The Act of Listening

I can't say I'm always the best listener.  (Just ask Jake.)  I hear a lot of things, a lot of buzz around me, and I can usually recite it back to you.  But that's not listening.  I pride myself on BEING THERE for people when they WANT or NEED me, and gosh, if you have something interesting to say, my interest is piqued and therefore I'm more apt to listen to you.  But day and in and day out, with all the digital/corporate/business/relationship/social noise around me, I'll admit that it's hard for me to listen, to focus on what's being said.  Our minds get tired.  My mind gets tired.  Especially week 3 day 1 of a new job (still awesome, btw!)


Listening is hard!  We all need to slow down in this fast-paced world we live in.  It's what stopping to smell the roses is all about: getting lost in the details of the ones we love, our culture, the world around us.  Some people are really good listeners - and it's really quite an art, don't you think?  


I think back to when I was a child and my parents would invite over a large group of friends.  I always had a few personal favorites - and when I think about it now, I realize there was a common denominator amongst them.  They each paid close attention to me, they listened to me.  I remember one night pulling each of my junky toys out of my junk toy drawer, one by one, to show my dad's friend Abe.  He was so enthralled in what I had to share with him and he was completely focused on me.  My parents' friends who talked a lot and told stories of themselves didn't impress me.  No - it was the friends who showed compassion in what I had to share - and it felt good to get their undivided attention.  And not just at age four - I don't think the desire for attention ever goes away!  We want someone to hear our story.  We want to connect.  And how can you connect without listening?  


So I'm trying to get better at really listening.  Not just hearing, but really listening.


It's a great tactic in business, too.  I'm finding more and more that it's not enough to listen to your friends & allies - the people who care about you - but also your people you disagree with!  Not that I have tons of enemies, but to gain credibility by listening to people who don't have a reason to care about me - that's power.  


So that's a great goal for 2010.  Maybe I'll improve a bit.  I'm sure I'll notice some new things along the way.  Right now, I'm going to find out more about Jake's day - and really listen.  It might freak him out and he might raise an eyebrow, but it'll be great practice!

A Balancing Act

I moved to Chile in February 2003 for a six-month study abroad program.  Two days before leaving, I was diagnosed with mono.  I remember coming home from my goodbye visit to GAC to tell my parents that yes - I had the kissing disease.  And yes - I was going on a 14 hour flight to a new country with mono, which can wear some people out for weeks to months.  


My program director told me to take it easy during orientation, so I did, and luckily, I had the shortest and mildest bout of mono I've ever heard of.  Could I have panicked and delayed my trip?  Yes. Could I have expected the worst? Of course.  Part of my life mantra is to expect the best - and I don't just mean expect it, but BELIEVE that it will actually happen.  There is a whole series called "The Secret" which my mother-in-law introduced me to - it talks about the laws of attraction and how positive thinking attracts positive results.  (The Secret might have to be its own blog post one day).


Today I'm focusing on the fact that life happens and we have to balance what comes at us.  BUT, if we ever find that we are off balance, or aren't balancing the right things, we become complacent, stagnant, uninspired.


Right now my life is arguably the craziest it's ever been.  New marriage, new pet, three grad school classes, and I'm starting a new job tomorrow morning.  What?!  Time for myself??  Hardly. This year I had to give up on American Idol and America's Next Top Model altogether.  But the things I am doing are MUCH more inspiring than reality television.


I was nervous to start the part-time MBA program while working full time.  I didn't think I would have time to myself.  However, balancing acts require you to be more creative with your time.  Time becomes more of a commodity, more valuable.  Balancing acts require you to prioritize, focus on the things that really matter during the little free time you have.  And accomplishments - like the final I'm going to take on Wednesday, or the promotion I got - they make the craziness all worth it.  


Some days I have to tell myself to breathe, but really, if I didn't do these things, I would be wasting life.  Don't get me wrong, I can relax with the best of them, but I also value the things that keep me busy.  Glamour's editor-in-chief, Cindi Leive, once wrote about her early days as a staffer.  She would sleep four hours a night, putting in 12 hour days at the office and going out with friends and coworkers every night.  She said that life is too short to be sleeping.  While I have to disagree that sleep is a waste of time (!), I do agree that we don't always focus our time where we want to, and we hesitate to take on challenges, interests, and hobbies.  Though I'll one day be extremely thrilled to graduate, I'm sure at that point I'll take on other interests, such as community ed oil painting, Italian cooking, golf lessons, or heck, maybe have children!  These things fulfill our lives and make us excited to get up in the morning.  I've spent plenty of time worrying about not having enough time to get it all done, but in reality, it will all get done, and I will be excited by the result.  As I head into my first day tomorrow with the serious beginnings of a head cold, I realize that's just part of the package, and I'll be fine, and I'll focus on the good parts and love every minute along the way.

Goodbye, Familiarity...

I leave my job in Global Trade Services (GTS) on Friday.  That means I leave the place I've worked for the past 6 years.  6 years - that's the longest I've done anything in my life!  When I started as an Imports EIT after college graduation, I never dreamt the journey in GTS would be this long, and this fulfilling.  I have learned so much and met so many great people along the way.  A lot of those people have since moved on, and now, it's my time to move on.


People ask me how I'm feeling - I'm excited, but scared.  Scared because I do like familiarity.  I like when people know me.  I don't mean just know me, but really know me.  There's a difference.  As much as I like to pretend I'm fearless, I'm really not.


Things I am going to remember as I leave this world of GTS, and head out to another area of Target:

• Yes, I'm still at Target!  We are one big company.  We have one culture and vision, so leaving GTS does not mean leaving all things familiar.
• Take time to myself.  I will always be familiar with myself, so when I feel overwhelmed, spend time reflecting on the things I learned, the people I met, and how they fit into the little world of Allison.
• Don't be too hard on myself.  Ask questions!  No question is a stupid one.  I have to remind myself of that all the time.
• Don't forget the people who have helped shape who I am so far.  They are still there for me, I can lean on them, and they will continue to shape me going forward.
• Be myself.  Being myself has gotten me through 27 years successfully - I have the tools and personality to make the next stage happen, too.
• Smile, a lot.  First impressions matter a lot.  I can't say I'm a master at first impressions, more at lasting impressions.  So limp along through the first impression, make it decent, smile, be myself, and the lasting impression will come naturally. !!!

Okay big world, here we come.  There's no time like the present.

Honeymoon, you say?

Life is a honeymoon.  Why would I title my blog such a silly name?  Silly.  I think that's one of my favorite words.  WELL - you see, when Jake and I were on our actual honeymoon, I started to have these thoughts about life, and how IT is the real honeymoon.  2 weeks in Hawaii, gallivanting around with my love, was obviously quite blissful.  That is a total "DUH" statement.  And of course not every day will be that way.  But if all I hope for are those few moments each year where I'm not responsible for anything but regularly applying sunscreen, then I'm not truly living life.  I find I'm often so destination-focused, and when I was in Hawaii, I was SO journey-focused.  So how do I bring that back to my everyday life?  What do I need to do to slow down and pay attention to what's going on around me?  My sister Natalie is really good at this.  She told me that she rarely attends things just out of obligation.  "But you see, Allison," she said, "if I'm with you, you'll know it's exactly where I want to be."  How many of us spend most of our time exactly where we want to be?  I think Natalie's onto something.

Post 1: Thoughts on Blogging

Say it ain't so - we're starting a blog!  And by "we", I really mean "me".  Jake's thoughts will come through this blog in various ways, but probably not by him typing into the computer. It will most likely be me writing about our conversations or giving him credit for ideas I write about.  Maybe one day it will be a family blog.  For now, it's just me, Allison, recapping my thoughts, in hopes of updating you on our lives and our world, and hopefully adding a bit of entertainment along the way.


We lead a busy life, with lots of activity, so I imagine finding time to blog will not be an easy task!  But that is also exactly why I'm starting this.  At Christmas, Jake searched for a journal to give me.  He noticed that I used to write a lot, but hardly write anymore.  It was such a touching gesture.  I agree that I haven't found time to write down my thoughts as often as I used to, nor as often as I'd like.  So perhaps this blog will serve as a journal in some ways. I would imagine when we have kids, I'll want to post pictures of them for family and friends to keep up, and in the meantime it'd be great to have some practice blogging, to establish myself in the blogosphere.


What does being established online look like?  More to come on that, and your comments and ideas are appreciated.  For now, thank you for the warm welcome.  It means the world to me.