at 2:

• Runs, all over the house and especially in public. She doesn't like to be confined in her highchair at the restaurant or in the cart at Target. Daddy does pretty well with this, and I tend to freak out with this newfound freedom. Especially when she's running full force at an escalator.
• Loves her puppy Callie "Lala" -- always asks if Lala can go too or will sometimes put her hand out and say "Lala, stay."
• Loves her baby and taggie(s). Multiple taggies, in fact, she has 2 green taggies, her bee blankie taggie, has adopted her sister's new taggie as her own, and now even has a pair of pants that she walks around the house with and plays with the actual tag on the pants. This is, of course, affectionately named "pants taggie."
• Sits forward in the carseat now, which is fun for everyone! She's more part of the conversation and seems happier in the car as well.
• Sleeps 11-12 hours at night and 2-3 hours during the day (knock on wood). We've come so far in a year - and we're about to turn it all upside down again with baby sister!
• Weighs 26 lbs and is 34" tall. Pretty average, weight is slightly below average.
• Wears 18 month pants (skinny waist!) and 2T shirts for the most part, and size 5 shoes.
• Loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse "Mimmie" and Baby Dance (her DVD from Crystal). She has also shown some early interest in Sesame Street and can name all the characters.
• LOVES the water and baths. Is not even slightly scared of dunking her entire head/face! I always have to remind her to close her mouth - especially at the pool at Williston where we go frequently.
• Doesn't love us touching or combing her hair. She'd look so cute with a ponytail but can't handle us even messing with it. It's enough of a battle to just get a comb through the back where there are always knots!
• Loves puzzles, her shape sorter, books, naming colors and shapes, and when she sees letters in a row she'll say "d-y" like we do when we spell her name, the last two letters in Kennedy. She is starting to recognize that letters are each associated with a name, but always defers to "d-y."
• Loves "class," the "park," and always wants to "go" somewhere. Often puts on her shoes when she thinks one of us is leaving because she wants to go too. "You go too."
• On that note, refers to herself as "you." "You do it!" "You go!" When we ask her whose is it? she'll point to herself and say "You!" Hard to switch to thinking of "me" when we always refer to her as "you."
• Loves pretend play for a little while, especially with her kitchen, dishes, her shopping cart, her baby. But then wants to go back to more mechanical things like puzzles, shapes, hooks, latches, figuring out how things work. Definitely a potential scientist/engineer on our hands.
• Scientist/engineer, but also extremely SOCIAL!! This child is so engaging, and cares so much about others. She's always sharing her things, handing out hugs and kisses (especially to other kids) and greeting people. She's determined, social, curious and engaged. I'd say these are great traits for a bright future, but then again I am maybe a little biased. :)

We just love her so much and have had the best 2 years! Now onto another journey as a BIG SISTER!!!

Serendipity + Intention = Our Nutrition Journey

There are two major components to this business I'm building-- generating wellness and generating freedom. A major component of wellness is getting the right nutrition, as I've been able to witness numerous times over the past 5 months. The funny thing is, I sort of backed into these amazing nutritional results with a bit of intention and a bit of good fortune.

Truth: I've had at least a 10-year battle with fatigue. I've often wondered if I just never grew out of the teenage years of needing to sleep in late every weekend. I also wondered if I had just created a bad habit of sleeping late. Sure, I still enjoy sleeping until 8:00 or 8:30, but I also find that if I start my day with good nutrition, I am fueled up and don't feel groggy the rest of the day. I'm growing a baby, I hardly have any caffeine, and I can completely tell a difference by starting my day with high quality protein. Not just any protein; I also admit I have had a severe obsession with bacon over the years. I think it started when I noticed that bacon was keeping me fuller longer than cereal and toast. Sure, I still like bacon, but I find that starting with the right protein in the morning gives me a calmer energy to start my day, and I don't have the other side effects of eating that greasy, salty fat far too often. One other amazing side effect has been a complete transformation of my skin. It's like my skin has cleaned itself from the inside out! This was not the case last time I was pregnant.

So, isn't it also about weight loss?
Weight loss is absolutely one positive effect of getting good nutrition. People tell me how thrilled they are with the results they get from putting good nutrition in their bodies -- overall wellbeing, not just weight loss. Boundless energy, better sleep! And nothing makes me happier than when people are so happy to have finally found a solution to feel overall health. It truly warms my heart.

This is feeling extremely serendipitous in my life right now, for many reasons. My family has always eaten fairly healthy, in the sense that we have always eaten fresh foods: lean meat, fruits and vegetables at every meal. We didn't grow up on Hamburger Helper or other boxed meals. We also didn't grow up on protein shakes. We grew up somewhere in the middle. 

And if you know him, you know that Jake and I grew up eating verry different things (aka bread and cheese vs. not that). Even when I lived in Chile my host family called him "Pan y queso" !!

When I first caught the vision of this business, we knew it'd help us both get healthy. What I wasn't prepared for was the sheer joy I'd feel from seeing Jake really get healthy and me feeling really healthy! Not only did he lose 36 lbs and over 40 inches off his body, but now I catch him looking at ingredients and nutrition facts on the back of packages when grocery shopping. He also eats things in moderation and says no to junk food more often. It's been so healthy for our family and I'm beyond excited that we've fit this into our lives at the perfect time for our growing family.

So what I'm dedicated to: I have decided that health for our family is at the forefront; I don't have to be the girl who is just naturally thin and pretends that thin = health. I can care on a new level about my health and the health of my family. And with that, I am so compelled and passionate about helping others do the same.

As I said there are two sides to this business-- I just shared more about generating wellness; next up: generating freedom!

What We Think About We Bring About

My mother-in-law introduced us to The Secret years ago - a series of books, videos and philosophies related to the law of attraction. At her request, Jake and I sat down on her couch and watched the movie in its entirety, learning about the vision boards and "positive attracts positive" and how the true secret to life happiness is to truly visualize and believe it will happen. Likewise, negative attitudes or feelings will only attract the same in return.

I enjoyed watching it - I have always believed in the power of a positive attitude, but only recently have revisited the idea in its entirety. This year I created a vision board, and I spend time every day envisioning exactly what I want my future to look like.

I've found that over the past few years I've been going through the motions each day and have been a bit more confused about my actual life goals. More recently, I've been able to really pinpoint and solidify EXACTLY what it is that I want. And I'm making it happen!

"What we think about we bring about." I was introduced to a podcast recently- it is called The Strangest Secret and has a similar message to The Secret - I highly recommend it to anyone. Some really interesting things I took away from this -- which are SO SO true:

• We live in a land of abundance, so why are so many of us not achieving true abundance? I speak of this in terms of financial freedom, time freedom, and total health.
• Most of us are using only 10% of our abilities in our work. Think about it -- are you putting your strengths to use each and every day? Are you stretching yourself in the best way possible? Do you spend your days "in flow" (a great predictor of leveraging a strength)?
• Every one of us is the sum total of his/her thoughts. What I think about I bring about. If I think about our debt, I'll attract more debt. If I think about lack of free time, I'll continue to lack free time. If I think about building a life of time freedom and financial freedom, and I focus on it each and every day, I WILL achieve this. The podcast instructs us to concentrate on our goals every day. The problem is that so many of us are aimless and without concrete goals. I can attest to falling into this trap as well.
• Ideas are worthless if we do not act on them! Again, I've been a dreamer for as long as I can remember. If I want the next 5 years to look different than the last 5 years, I've got to take action, not just come up with new ideas. Action is scary but it's where big things happen.

So what am I thinking about? Having a cheerful, positive outlook. Giving of myself more than I ever have before. Serving others -- because it will come back to me in amazing ways. And focusing my thoughts on what I really want, not what I am really afraid of.

Each of us has fears; none of us are perfect. If you haven't already made this commitment, TODAY is the day to really start living.

The Therapy of Writing

It's been over a month since my last post. I know this-- I had to crank out a bunch of posts in December to meet my goal. It was like blog-post-mania during the Christmas season! However, what I found at the end of the month, was that although my brain and fingers were stretched, the words came much easier the more I just wrote. I started to crank out ideas, get things down on "paper" and share with you all. Then, January came, along with the deep freeze, the polar vortex, the hiatus. (I still think it's funny even the news stations refer to it as "polar vortex.") There have literally been days when I watch the whipping wind outside my garage door as I'm leaving for work and think, "This is what the rest of the world thinks of MN. And now it's actually true." AHHH!! Can't handle it much longer!

So now we are in February, and so much has happened. I went from one extreme with my job to another-- settled in to a new part of the project with a much smaller team. Good people, good work. It has been heartbreaking and trying, strength-building and faith-growing.

And, we're into a new trimester with Baby Sister. As I write this my stomach literally contorts into different shapes, as she is often active at this hour. So crazy! How am I possibly supposed to get through these next few weeks, waddling around with Baby Sister while spending time meeting all of the needs of Big Sister? Tonight I found myself carrying Kennedy through the Mall of America (she wanted mama to hold her, not dada so how could I say no? And I was realizing I had not only my massive bump, but also a 25 lb. toddler on my front. I'm like an inverted camel. It's nuts but I love every minute (well, most of them).

And, business is booming. Health and wellness business, that is. We're rockin' it, changing lives and making connections and sharing visions. We've got something fun in store for March - see more here: ourwellnessproject.wordpress.com.

My mind is exploding with possibility! I just find there aren't enough hours in the day. I'm constantly running ideas through my head - ideas for my blog, for my business, for my family. I try to write them all down but it's hard to even keep up! Someone recently told me she can tell that my energy and my passions are aligning, and that all we really are from a physics standpoint is energy, anyway (though I have an old physics friend who may beg to differ).

In the meantime, I think you'll see me writing a bit more now that I've gathered and organized my thoughts. It is truly a privilege to have this outlet to share with you! And as spring is (sometime soon) upon us, I'll find my ideas blooming and growing with the season.

Thank you for reading my randomness. It's good to be back.

Resolve to Be the Best Me

I recently read that only 8% of stated goals are met. I don't have any proof or documentation about this, so I'm not making an official claim -- the more important thing is to think about how to make sure mine end up in the "achieved" category. Part of what I'm learning is that in order to achieve big things, I need to write it out and revisit it on a regular basis, making it a part of my vision for the year. So, for 2014 I'm making a vision board, a process I've found to be very therapeutic, relaxing and energizing for my soul.

My vision is something I'll have to reach for, but when I accomplish it, I'll be so thankful I did. It's not something I can explain in just one sentence; rather, it's a culmination of things that I want to happen over the course of this year and the next five years. The gist of my vision, though, is about becoming the BEST ME I CAN POSSIBLY BE.

So, I came up with a list of New Year's resolutions to help me achieve my vision:

1. Practice kindness, positivity and encouragement with all people, even when not immediately reciprocated. Kill them with kindness to grow more peace and love in the world.
2. Focus on my well-being: mentally, physically, socially, spiritually. Be more active and fit, practice meditation, yoga and deep breathing, get my heart rate up on a regular basis. Share wellness ideas with others to hold myself accountable too -- use my new Facebook group called The Wellness Project as a forum for sharing ideas and discussion (JOIN US in this group! Request and I'll add you!)
3. Lean into fear. When I'm scared, revisit this question: "What Would I Do If I Weren't Afraid?"
4. Don't worry so much about failing. Each small failure means I'm diving in, and a series of small failures does not equal general life failure.
5. Prioritize the things in life that make my heart sing, like my beautiful, growing family, friends who are there no matter what, hot sun in July, dark chocolate with red wine, nostalgic music, and water.
6. Don't sweat the small stuff. If things don't go perfectly, smile and move on. Time will heal most everything.
7. Show Jake the same support for achieving his dreams as he does for mine.
8. Buy less things. Decrease the volume of "stuff" we own and accumulate.
9. Celebrate successes and have fun! Smile a lot.

What are your resolutions? Post them here, or at least write them down for yourself. I want you to be the best you can possibly be in 2014, too!

It's Okay to Cry

My good friend Jennie sent me this article, saying "I thought of you when I read this." My first reaction was-- gosh, it might be okay to cry at work, but is it okay to be the one people think of when they read an article saying it's okay to cry at work?? I also had a similar reaction when my old boss clipped an article out of the newspaper and sent it to me, saying "Thought of you," and the article was about why more women cry at work than men.

So-- these people are obviously pointing it out blatantly to me, and while I could wonder if there's hidden meaning behind these articles ending up in my inbox, I'm honestly just embracing it. Actually, owning it. Sheryl Sandberg says it's okay.

In reality, I spent a lot of my 20s getting feedback and input from other people on how to be and how to act, how I was perceived and how to tow the line. I should be "less this" and "more that" and use qualifiers and phrase things a certain way. To be honest, I gained a LOT of perspective about how what I say impacts others. I am so incredibly grateful for being able to look at myself from outside of myself (if you haven't tried this, it's exhausting but OH SO worth it). It has helped me a great deal in building genuine relationships, having casual relationships, and in dealing with tougher situations.

I also vividly remember when I hit 30 years old, I said to myself, "This decade is going to be SOOO much better than the last." And I think in part I feel this way because I'm frankly not going to try so hard to please everyone. It's exhausting! I've had this fear of disappointing others, this fear of being called out as different and not fitting the mold. However, do I really want to look back on my life and say to myself, "Gosh, I accomplished so much; I fit the mold and did what others expected of me." Not really my main purpose in life!

I do want to be liked. That's no secret. I also want to be respected. BUT--- as my mother-in-law recently reminded me, I can only control myself and my actions. I can't control how others respond in every situation. I will continue to focus on the Maya Angelou quote because I want to bring LOVE into the world and leave things better than I found them. I want to drive a beautiful purpose into this world, for and with my family and friends.

But when things don't go well, or someone does something that is hurtful or feels disappointed by something I said or did, or we have conflict, it's okay to cry. Whether around family, friends, or in the office. Emotions help us build deeper connections and as Sheryl says, help us place authenticity over perfectionism. All great things for living large and focusing on people and purpose.

So, I will continue to think about how emotions impact others' view of us, but when they happen, I'll also make sure that as long as I'm being genuine and true to myself and the relationship at hand, it's okay to cry. The tears will dry but the impact of the moment will likely last longer, and hopefully make us better.

"People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel." --Maya Angelou

It's Gonna Be Okay

It's been an awesome Christmas week and I'm excited for New Year's week as well. I just can't believe how much fun it is to have more time at home, focused on my family, especially since when I'm at work during the week and Jake is working on the weekends, time as a family is scarce. Too scarce, I'd say.

We also have had an amazing transition this week, as Kennedy moved from her crib to her toddler bed 5 nights ago and it's gone smoothly every night. However, as I reminisce on 2013, it has not always gone smoothly.

I think about the sleepless nights that we started out the year with, when Kennedy still wasn't sleeping through the night (and I felt like the only parent with a 10-month-old who couldn't figure it out.) Would she EVER sleep through the night without a major cry-it-out session?!

I think about the time she bumped her face on the bricks outside and cut her lip open, and how awful I felt about not watching her more carefully.

I think about the time she blistered her fingers on my flat iron in the morning, after grabbing the ceramic plates with her hand - and could not be consoled all day.

I think about the time I heated up her rice too hot, and she was eating without a shirt on, and she poured it on herself and the hot rice stuck to her and she wailed.

I think about the mornings I let her watch Minnie while I shut my eyes on the couch, just wishing she would focus on the show so I could drift off to sleep for a little longer.

I think about the work days I missed her immensely, but then got home and found that her cranky attitude made me wish bedtime was a little sooner.

I think about the long afternoon/evenings when Jake was working, or the full weekend days Jake was at class, when I wasn't sure how she and I would fill our entire day just the two of us. And how sometimes I would put her to bed 15 minutes earlier for me, because I needed that extra time to myself.

And I read this article. All of these moments made me feel guilty, like shouldn't I LOVE every single minute with this little 1-year-old? Shouldn't I pay closer attention so she doesn't have accidents and doesn't get hurt? Shouldn't I be thankful for her expression of feelings even if they were not the most positive feelings at the moment?

Let Me Be The One Who Says It Out Loud

It was so refreshing. I'm pretty sure the first time I read it, I actually had tears running down my face. Not every moment is going to be perfect, and that's okay. And then when I read this line, I completely burst out laughing: "You have little dictators living in your house. If someone else talked to you like that, they’d be put in prison."

Parenting is not easy -- our society romanticizes it through mommy blogs, Anne Geddes style newborn photos, and the biggest culprit of all: Facebook. Everyone else's life looks a lot easier and a lot better when all we see are the things they share with us online. Remember, they choose the posts and photos that represent their lives in the best light possible, too!

As I head into the new year, I am sure there will be more moments like the ones from this year. But there will also be the million other moments I've written about that truly become the focus, the reason we keep smiling. My goal (one of them) is to take the tough moments in stride and focus on the ones that go well, and remember that I'm a completely good parent even with those mishaps. And if you're a parent, you are, too! Don't forget it! Cheers to a 2014 with mistakes that make us laugh, and little dictators that don't make us (too) crazy. We all gotta love a little crazy though, right?!