Baby K @ 5 Months!

Celebrate with me! I'm 5 months old!

Kennedy is just an amazing little girl. We're having so much fun! At 5 months, Kennedy:

• Wears 3-6 month onesies, and mostly 3 month clothes, with a few 6 month clothes
• Is long and lean. She's tall! Her thighs are the chunkiest, and thus, most irresistible little things ever.
• LOVES standing with a little help (like the picture above). Will do this all day if we let her. Jumps and bounces from standing position - her legs get quite the workout!
• Isn't thrilled by tummy time. She wants to be on the move, and without the ability to crawl, tummy time is SO frustrating!
• Loves when Mommy and Daddy sing. I've never gotten such a positive reaction to my singing voice!
• Sucks her fingers and her toes all the time. She's quite flexible in that her feet easily reach her mouth!
• Sleeps okay, but this has been the most trying month thus far. She wakes up a lot and seems in pain from teething. No teeth yet, but the cries are definitely painful.
• Stays in her crib 11-12 hours, even though she wakes up a ton. She easily goes back to sleep, and we are grateful for that.
• Gives kisses! It's my favorite thing. She reaches out for my face and literally grabs it with her pincer hands, pulls it in and plants a big, drooly, open-mouthed kiss on my face. We can exchange kisses for a solid half hour and stay entertained.
• Is starting to love tags on blankets and toys. Is super into textures and grasping/holding everything.
• Still loves her bouncer, jumperoo, and is starting to enjoy her cradle swing more. She will be outgrowing this soon, though!
• Coos and "talks" quite a bit, but nothing even slightly comprehendible yet. 
• Loves bath time - splashing, chewing her fish or rubber ducky and her washcloth
• Loves books. She even knew to start "reading" when Grandma opened a book for her - she started talking up a storm. She's still silent when I read, so I think she was showing Grandma how it's done.
• Is really just the happiest little girl! Which in turn makes us SO happy! We are so blessed!

3 Years Ago... Plus a Little Food for Thought

Three years ago was a glorious day. Not only did I get to execute the event of a lifetime (which was super cool in itself), but Jake and I got to commit ourselves to each other forever. And gosh, do I feel lucky. Not a day goes by that I doubt our decision to marry - even if some days are stressful, sleepless, and as of late, completely crazy! We are the perfect balance for each other through everything that comes our way. Of course, most recently, as parents.

Look at this face, those kind eyes!

I am so happy!

                                                             

Yes, I did love the event. I really enjoyed planning the wedding, seeing my ideas come to life!

We will continue to embark on this journey, and we are lucky to have found each other.

I also am taking a moment today to think about the upcoming vote for or against the amendment to the MN State Constitution, which if passed, would make it even harder for some very dear friends to do what many of us take for granted. There is absolutely NO GOOD REASON that people in loving, committed relationships should not be able to take those same vows to one another that we did. We're not talking about a political issue here; we're talking about a human issue. A real, human dignity issue. I grew up getting to envision my wedding and seeing it come to life. There are people today - even in the 21st century - who have not yet had this chance in their life. I'm really hoping this will change, and I really do have faith in the people of Minnesota.

If you are still deciding, I urge you to truly consider voting NO (not to limit the freedom to marry). Consider what little negative impact voting NO will have on your life. I promise you, the vote will have a much greater POSITIVE impact on the lives of many others than any parcel of negative you think you might experience. If you don't know yet where you stand, I want you to really put yourself in the shoes of others - of really wonderful human beings - and consider how important this stance for equality will be for them, for our kids and for our kids' friends. I certainly don't say it best, so here are a couple great reads: www.minnesotaforequality.com and http://www.owldolatrous.com/?p=288 (I realize the second isn't solely about marriage, but gets at the point of support for equality nonetheless.)

And, I am so happy to say: Happy Anniversary to my love!!

Celebrating 30

I have been totally MIA, I know. I have been soaking up every single day of life! It's been a blast of a summer, and of course totally different than all past summers, but I'm finally taking a moment to write and reflect. I recently read an article where 90-year-olds were interviewed, and if they had to do it all over again, the three biggest things they would change are: Take more risks, take more time to reflect, and do more that would live on when they are gone. I feel I have improvements to make in some of these areas. But for now, reflection.

Before I was even pregnant, as my friends started turning 30, we decided we would take a trip to celebrate this great milestone in life. Only a couple weeks after my 30th birthday, we took off for San Diego, and more specifically, a beach house rental in Encinitas, a small beach town in Southern California. It was glorious!

Six women celebrated being 30 together, lazed on the beach, reflected on our past decade and looked at the one ahead of us.

We spent a couple days at the beach, and also ventured to the San Diego Zoo for a full day trip. This zoo is crazy! Lots of ground to cover, lines for the "really cool" animals, and strollers lined up everywhere! Kennedy definitely would have been right at home with all of the other babies visiting the zoo. Maybe next time.

Here are a few of my favorite animal pics:

Wise old man!

These next two pictures show something that I found immensely cool. The cheetah and wolf pups are brought into an Animal Ambassador program, where they are paired with a domesticated dog that serves as a lifelong companion. It's almost like the dog is a mentor to the wild cheetah or wolf throughout life! They become best of friends, playmates, and look out for each other. They develop a deep bond and the dog helps the wild animal "take things in stride." I suppose I could say that Jake is like my dog buddy. :)

Oh, and this little dude hung upside down to drink water. So wily.

The last night in Encinitas, we had gourmet cupcakes to celebrate our milestone birthday. As we sat around, watched the Olympics, and spent some high quality time together, I reflected on how these women make my life a million times sweeter. I am blessed and lucky beyond my 30 years!

Kennedy's 4 Months Old!

This is such a fun stage! We're just enjoying every single day right now. Kennedy is getting more and more of a personality, and we are loving it! I absolutely love getting to know the little person she is turning into. 

At 4 months, Kennedy:

• Weighs 13 lb 9 oz, which is 50th percentile. She is 26" long (97th percentile) with a bean head (25th percentile)! Long and lean. And utterly perfect.
• Wants to be "on-the-move" all the time. She wiggles and stands and kicks whenever she is sitting with someone, and always has to be looking out at everything going on in the room.
• Sleeps 12 hours at night, but gets up 2-3 times to eat (Mama's getting tired!)
• Takes 3 naps a day, usually. One in the morning, a long one in the afternoon, and a cat nap in the early evening.
• Rolls over! She rolls from her back to her tummy all the time, and holds her head up high. She easily plays with her toys and reaches for them while on her tummy with her head at 90 degrees.
• Babbles/talks to us on a regular basis, especially while on her changing table.
• LOVES books. She reaches out and touches the pages and textures, and tries to grab the books to chew on them
• Per the above, she loves chewing on everything. Her hands, toys, books, blankets. We are pretty sure teeth are on the way. (lots of drool too!)
• Loves her muslin blankets from Grandma. We always have one at her side, and she cuddles with them when she is sleepy. They are her favorite!
• Smiles a lot, especially at people she knows. She loves having conversations, both with words and with facial expressions.
• Loves baths, and has gone swimming a couple times, but definitely likes the cold water less than the bath water.
• Is extremely expressive. We are never left guessing what Kennedy is thinking/feeling. She makes her thoughts known and her voice heard!
• Fits 3 month clothes and 3-6 month onesies perfectly
• Is a complete delight to be around 99% of the day. She is truly the light of our lives and an amazing little girl!

How We Help the Less Fortunate

One thing I love about my job is our chance to volunteer as a team during work time. We recently went as a team to Feed My Starving Children, a Christian organization that sends food to those who are hungry around the world. It has always been a struggle for me comprehend what so much of the world struggles with - true hunger - and even more so now with my baby girl. It makes my heart hurt to imagine a mother who does not have the means to feed her child. To have to listen to her child cry, to see the tears and have nothing to provide.

As I was already thinking about and missing Kennedy, we learned that we would not be packing the usual Manna Pack (chicken, veggies, soy, rice!) but instead, a meal called Potato-W, specially designed for 7-12 month old babies who need more than just breast milk to get all their nutrients. This formula was developed with soy, sweet potatoes, and regular potatoes for the most fragile of tummies to thrive.

Being my baby is almost 4 months, as I was thinking about my love for her, I almost lost it.

The entire time, I thought about Kennedy and how she has to wait about 30 seconds for me to get in position to feed her, and how sometimes those 30 seconds cause tears of frustration. And I find myself in awe of this organization that provides so much food to people of all types around the world. We learned that there is truly enough food for every single human to have enough to eat. The problem is not the quantity; it's the distribution. Food simply does not reach those who are less fortunate.

Feed My Starving Children provides meals that cost 22 cents per person, so our money goes a long way. They also have a 99.7% success rate on the food reaching its intended destination. Having worked in supply chain, this is impressive, especially considering the places in the world where the food is sent.

With my mind on Kennedy, I worked hard, packing every meal with love and care. I figured it was only fitting that we donate some money to the cause. I especially want those fragile tummies to be full, and I'm so happy that they've come up with a potato pack which can help this cause. We bought some onesies from the FMSC store, which will help give food to little ones who are less fortunate. Kennedy will be rocking this onesie around 12 months.

It says "I can't cook yet, but my onesie just fed 36 kids." Touched my heart to make such an impact!

And we are so humbled by this work and the reality that exists for so many across the world.

Kennedy at 3 Months

I totally forgot to write her 3 month update! It was also Father's Day, so I was busy making sure Jake felt special all day, but that's no excuse. :) We took her swimming for the first time on Father's Day, which was awesome. We are just having the best time with our little peanut. Here are some developments:

• Kennedy is extremely expressive. You can see in the first picture below how she can curl her lip and clench her whole body, to completely express her distaste for something. She laughs, screams, squeals, and has this noise I call the kazoo cry, because it's like a zippy cry of increasing frustration. It's sweet, even though she is clearly sad! I just love that she's not afraid to communicate her feelings.
• Her other squeals and shrieks sound a bit like baby pterodactyl. Thus, we sometimes call her Baby Dinosaur.
• Is super curious and widens her eyes while she's looking around at everything. She still loves patterns of high contrast, like black/white, light/dark.
• Weighs probably 12.5 lbs., though no doctor appointment this month to confirm. Also seems much longer - I swear one night she grew an inch overnight!
• Wears 3-6 month clothes. We've finally introduced one pair of footwear, these furry slippers that are oh so cute!
• Wakes one or two times a night, and is getting more consistently down to one time. During that time I nurse her for 10 minutes and she's back to bed!
• Sleeps 12 hours at night (even past 8am in her crib!) and 3-4 hours during the day. Still a great sleeper.
• Likes sucking on her hands, even her entire fist. She sucks on her hands half the day! She seems to be teething quite a bit, so she'll suck and chew on her hands and her toys. She also put herself to sleep sucking her two middle fingers one day.
• Loves her monkey (mono) toy, her seahorse, and Sophie the giraffe. 
• Can sit in the Bumbo and reach for her toys.
• LOVES to be "standing" on our legs. She's super active, always pushing up and moving her body. And strong! We can so tell she wants to be on-the-go! (we're okay waiting a bit though)
• Does not love to be on her tummy as much. Now that she's experienced "standing", tummy time is just downright frustrating. I'll bet she only crawls for a short time, then walks early.
• Stares at the trees in awe. When I was walking her in the Bjorn, she would just stare straight up at the trees, mouth open, completely enthralled. When we hit blue sky, she started fussing until there were trees above us again! A nature girl.

I went back to work last week and it's been hard, but she's doing so great. She has a pretty chill attitude and is perfectly happy with her daddy during the days I'm working. We're definitely still loving this team effort and our family time, though. Happy 3 months, Baby Girl! We love you!

First swim on Father's Day

Thoughts from a 12 Week Slice of Heaven (aka Maternity Leave Comes to an End) (aka The Most Dreaded June. Ever.)

Writing is therapeutic. And therapy is probably what I'll need in the days, weeks, and months to come. It is so strange, because I'm sitting out on my deck on this 87 degree evening, looking up at clear skies in the 8pm daylight, and all I can really do is look at this beautiful sight to my left and wipe the tears away when they roll down my cheek.

For the first time in my entire LIFE, I dreaded the arrival of one of my most favorite months. June is full of beauty, warmth, newness and excitement. Busy weekends, barbecues, an entire summer ahead of us. And for me just this year, the end of a period filled with hour after hour of pure bliss, while getting to know my sweet baby girl, and my chance at being a mama for the first time.

She's sleeping, so I am playing the iTunes playlist that Jake made for her titled "Goodnight Kennedy" about 3 hours after we came home from the hospital. "All the Pretty Little Ponies" by Kenny Loggins just played, and I tell you that this is the epitome of melancholy. I so vividly remember coming home and crying out basically every pregnancy hormone in my body for 48 hours straight, holding her from 2-6am on the couch while Jake slept, and feeling comforted by this song. Melancholy, but comforted. And gosh, at that time it was ALL ahead of us.

The first struggles. The first joys. Not sleeping. Tears. Three human beings and one furry being sharing one bed. Learning to breastfeed. Recovering from labor. Walking in circles around the house, while hushing and rocking her to sleep. The Twinkle Twinkle giraffe. The Sleep Sack. Awake at 9, 11, 12:30, 2, 3:30, 5, 6, 7:30, for the day. The first bath. The first trip to Target. Weekday walks as a family. Daytime naps on the tummy, while Mommy and Daddy eat breakfast and watch Desperate Housewives, The Voice, Grey's, and Glee. The first coo. The first smile. The first shots. :( Watching her give us Love Eyes. "Kennedy is The Backson!" Naps together in the bed. Daddy/daughter time so Mommy could sleep in. Photo shoots. Video shoots. ECFE class (she was the youngest). Play dates with Angie, Eva and Carter. Day after day of visitors bringing meals. Staring at the trees. Giggling at Mommy's belly blows. Calling her Mono. Reading books. Memorizing Dr. Seuss' ABCs. Talking with her. Listening to her. Cuddling with her. Loving her.

That last paragraph may not have made total sense to you, but I want to capture it all. I'm extra lucky because Jake's job has allowed us to spend most days together as a family during my leave. This time will forever go down as one of the best times of my life. And not just my life, but our life together.

I still realize that the title of this blog is incredibly cheesy. You can roll your eyes at, I know that life is not always a honeymoon. BUT, I believe, and this short period of time has reminded me, that the honeymoon parts are what make it great. They're what we need to focus on during the less than desirable times. I'm certainly not fearless, but I'm going to enter next week with strength and willpower to succeed at being a mom who works. And as I said to someone a couple weeks ago, I'll constantly remember that "Everything is much more beautiful as a mama."

The Best Day

"And I didn't know if you knew, so I'm takin' this chance to say
That I had the best day with you today." -Taylor Swift

So my time at home every day with Kennedy is dwindling. Like really fast, quickly before my eyes. I've had some tears already, and I can safely say that this has been the only year that I completely frowned at turning the calendar to June. Normally June is my favorite! Summer, anticipation, long days, hot, starry nights. A whole three months of pure glory. Not this year. This year I would go back to April in a heartbeat. To the weeks and weeks of 24/7 time with my girl. Now I can't even say week.

However, today, I have felt energized by our time together. Recharged, excited. I heard "The Best Day" by Taylor Swift, and it made me smile. Taylor's singing to her mom instead of the other way around, but it totally touched me.

We didn't even do anything extraordinary, but that's what was beautiful. We drove downtown, strapped on the Bjorn for a walk to get ice cream (Kennedy stared straight up at the trees passing by the entire time), napped in the bed, smiled and giggled at each other. ALL DAY. It's cool how right now these are the things that constitute the best days.

And we will have more best days. The things we do will change as she grows, and I'm excited to see what the best days are made of at each age. We won't get a best day 7 days a week, but that's not reality for stay at home moms, either. We will get 3 solid days a week to turn into best days as often as possible, and I will certainly be capitalizing on those.

It won't be easy, and sometimes it will be downright difficult, but days like today are what will keep me going from one best day to the next.

Beautiful napper. Beautiful nap.

Cake pops! (yes, I ate them both)

Kennedy at 2 Months

I can't believe my little pumpkin is 2 months old today! We've had a whirlwind ride, and time is flying, but we have definitely been making the most of every minute every day. I just look at her and live as much in the present as possible. I watch her eat. I watch her sleep. I watch her stare at the light coming through the blinds, the black and white kitchen patterns, and at my face and smile. It's pretty cool to not care about the day of the week or time of the day and to just be present in the moment. THIS is a good way to live.

Kennedy at 2 months:

• Usually sleeps great from 8pm until 3am, and then 3am onward is hit or miss. Her first "shift" is strong, but she wakes once the sun starts peeking out, which is early right now! We NEED room darkening blinds.
• Although she wakes up early, she will fall back asleep in our bed for a couple hours. She loves cuddling with Mommy and Daddy.
• Measures 50th percentile weight, 75th percentile height, 60th percentile head circumference. A tall girl! I've definitely noticed she's getting longer.
• Wears mostly 3 month clothes (though we can squeeze into 0-3 month onesies like the one in this picture.
• Is very expressive. Gives lots of smiles, talks, coos, and makes "love eyes" at us all day. Her eyebrows alone can tell quite the story (just like her daddy's!)
• Loves playing with her hands, shoving her fist in her mouth, grasping them in front of her, holding them up by her face. They're still usually balled up in fists.
• Can hold her head up really well. It doesn't bobble very much anymore! 
• Seems very comfortable in her carseat (security) and loves car rides. 
• Enjoys her bouncer which vibrates and plays music. I bring that thing all over the house so she can just sit and watch me cook, fold laundry, do dishes!
• Loves taking walks in the Baby Bjorn or in the Moby wrap. Really enjoys being close to our bodies and the fresh air outside.
• Still loves tummy time and spends lots of time moving her head around while laying on her tummy. With a soft blanket under her, she plays with the textures with her hands. Then she often falls asleep.
• While sitting in the Boppy, kicks her legs and punches her arms all at the same time, while turning her head back and forth. This girl is keyed in to the world around her, taking it all in! She is easily entertained and so interested. I have a feeling she will be mobile as soon as possible.
• Loves music and books. Dr. Seuss' ABCs makes her smile and sometimes squeal with laughter. 
• Makes the cutest little squeals / squeaks of laughter, showing her pure excitement for what's going on around her. SO sweet!

We just love her so much and can't wait to see what happens this month!

The Real Me

I've been on maternity leave now for 8 weeks. Exactly 8 weeks ago right now, I was sleeping, experiencing my last pre-mommy night. Waking up in 6 short hours from labor pains, ready to change the world.

To say that I've enjoyed my leave is an understatement. I still have 1 month - exactly 1 month until I return to work. The thought is scary, and sometimes I have to ask myself why. 

It's not the work really at all - I like to be busy. I enjoy the nature of my work, the interaction, the keeping up on emails, project deadlines, stretching my mind and my skill set, and the constant collaboration. If someone were to ask you to finish this sentence, how would you finish it? "When I am at work, I feel ________" (insert your most negative word here). My word is misunderstood. I honestly feel like the contradiction between who I am and who people perceive me to be at work is too large. Somehow I need to change that. I am a go-getter; some might say hard-ass, ball-buster, type A, anal, uptight, determined, controlling, ladder climbing professional. These things have positive aspects, but the connotations bring out other words I've heard like condescending, intimidating, aggressive. Words that I don't really want to be associate with. At all. 

While on leave, I've been in full mommy mode. I've been able to experience emotions in completely new ways. I've slowed down and had moments with my daughter that completely contradict the feelings above. I've attended Bring Your Own Baby Yoga class, where everything imperfect happens and we are supportive nonetheless. I have been in ECFE classes with other moms who are truly non-judgmental, providing ideas and support in ways that are scarce in the workplace. I've emphasized appreciation on the littler things, like smiles, coos, leg kicks, and tummy time. My daughter lifts her head at 45 degrees! THAT is an accomplishment! 

When I go back, I will be transitioning from professional woman to professional mom. Not the that the two are mutually exclusive, but I will be making some changes in how I interact and approach my work. I VOW to do the following (and will revisit this many times to remind myself if necessary):

• Have more compassion. Find the positive traits in others and help emphasize and advertise them through my work.
• Exercise grace - give others the benefit of the doubt in situations that go differently than planned
• Be consistent. Stand up for what I believe in, even if it is unpopular. How else will we ever change things that need changing?
• Drown out the busy noise
• Take time to immerse myself in my work; and
• Take time to breathe.

It's easy to get caught up in that fast-paced world out there, but as my boss told me when I shared with him that I was pregnant, "Becoming a mom will only make you a better leader." I will remember these things and really hope that he's right.