The Book on Leadership

Someday I want to write a book - a book about the messiest part of business: the human part. In this book I plan to tell stories and recall some of my most distinct moments over the years, in hopes of helping someone else figure out their own path, both professional and personal. I say both because I don't believe you can simply separate the two- you are who you are (if you're doing it right, at least.)

What I love about my job is the freedom I'm given to think philosophically about deep topics such as what I write about here, and have discussions that give us new insight into the way people work. (What is harder, and the more challenging/frustrating part, is the actual application of these philosophies.) This week I was given the opportunity to experience the culmination of my yearlong HR development program. In this program, I've been lucky to meet and work with about 20 HR professionals in our organization with the goal of exploring leadership together. We discussed leadership - both formal and informal - in the hopes of gaining insight into who we are and who we want to be in our careers. I was lucky to learn from my peers throughout the year, and came away with some awesome thoughts that I never want to forget.

Okay, I also realize that the below ideas sound sort of cheesy, but I encourage you to take them beyond face value. Look harder. Think about them. Stop rolling your eyes. The people we like working with and working for actually put these ideas into action!

1. The importance of vulnerability No one is perfect, and when you pretend to be, no one believes you anyways. The only thing that comes from guarding yourself too closely is a lack of trust from those around you. There is an amazing TED talk by Brene Brown, which you can find here: Brene Brown on Vulnerability A few key nuggets: "The people who have a sense of love and belonging are the people who believe they are worthy of love and belonging." That's half the battle: believe you are worthy! In all of her studies, Brene learned that the people who were most authentic "believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful." How to quit the self-doubt? See #6 below. 
2. Be yourself. Along the same lines , the best way to be you is to be YOU. Brene talks about being whole-hearted - I'd say it's the only way to be. If you try to be something you're not, you'll erode trust of those around you, and you'll try so hard to be consistent in your facade that you'll exhaust yourself. People will see right through you, anyways. 
3. Assume positive intent. I cannot say enough about this one. It is of utmost importance when on the receiving end of imperfect. People will let you down; they will make mistakes, fail, and fall short. Our job is not to point out those shortcomings, failures, mistakes. The way we make others feel has a direct impact on how they will act around us going forward. If something bad/strange/annoying/frustrating happens, there might be more to the story. If we err, we should err on the side of grace over skepticism. Without every bit of information, we create stories in our minds to make conclusions about a situation. Part of this process is simply the pace of the world today. But often these conclusions include judgments that are not true, and we infer things about others that put them in a negative light. How many people get up in the morning hoping they will fail today? Most people are also out there just trying to succeed, connect with others, and feel secure and loved. If that is our first assumption, our outlooks and the way we make others feel will dramatically improve.
4. Model the way. We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people. We can talk about the importance of vulnerability but then remain closed off to others. Or we can say "I sure hate those people who always think they're right," and then point out all the times we were right. We think we have to point out our actions. I remember reading somewhere, "If you have to say you are, you aren't." It's like when people try to say "I'm being a good friend by telling you that (insert bad news here)." The truly good friend doesn't have to point out that they're being a good friend; the way they share the bad news and they way they model compassion for the other person speaks volumes more than if it were pointed out explicitly.
5. Practice authority over power. Power is given by the rulebook; authority is given by those around you. Be the person people want to follow just because, instead of the one people have to follow based on title, politics, motives, coercion, etc. If you have to force it, the effort will be that much harder, every single time.
6. Just do it! (Silence the inner critic) This one is awesome. Of all of these, I struggle a great deal here. I have a fear of failure, and I think that if something doesn't go as planned, the sky (and my career) is falling. Sometimes, I fear action so much that it results in inaction. What if I ask the wrong question? What if I make a stupid comment? What if they don't like me? Instead of swirling through every possible negative "what if?" I'm trying to JUST DO IT. The beauty of this: I will be vulnerable and I will be myself. And (most of the time), it will turn out well, which will help immensely with #7:
7. You can’t love others until you love yourself. We all heard this from our moms when trying to find Mr. Right, but it applies way beyond romantic love. A big part of leadership is love, as described in The Servant, the act of love towards another human being. This does not mean you have to always like the person, but to respect them enough to treat them in the highest possible regard. All of the above will help with loving others, but the first step is making sure you love yourself. How does that happen? Positive self-talk. Actions that lead to success. Learning. Talking to others (when you realize you're really not alone). Practice. Practice. Practice. You have the control here. (More in my other post about Control Theory.)

That's probably enough waxing philosophical for now. At this point, I'm heading into the holiday season super pumped for a bunch of Kennedy's "firsts" !!