How to Live a Full Life

I'm so amazed by this 18-year old boy from my hometown who has gone viral - completely viral on Facebook, YouTube, and even iTunes. The heavy part is that he went viral the day he passed away from cancer, just on Monday.

I am amazed and confused, and joyful about his life, which really helps put mine in perspective. Confused in the sense that bad things can happen to such amazingly good people. Filled with love for the community I grew up in, and amazement as I watch this YouTube video that has gone viral - with 6.3 million views and counting! The video includes clips from my high school, my town, the streets I grew up on. And I can only imagine the outpouring of love and support for the Sobiech family within the community.

Outside of the community, the outpouring has been ridiculous. I just went on iTunes to see his song, "Clouds" by Zach Sobiech, as the #1 download, above artists like Pink, Macklemore, and Justin Timberlake. What?! Zach is sure smiling down at this feat. (His YouTube version also has over 5 million hits.)

All of the proceeds from the song are going to Children's cancer research, which I think is just awesome. The video about his life really shows him as a calm, connected human being, full of faith and love for the people around him. He doesn't seem to worry about a lot of things 18-year-olds are worried about - popularity, material items, being seen as cool. He's this down-to-earth, goofy guy who lived every minute of his short life. So how to live a full life? Here are some things for me to remember:

• Be present in the moment. Don't worry so much about the past, or the future - worry about the now.
• Focus on the people. I've always said since I was a teenager, "People make or break my day." Surround yourself with the people who are day makers most of the time.
• Quiet the voices in your head. I have them - I think we all do. The voices tell me, "I should be..." or "I want..." or "I need to achieve..." or "I'm not happy because _____ hasn't gone the way I planned." This world can eat you alive if you let it. Zach could have been down on himself near the end, but he found a way to let go of the noise to focus on what matters.
• Think of each day as a gift. Zach would have given anything to live to his 20s, 30s, 40s.... he talked about having kids one day. He would have loved a chance as a working adult. I'm lucky to have experienced these things.
• Be vulnerable. He said "I love you" to his brother on screen, and joked about how guys just don't say that very often. I'm reading Brene Brown's book, Daring Greatly, right now, which talks about the most important thing that humans want: to connect with others. Real connection happens through vulnerability. How can you connect before it's too late?

It's a beautiful story, really, and I thank Zach for reminding me of what's important and what I have in this life. <3>

Lean in, or out, or back or forth or not at all.

Sheryl Sandberg has been taking the discussion boards and book clubs by storm with her new book, Lean In. It's a feminist sort of book, and a business leadership sort of book, and it gets all sorts of rave reviews and criticism from a variety of audiences.  Here are a couple notables ones:

• Why Women Should Embrace a "Good Enough" Life
• A Stay at Home Dad's Thoughts on Lean In
• Why I'd Rather Stand Up Straight Than Lean In

Sheryl definitely makes some great points in her book. I am thoroughly glad I read it and I am fascinated by her success story. Some critics think she had it easier than most because of her upbringing and mentors early in her career - I give her the benefit of the doubt on this piece because she obviously did something right to gain their support. I also don't think anyone could deny she's hardworking. I think for me - the place the book falls short - is how she describes the opportunity/cost equation of a career vs. motherhood as a purely economic equation.

At one point in the book, she explains how even if all or most of the working mom's salary is going to childcare, it's still worth paying for childcare and staying in the workforce because essentially mom is staying relevant and climbing the 'jungle gym' to success. She said you can't compare the current salary to childcare costs; you must compare the future salary that is built over time from staying in the workforce.

I get her point, economically, but Sheryl spends very little (if any) time talking about the price of those moments. The moments when my little girl reaches for me and pulls me in with a big, sloppy kiss. When her eyes light up with a sparkle when I walk through the door. When she cries for me in the middle of the night, and I go in and rock her, and she dries her tears, shoves her hand in my mouth and pinches my nose, giggling. When she communicates with me wide-eyed, signing, nodding and shaking her head. The moments when we belly laugh and tickle tummies and throats, when she throws her head back, revealing her neck for just one more. The moments when nothing else will do but reading a book in my lap.

Call me an idealist, but I truly can't put a price on these moments. And while I care very much about my career, I also recognize the importance of pressing "pause" on a lifetime of work ahead of me. This Mother's Day was a great day for me to step back, take a look at the beauty around me, be thankful, and embrace how I choose to spend most of my days - leaning into the important things in life that I'll surely look back on someday with pure joy and a smile.

I hope you all enjoyed your Mother's Day, recognizing the precious caretakers in yourself and those around you.

Work AND Life (More appropriately titled: Life, which includes Work.)

I've always prioritized my desire to achieve work/life balance. In fact, I prefer the term work/life blending, because the two have never really been separate to me. Work is something you do. It's not just a place you go; it's a thing you do. I check emails at night or prep for a big presentation on the weekend. It's a big blob of something I am accountable for, and sometimes the blend is a little heavy on work, while other times it's a little lighter. My expert bartender husband makes me a cocktail - the vodka to lemonade ratio might be stronger one week, and might be lighter the next. Not all cocktails are the same. (So is work the vodka or the lemonade?)

I read this article and really enjoyed it. Is There Life After Work? I think there is so much talk about "Leaning In" since Sheryl Sandberg's new book, and a lot of the talk is geared towards leaning in to one's career, to the opportunities presented. While I do think there is a lot smart about jumping at opportunities, I am also focused on saying 'no' where it makes sense. Work will take as much time as I will give it. I can always do more. But in order to live a full life, I want to look at each week, month, year and feel that I have fully lived.

Here is an amazing video that depicts this notion as well: Video: 35 I don't know this guy, but I just love his outlook. While I don't have the financial ability to live frivolously in an idealistic work EVERY day (there are some boundaries, people!) I do think it's great perspective on staying grounded in what's important.

I also feel very lucky that my company allows me to work 4 days/week - that's 52 extra days a year to focus on my life outside of work!

Bottom line - my work is important to me, but it does not define me. It defines a part of me - I like accomplishing big things, stretching my brain, utilizing my strengths, and learning new things. But I am a whole person, and I am thankful for people like Erin from Lehman Brothers who share their stories so we can keep perspective and learn from them. 

March

March and April have turned into our busiest months of the year, and this year was no exception. It felt special (birthdays), spiritual (baptism, Easter), and celebratory (family and friend gatherings every weekend for 5 straight weekends. Below are a few of the highlights:

Grandpa Greg (formerly known as "Dad") had a birthday! We had a delicious brunch at Crave, where Jake and Kennedy are both super popular. Loved this time with family.

Natalie and Kennedy hanging together at Crave 

Grandma and Kennedy at brunch

Kennedy's first Easter egg hunt at Grandma/Grandpa's - she found 7 bright colorful eggs! (with coins in them)

Easter dinner w/ Jake's family, and a chance for a family picture

Kennedy and the real bunny on her first Easter

We started the month with Kennedy's baptism take 2 (she had a double ear infection on the originally scheduled date). I'll do a separate post on that day, but I am truly happy with the decision to baptize her now and the church we've chosen to start attending near our home. We followed baptism Sunday with 1st birthday Sunday, then Grandpa's birthday and then Easter. 

Easter felt special as well, as it always does. A beautiful day that really signifies spring and new beginnings (though we're still waiting to feel spring). And then my dear sister's birthday, which we celebrated at her apartment with lobster rolls from the Smack Shack. Yum!

We've got a bit of free time now until the weddings pick up in May and June, so we're enjoying laying low, taking naps, and spring cleaning. Exciting things ahead, I can tell!

And this is what 1 looks like...

We had the best 1st birthday. It was so fun to think about our year, her year, and now her life as a 1-year-old. It's a pretty special to be 1! 

I won't keep writing monthly updates, but maybe every 3-6 months I'll write about what she's doing. However, we'll close out the year with a 12-month, aka 1 year update. At 12 months, Kennedy:

• Weights 19 lb. 1 oz, and is 29 inches tall. This puts her around 30th percentile for weight and 40th for height. She's definitely petite but growing at a proportionate rate. 
• Wears mostly 12M clothes, 12M onesies, and some 9M pants. Her waist is small for some 12M pants!
• Eats mostly regular, prepared meals that we eat (or would eat). She loves pasta dishes, egg bake, cheese, ground beef or turkey, meatballs, deli meat, cooked apples, yogurt, bananas, lasagna, and rice. We're trying to expand but so far, we're pretty happy with her appetite. 
• Cruises around furniture very quickly, and can stand alone for 5 seconds. She is also very good at bending down to pick things up and easily transitions between standing, sitting, and crawling.
• Sleeps THROUGH the night! Haven't been able to say that until this month's update! She might wake up and make little noises, but can almost always get herself back to sleep. No more night feedings!
• Loves playing with magnets on the fridge, stacking her rings, putting things in and taking out of boxes, stacking books, knocking down block towers, her elephant ball toy, and her other musical toys. She likes to turn on all musical toys at the same time (for a very calm environment, indeed.)
• She also loves playing music. She'll turn on the CD player by herself, look at us, and do a little dance.
• Claps her hands when we ask her to! She loves clapping on command, and then immediately pulls out her entire bag of tricks: her responses to "So big!", "Peekaboo!" and "Hello?" (holding her hand to her ear like she's on the phone)
• Is turning more and more into a toddler every day. She likes testing us - looking at us before doing something she knows she shouldn't do, and waiting for our response. Then, after we set limits, she looks at us again before attempting to break those limits. I can tell this stage is going to be oh-so-fun.
• LOVES her puppy. Pets her more gently, shares her food, holds her hand out to her for kisses, and is generally interested in where she is and what she's doing.
• On that note, she also has started pretending to be like her puppy! She takes Callie's leash and drapes it around the back of her neck/shoulders and crawls around like a puppy! So fun to see this make-believe play.
• Nods her head yes in addition to shaking her head no! She seems to deliberately shake and nod depending on the situation.
• Uses one sign consistently, for "all done" at the high chair
• Still loves the bath and will crawl quickly to bath when she hears the water running
• Hates having her diaper changed and puts up a big fuss/fight often. Time at the diaper table is a constant battle!
• Is still on the army crawl. At this point, I think that'll never change. I forget how unique her crawl is until someone new sees it, and they crack up immediately when she crawls. Someone recently said it's a "slither", which I think is super accurate.
• Is starting to show interest in playing with other kids. The bottom picture shows her playing with her cousin Liam, which is super cute to see how engaged they are in play together.
• Is of course, the little light of our lives. We can't wait to see what the second year brings! (of course, we are proceeding with caution, considering the stories I've heard about the toddler years)

Happy Birthday to Kennedy- we love you so much!

My Dear Girl...

My Dear, Sweet, Kennedy,

Tomorrow you turn 1. You have now been in the world for an entire year. A year ago, I was laying in bed after a long walk with Grandma Gail, trying to make you move! A year ago was my due date, and it was summery, hot and humid outside. (Today it was about 20 degrees and we are still snow-covered.) A year ago, I had spaghetti dinner with girlfriends, and it was hard to believe I was still pregnant.

It's so surreal to think about, because a year ago you couldn't even pick your head up and now you're cruising around furniture, clapping your baby doll's hands, brushing Grandma's hair, my hair, your hair, putting Callie's leash around your neck like she does, and making your wants and needs known.

I know you.

Really, I have known you since before the first day, when you were often very active in my tummy. And I knew you the day you were born, when you came out screaming for a good 20 minutes before you calmed down. I remember the first time you curled your lip to pout (you were probably 2 weeks old) and I said to your Daddy, "I can already picture her tantrums."

You see, I know you.

I know how excited you are about entertaining guests, welcoming people into our home, and interacting with our sweet puppy. I know how generous you are with sharing your things, bringing people into your world by handing them toys, holding out your food and water for them. I know how important it is for you to explore with your hands, understand the world around you. You want to work all of the small parts, twisting and turning and cranking and screwing them in. You want to understand how the world fits together.

I am that way, too. I still get excited about having guests over, and not wanting to miss a thing. I want people to experience what I am experiencing, so I bring them into my world, too. I want to understand the world, and while I often think it should fit like a puzzle, I'm learning to accept that some pieces will be torn and others will be missing.

I will always teach you to trust people, even when it's hard or even after that trust is broken. I believe in living with your whole heart, and I'll teach you about that. (I'll even teach you about Brené Brown one day.)

And sometimes your feelings get hurt.

You feel sad when something doesn't go your way, and you feel emotions intensely, but you also get over it pretty quickly because you are in tune to everything going on around you. You will get hurt sometimes, but that's okay. It will make you stronger, and you will learn from it. You will gain perspective from every experience, and learn how to be the best you possible. I will not always be able to protect you from frustration and pain, but I will always be there to work through it together.

You see, my little girl, I really believe that throughout your life, as you grow into this amazing person you were destined to be, I will look back and be able to say, "Yes, she's always been that way."

Love, Mommy

Technologically Speaking

I work as a Consultant in Organizational Effectiveness, a team focused on training and development of our various client groups. My client group is our technology department - what many traditionally know as Information Technology, or IT. I was recently talking with my boss about how the idea and reputation of IT is shifting so dramatically. I never found myself as interested in it as I do now.

People used to think of IT as payroll systems, code writers, green screens, cursors, blue screens, boxy fonts. But now - think of the biggest IT giants - they are the true innovators! Facebook. Google. Digital. Mobile. Things that are true drivers in our world today.

There is a generation being born today who will not think of IT in a traditional sense - because to them, technology will always be part of their DNA. It will support them in play, in learning and connecting. Here's a funny clip about Gen Z - which I'm not sure is definitively named that yet, but the newest generation born in 2000 or later. A Magazine is an iPad that Doesn't Work

Think about it. Our kids will naturally go to their devices, apps, web browsers, and sites to get the latest info and interact with the world. I've also joked with Jake that my first news source is Facebook. I'm not sure the old mantra "A place for friends" that Mark Zuckerberg created showed any intention for Facebook as a news source. But, nowadays, word travels fast and people post which leads me to find news stories.

It also reminds me of one of my first posts, when I talked about words that used to have narrow usage that are now in the forefront of our vocabularies. Things like "tweet" and "text" and "status" and even "like" are given new meaning, and are also suddenly very popular.

So, IT isn't really in the background. It's driving what we do, both in business and in life. It's not like "organizing the world's information" sounds like an extremely sexy task, but somehow the Google guys have made it that way.

11 Months Old!

She's 11 months! That is hardly any time left to 1 year old. I can't believe how different my life was a year ago, and how it was about to change so greatly. I can't believe how big my belly was a year ago! I can't believe how much free time I had a year ago - and how now it's been filled to the brim. Fulfilled to the brim. I can't believe what a joyous little being she is. At 11 months, Kennedy:

• Wears 9 month and 12 month clothes. She's long and lean, so she can still wear 9 month clothes (and even some 6 month shirts!) but pants are not long enough in those sizes.
• Loves to feed herself. She eats deli meat, bread, cheese cubes (of which she can't get enough of!), grapes (sometimes), granola bars (called nibbly fingers), yogurt, some pureed food, but would rather feed herself. In fact, I started giving her the spoon with bits of food on it, and she'll shovel it in.
• Loves drinking water from her sippy cup (cool) and her straw cup (even cooler!) 
• Cruises around all furniture, walls, fridge, oven, bathtub. Barely needs to hold on, but always holds something to balance herself. 
• Plays "peekaboo", "so big", and "hello?" where she holds things up to her ear like a phone. She also blows kisses sometimes but not as well on command as the other three.
• Enjoys standing on the couch looking out the window - we can't wait for spring!
• Loves her puppy, giggles when she gets puppy kisses, and will actively play with her by giving her toys, pulling toys away from her, etc.
• Sleeps better, for the most part! Still usually gets up once, but has had more nights of not waking lately.
• Has a few favorite activities: pulling magnets off the fridge (or putting them back up), pulling towels off the rack in the bathroom and kitchen, pulling tupperware out of the cupboard, tipping over block towers, pulling all of her toys out of her toy box, pulling the books off the shelf. Do we see a theme? Tornado baby!
• Is great at pulling up and getting back down to sitting from standing. She'll often do this to get something off the ground and then stand right back up.
• Is more antsy/less patient on her changing table. We need lots of distractions!
• Had her first fever and ear infection this month - no fun!
• Still says "mama", "dada", and "yeah" - but nothing else coherent. Answers questions with either "yeah" or shaking her head "no", and these seem to be true communication efforts.
• Signs "all done" when we ask her - this is her best sign language
• Is a total ham! Loves interaction, games, and her independence. At ECFE class, she is extremely social but also confident/independent enough to play by herself without checking in for awhile.

We can't wait to see what 1 year brings!

They're Worth the Splurge

I consider myself good at budgeting, a financially conscious person who can make a dollar go a long way. I'm always reminding Jake to get the generic brand, compare and purchase the least cost per unit, use coupons, or wait until it goes on sale. I'm not a fanatic about it; I just like to see my money go far. BUT - there are a few things in life that I think are definitely worth the splurge. I thought about this last week when I picked up some pine nuts for my salads and other dishes. I didn't realize what I would be spending until I got to the checkout lane. Do you KNOW how much a regular bag of pine nuts costs at Lunds? I want you to guess. I'll post the answer at the bottom of this page. I'm not sure it's one of those always-worth-the-splurge items, but they are sure tasty on my garlic and olive oil sautéed spinach dish.

These things, however, are always worth the splurge (in my book). What are your splurge-worthy items?

1. Meat: I'm not afraid to go above and beyond hot dogs, burgers, or chicken on a regular basis. I'll spring for the nice T-Bone or Filet Mignon frequently.
2. Ice Cream: I promise my answers are not all food-related. But there is a huge difference between a regular brand of ice cream and a premium ice cream like Haagen Dazs or Ben & Jerry's. My current favorite is Haagen Dazs Chocolate Peanut Butter. This is frozen decadence on a spoon.
3. Concerts: If I'm investing the time and money to attend a concert, I'd rather get the best possible seats in the house. If I can't sit lower level near the stage, I'd probably rather not go. It just makes such a huge difference.
4. Cleaning: This is one that surprised me. Ever since we've hired cleaners to come to our house every 2 weeks, I'm so ridiculously thankful we made the choice to do so. I'd rather set aside this money and cut back on a restaurant trips a month. It's really given me more time to really enjoy my free time, and keeps me on top of "tidying up" for the cleaners as well.
5. Massages: Yes, I am a sucker for a massage. I have no problem splurging for spa services, which are so irresistible after a long week of work. And I have to say, I'm feeling pretty grateful I have one scheduled tomorrow!

PS The pine nuts cost $14.99. This is more than twice what I was expecting. Crazy, right?!

Her Daddy

I'm so excited for Kennedy to get to know her daddy. She's one lucky girl to have him in her life, and I can't wait to see how their relationship and bond grows over the years.

I can't wait for her to learn how funny he is. She'll probably learn this trait sooner than others, since it's just so obvious. He already puts soap suds on her head, makes up silly songs, and exaggeratedly smells her diaper until she giggles.  

And she'll learn how caring and compassionate he is, especially towards the ones he loves. Especially towards her. Her daddy is calm, patient, helpful, and kind.

 Her daddy is loyal, and generous to those who he loves dearly.

Her daddy isn't ashamed to make a fool of himself to ease the tension and make someone else feel better.

Today, her daddy worked hard. He worked for about 15 hours, picking up an extra shift so he could be off during her baptism yesterday, which ended up not happening due to her ear infection. He's the kind of daddy who will be involved in her life, for the big and small things. And tomorrow, after the 15-hour day, he'll get up early with her and spend all day with her, and be giving and caring and compassionate towards her, even if he is exhausted. And then he'll do it the next day, too.

 Her daddy is a pretty special guy, and we are both so lucky to call him ours. (Happy V Day!)