The Act of Listening

I can't say I'm always the best listener.  (Just ask Jake.)  I hear a lot of things, a lot of buzz around me, and I can usually recite it back to you.  But that's not listening.  I pride myself on BEING THERE for people when they WANT or NEED me, and gosh, if you have something interesting to say, my interest is piqued and therefore I'm more apt to listen to you.  But day and in and day out, with all the digital/corporate/business/relationship/social noise around me, I'll admit that it's hard for me to listen, to focus on what's being said.  Our minds get tired.  My mind gets tired.  Especially week 3 day 1 of a new job (still awesome, btw!)


Listening is hard!  We all need to slow down in this fast-paced world we live in.  It's what stopping to smell the roses is all about: getting lost in the details of the ones we love, our culture, the world around us.  Some people are really good listeners - and it's really quite an art, don't you think?  


I think back to when I was a child and my parents would invite over a large group of friends.  I always had a few personal favorites - and when I think about it now, I realize there was a common denominator amongst them.  They each paid close attention to me, they listened to me.  I remember one night pulling each of my junky toys out of my junk toy drawer, one by one, to show my dad's friend Abe.  He was so enthralled in what I had to share with him and he was completely focused on me.  My parents' friends who talked a lot and told stories of themselves didn't impress me.  No - it was the friends who showed compassion in what I had to share - and it felt good to get their undivided attention.  And not just at age four - I don't think the desire for attention ever goes away!  We want someone to hear our story.  We want to connect.  And how can you connect without listening?  


So I'm trying to get better at really listening.  Not just hearing, but really listening.


It's a great tactic in business, too.  I'm finding more and more that it's not enough to listen to your friends & allies - the people who care about you - but also your people you disagree with!  Not that I have tons of enemies, but to gain credibility by listening to people who don't have a reason to care about me - that's power.  


So that's a great goal for 2010.  Maybe I'll improve a bit.  I'm sure I'll notice some new things along the way.  Right now, I'm going to find out more about Jake's day - and really listen.  It might freak him out and he might raise an eyebrow, but it'll be great practice!