Control Theory

Growing up, I'd hear my mom (an educator) talk about her approach to teaching, to parenting, to life. A lot of it came from this idea of Control Theory (also known as Choice Theory) by William Glasser. I didn't always pay attention to the details, and I'm sure I don't totally have the theory right, but if you visit the link you can learn a little more about it and how it might apply in your life. The #1 rule: "The only person whose behavior we can control is our own." Supporting this, the theory acknowledges that almost all behavior is chosen, and the only thing we can give another person is information. We cannot control them. They will act in their own way - so instead of trying to control the behavior of others, and the way they "make" us act and feel, focus on the control we have over how WE act and feel.

I've gotta say, the concept of Control Theory has been going through my head recently, as I'm in such a state of zero control over when this baby arrives, that I have to tell myself to choose my attitude each and every moment of the day. I'm asked a million times a day "How are you doing?" "How are you feeling?""When is she gonna come?" and my favorite: "No baby yet?" Sometimes the smile and response comes easily, while other moments I have to bite my tongue to keep a smile on my face and stay positive. I realize people who ask are just trying to share their excitement, show interest, and convey empathy. I would be sad if my current state were not being acknowledged.

This lack of control over baby's arrival is a great way to prepare me for motherhood. I'd say that not knowing is my least favorite part right now - this could go on for a few more hours, or a week or two! But the state of continual gray is not going to end when she arrives. My life is not completely on my terms anymore. Baby Girl is just showing me a glimpse into life on her terms, and while we will strive for a balance, it will not always be easy. So right now I'm thinking that I'm incredibly lucky to have learned about Control Theory from my mom, and that this little girl is gonna have a grandma who can help bring her mama back to earth when she feels like she's completely lost it.

Get excited, the next post COULD be introducing our new family member! (Or not, we just don't know. And we're learning how that can be a beautiful thing, too.)

The Baby, The Five Senses, and Patience

6 days and counting... and I really hope we don't go into overtime. This entire pregnancy I've said that I can only envision myself going early. Now with each passing day, when I wake up the next morning and think to myself, "I'm STILL pregnant," I realize that life is no longer on my terms! It's on the baby's terms. She (and biology, and fate) will determine when she is ready to join us. In the meantime, I realize how LUCKY and BLESSED I am to be surrounded by such wonderful people. People who are keeping me moving, busy, checking in, helping keep my mind from focusing on labor every waking moment. Last weekend I had breakfast with a friend who is due the same day as me (she is still pregnant too!) And a photo shoot with my friend Trace, at his house against a cool red backdrop. Here are a couple of the full term pics.

Then last night I got a text from a dear high school friend who wanted to go for a walk. "Let's get that baby moving!" she said. So today we walked around Uptown, which has made me feel even better. Now tonight, I'm going to game night with friends, which will surely help the time pass by.

I am trying my hardest to be patient, and while it's not always easy, being around people like this has made all the difference. I know how important it is to surround yourself with great people - and this has solidified yet another reason, another time in life when being around the right people has made things just feel right.

Last night I was laying in bed thinking about how much I really know this baby. How much, but actually, how little. The thought of meeting her for the first time is very surreal, and I think part of it is that I've only used one sense to know her thus far. I can feel her. From her first flutters in late September, to the punches and kicks she throws now. Jake and I were in giggles the other night and how hard her kicks were - they were frighteningly strong! Soon I will be able to add some other senses - sight, smell, and the sound of her little voice. Until then, the support of my family and friends, and the first of the five senses we share, will have to suffice.

T-Shirt Blankets

In a recent post, I had mentioned my endeavor to create a blanket out of old t-shirts. See, over the years I've saved all of these t-shirts from college intramurals, sorority banquets, concerts, and South American travels. To name a few. While getting ready for baby, I've realized I can't just keep all of these t-shirts in a dresser in the laundry room. I'm going to need that dresser to juggle our ever growing closets between seasons!

So, three good friends and I got together over four weekends this winter, cut our squares and pieced them together by sewing rows and columns and batting and backing. We each have our own memories to patch into our own t-shirt blanket. Mine consists of 30 brightly colored squares, and here it is:

I'm such a sucker for memories and nostalgia, and by working on this blanket I've been able to revisit some of the best times in my life. Of course lately, I've been a bit more nostalgic when thinking of my "past life" than usual, as I'm starting to make a huge transition and look forward into what will become a "new normal" - that is the life of being a mommy, of caring for someone and loving someone in a completely new way. And of sharing those moments with my daughter's daddy, knowing that our marriage will only be as strong as we allow ourselves to make it. We're about to embark on a crazy adventure called parenting, and while some days it is bound to feel impossible, it is SO going to be worth it.

I also have this feeling that the next 30 t-shirts that are gathered in this house will be those displaying memories that our daughter has yet to experience, and I look forward to patching together a blanket some day for her to carry her favorite memories with her always.

My Thread

Today, I've been using a lot of thread. I'm not kidding - real sewing thread! Three of my favorite girls (Stillwater Ponies Golf Team) and I have spent 4 weekend days since the beginning of January making t-shirt blankets. Yes, I am over 8 months pregnant and just today *almost* finished my latest hobby, a 30 square t-shirt blanket. 

If you know me, you know I love memories and get nostalgic about remnants that keep things alive in my mind. So in early January, when I casually mentioned that I have a dresser full of old t-shirts in my laundry room, just waiting to make a t-shirt blanket, I was happy to hear that Libby, Whitney and Emily ALL had the same sort of collection. (Of course up until that day, only Emily had ever made one of these!) So as we tend to do, we said, "Why not? Let's do it!" (We had the same response to our idea to drive overnight to Penn State to surprise our fifth, which turned out to be one of the best Memorial Day weekends of my life.

Anyways, more on the t-shirt blanket in a future blog post. For now, I just find it ironic that I've been playing with thread and thinking a lot about the thread I follow.

My last post included a poem about the notion of thread, how we each follow a thread, and as long as we hold onto it, we can never get lost. It talked about the transitions in life, and how things change and move around us, but we never let go of our thread. At last fall's GAC Retreat, we read the poem together and were tasked with depicting our thread visually. This was the image I created with oil pastels and watercolor paint.

For me, it's extremely timely to remember the thread I follow and what it looks like. The warm colors indicate the passion and fire in which I live my life, and the blues and greens that surround it are the calm support I receive from others (first and foremost, from my amazing husband). 

Cool surrounding warm. Calm surrounding intensity. Some gray and black along the edges, but only in spurts, and for the most part, kept at bay. A bright, winding, twisting and turning thread, continually climbing and leaving the frame higher than where it started.

It goes on forever like this! I'm so excited to meet this baby, but I've also been feeling like the transition from married couple to parents, independent woman to baby mama, ME to WE is a bit intimidating and scary. It's going to be so great, but I can't help but wonder when I'll feel lost, and how I'll find my way back.

I've just got to remember the thread.

The Way It Is

Tonight I attended a reunion dinner with the great people I got to know on a more personal level at the Courage and Renewal Retreat that I attended this fall. These were mostly Gustie alumni, and I have written a couple posts about the retreat. Tonight inspired me to revisit my folder of words, poems, writings, and art that I created during that warm, October weekend. We reconnected over dinner at Buca and while our time together had been brief, it was refreshing to see these people again.

The last activity at the retreat was to write a letter to ourselves, to arrive in the mail at a later, undetermined date. The letter arrived right around Christmas, roughly 2 months after the retreat. To be honest, I have not yet opened the letter! I felt it was a bit too close to the actual event, but after dinner tonight, I think I'm almost ready. I remember some of what I wrote in there, but not all of it. I'm excited to be refreshed by reading what I was thinking and feeling at that time. (I plan to post most, if not all, of the letter after I open it, so stay tuned!)

In the meantime, here is a poem I found in the folder that I just absolutely LOVE. It's so true. I also painted a picture based on this poem, and I will post the picture next time. For now, just soak in these words:

"The Way It Is"


There's a thread you follow
It goes among things that change
But it doesn't change.


People wonder about what you are pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.


While you hold it you can't get lost. 
Tragedies happen, people get hurt
or die; and you suffer and get old.


Nothing you do can stop time's unfolding
You don't ever let go of the thread.


-William Stafford

Next to this poem, I had handwritten a few words:
friendships
passions
values
stories
relationships
experiences

I *think* I wrote these words because this is what the thread is about to me. It's such a soothing piece, to think about how my life follows a thread, a path, something that does not change even with all of the change happening around it in every direction. Change, transition, and moving on have always scared me a bit. I cling to memories with a nostalgia and melancholy that really can't be beat. Even while preparing myself for this amazing baby girl, I find myself already getting nostalgic for the way it is. I like how things are, and change requires growth, renewal, and fear of the unknown.

But when I think about the thread, I feel a bit more at peace. We all hang onto our threads, and it's okay if you don't see mine. I hope that you can see it, but if you can't, or if it doesn't make sense to you, that's okay too. If our threads cross once, twice, or numerous times, that's also okay - each of those moments is meaningful and I will take something away from that crossing, however big or small it may be.

Think about the thread you hold onto and what it means to you. I'll share the illustration of my thread in my next post, but for now, I hope the idea of our threads brings comfort and maybe even reminds us of why we are here.

Childbirth Classes! And Callie.

Tonight was the last night of childbirth classes! We've gone for four weeks now, on Tuesdays, and to be honest, learned a ton! I never had considered some of the great things we talked about, and I'd say they made me even more excited for what's to come. I am anxious, nervous, a bit fearful, but more than anything, these classes gave way for a feeling of excitement. We went through with about 14 other couples, and most are due mid March like us. It'll be interesting to see if any of them are at the hospital when we are there!

My belly hasn't stopped growing either, as you can tell from the picture here. This was probably 8 weeks ago too - not that the growth has continued at the same pace, but you can really see the bowling ball effect that my small frame has created! Baby girl is growing, and for this, we are extremely happy. (Oh, she's somewhere between the size of a honeydew and a pineapple right now, and probably over 4 lbs.)

Another thing that's been weighing on my mind lately (in a good way) is thinking about Little Miss Callie and how she will adjust to the baby in the house. She is just truly my pride and joy, and we're coming up on her 2nd anniversary of coming home to us this weekend. 2 years ago we had paid the deposit for her and were just waiting and waiting for the vet to say she had gained enough weight (2 lbs. in total!) that she could leave her mama and come home to us. She was the runt of the litter, and boy were we lucky to get her. I can't wait to see how she does with the baby! Honestly I think she will fight for attention for awhile, but once she realizes the baby is here to stay, she'll be just as loving and caring and watchful over her as she is over Jake and me. It's only been 2 years and I can't imagine our family without her - and I know in early 2014, I'll be saying the same exact thing about our little wobbling, wandering, giggly daughter.

Yes, girls rule this household. Get excited, Jake!! :)

My Three Favorite Christmas Songs

I like to classify things - I always have. Most things in my life fall into "love" or "hate" categories, and my opinions are rarely a surprise to those around me. I realized this once again when playing Cranium Whoonu with my work team this week over lunch. From a player's hand of 4 nouns, the person has to select the card that the 'judge' will be drawn to. When I'm the judge, I get a LOT of words that are a really good fit. Top competitors included Sleeping In, Walking the Dog, Daydreaming, Golf, Bookstores. Yes, these things are all obviously me.

Today I'd like to officially classify my three favorite Christmas songs, hoping to get you even more in the spirit of what's to come this week. These may have been sparked by some pretty unconventional versions, but I have truly loved every rendition I've heard of these classics over the years. What are YOUR favorites??

1) Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, as first sung by Bert and Ernie on Christmas Eve on Sesame Street. I have very early memories of watching this movie every year, and completely loving this part. It warms my heart! My memories of this song date back to the 1980s, and this would be my first favorite. (PS - Can't wait to share this all-time classic movie w/ Baby Girl!)

2) Oh Holy Night, as sung by Christina Aguilera on her Christmas album from 2000. She's got a voice, you can't deny it. I will forever love Christina. This version sparked my love for this song and the feeling it brings right up to Christmas Day!

3) The Christmas Song, most recently sung by Keith Urban on CMA Country Christmas about a month ago. When asked to describe his favorite Christmas songs, he said he loves the songs that have a bit of melancholy, nostalgia, real sentiment. (Do you SEE why I love this guy?!)

ENJOY!
Wishing you all an incredibly Merry Christmas! 

Thankful

This year, I'm feeling oh-so-thankful. Maybe it's because I have more time to think about things, envision our future growing family, become attuned with the next chapter in life... but it just seems like the good keeps on coming. I've always believed in The Secret (long before it was the secret) and how much positivity attracts positive outcomes. But sometimes I have to say to myself, wow, does it REALLY work this way? I'm going to run through the alphabet, as we often do around the Thanksgiving meal, which will not only be reflective but also ensure I'm prepared for Thursday's dinner :)


A) Apples. Honestly, my biggest craving since being pregnant! I don't know what it is, they are just so juicy and crunchy, and I seriously eat a couple a day. I suppose there could be worse cravings...


B) Balance. I'm really trying to achieve balance in my life in the upcoming year, probably in part because I know new motherhood will take it out of me. The past three years I've run around the world like a crazy person for school, wedding planning, wedding attending, and now I'm getting ready for some serious chill time.


C) Callaway. A true constant light in my life. She has been so clingy lately, and I'm curious to see how she does with the baby. I think she'll adjust, but I will always ALWAYS cherish the time that the two of us spend together (even after the baby is born, we will need it!)


D) Days off work. I've been trying to preserve these for next summer, but I have a couple good trips coming up. Honestly, not being at work when the rest of the world is at work feels so GREAT!


E) E! News, which is a GREAT decompressor from a long day. Really, you should try it sometime.


F) Family. Our family has shifted a lot over the past year, and will continue to do so. Generations are changing roles, and new traditions are starting to take place. I look forward to the future with family (both biological, and those friends who are truly like family to us). On a similar note...


G) Grandparents. We lost both grandpas this year, and while I felt okay at that time, they still linger in my thoughts and heart on an almost daily basis. I often drive past things that ooze Grandpa Bill, being our lives were so intertwined. And with the holidays coming, lately I've pictured Christmas Eve at Grandpa Orlo's, sleeping with the cousins in the back bedroom, getting ready for Christmas Eve Mass, eating Hormel ham and waking up to his famous french toast. These are great memories that are forever with me, and on the grandparents theme, I look forward to seeing the Jake's and my parents become grandparents and share such traditions with my children.


H) Hot weather. We had some HEAT this July, and to be honest, I loved every minute of it! 


I) India. January was an incredible experience, one of those that come around only a few times in a lifetime. I hope to go back (and take Jake with me!) someday.

J) Jake. Predictable I know, but we are really lucky. Between our work trips, we will have spent a couple months apart this year, and that time truly reminds me of how deeply important he is. I'm one lucky girl.


K) Keith Urban. He knocked my socks off at the most recent concert! Best concert I've been to in a few years. Seriously love him.


L) Lena Svenson. Yes, the radio DJ who just left the Dave Ryan show on KDWB. I have enjoyed waking up to her every weekday for the past 4 years, and now she is gone! I am not quite sure how they'll replace her, but I said that about Corey Foley back in the day, too.


M) MacBrook Pro. My new MacBook is honestly awesome, and I got a great deal on it with my student discount (and recycled my old one for an Apple gift card - great program!)


N) Natalie. Honestly, the best sister ever. It's been fun spending more and more time together each year we get older. I think this will only continue, especially because she's going to be such a fabulous auntie.


O) OE, or Organizational Effectiveness, in entirety. I've been lucky to work on this broader team for the past 19 months, and it is truly great. Yes, we all have things we like and don't like about our jobs, but this is a good one for me because it fits well with my strengths and interests.


P) Pinterest. Not just because of what it is, but what it stands for - continuous innovation on the Internet. After they come out, I always say "why didn't I think of this?!" Well one of these days, watch out, it might just happen.


Q) Quiet time. I went on the GAC retreat with my dear friend Emily in October, and we experienced so much silence - at first it felt strange, but I am learning to enjoy it! Often I run from the buzz of work, to my car radio, to the television, but these days am learning to enjoy the sound of nothing.


R) Rice Paper. This is a restaurant that Crystal and Matt introduced us to earlier this year, and it's pretty great!


S) Steve Jobs. I've been a Mac girl since before he made this company huge, but it's been awesome to see a genius at work. THAT is an example of a life worth living. RIP, Steve.


T) Traditions with friends. We've gotten into a fairly standard groove. We celebrate birthdays over fondue, have Friendsgiving brunch the Saturday after Thanksgiving, do annual highs and lows at the Christmas party at my house, and generally just enjoy time together.


U) Ultrasounds - and all technology that have helped me see, hear, and learn about the growing baby girl!


V) Vampires, and specifically vampire movies (aka Breaking Dawn). I left this one just happy. I didn't love the first couple movies (though I loved the books), but this one has a romance and plot that I just can NOT stop thinking about.


W) White Noise. Jake got me a machine from Brookstone last Christmas, and I have to say, it's just soothing. It's been such a great addition to our sleep haven (aka bedroom). 


X) The most difficult letter, of course. This year I really can't think of something good, so I'm going to to cheat a little and pick one of my fav 2011 songs - by Katy Perry, called E.T. But it stands for Extraterrestrial - Xtraterrestrial - get it?!


Y) Youth. We start turning 30 this year, people. It's crazy. I have heard it's no big deal, but I definitely don't feel like a kid anymore (maybe because I'm baking one). BUT anything that will continue to make me feel young is welcome in my book!


Z) Zynga, the maker of Words with Friends and Hanging with Friends. These apps have made my evenings so much fun, and even Jake gets into playing the games sometimes!

Life Lessons from Callie's 2nd Year

From this... (first pic of Callie from the breeder)

 ...to this (2 days before her 2nd birthday)

Well, people, I have now spent two full years on this planet!  That means - yes - it's time for me to write again and share all my knowledge and wisdom with you. I think I have learned a lot this year. Not only did I learn to use the ramp to get up and down from the bed, I also shake the water from my body on command before getting out of the shower. And above, you can see me sitting and waiting as patiently as I can for my favorite thing - a TREAT!  In more insightful news:

1. Give more love than you think you can ever receive. Just try it - you'll be amazed at the amount of love are given in return. There is no limit to how much we can love one another.
2. Show people how much you care! This might mean kisses, cuddling, jumping for joy, or just being with them through happiness and tears. If you love someone, show them. They will get so much out of the relationship, and you will, too.
3. Use your senses to assess the situation. You don't need too many facts or data - just use your sight, hearing, touch, taste, and smell (my personal favorite!) My nose twitches when I'm sniffing something out, and my findings are usually spot on.
4. Ask for what you want. Be it through sitting politely, begging, whining, or even the occasional bark (or yell!), people can only help you get what you want if you ask them for it!
5. Stay up late and sleep in when you can. When the blinds are closed and it's dark outside, don't feel guilty if you stay in bed all day, only getting up to use the bathroom.
6. Turn off the technology. Sometimes when Allison is on the computer, I hop right up and sit between her and the screen, so she can't see what she's doing. She doesn't need to be on it anyways; instead, she should be spending time with her loved ones (me included!)
7. Get outside, even when it's cold out. The fresh air will invigorate you, and make you thankful for the central heat that we often take for granted.
8. Find your people. We all have them. And once you find them, hang on tightly - they are why we exist.

See last year's birthday post here.

Love, Callie

Larry Larry M

Tonight I went to wing night with my fantastic in-laws.  Just the three of us.  Jake was working, and I wanted to see them so I drove through rush hour traffic to meet them at their Thursday night bar and grill.  There we were, enjoying their weekly tradition, being served by the waitress who has become truly a friend.  My in-laws have been going to "wing night" for years and have been able to develop this relationship with the server, an extremely sweet girl who knows exactly what we want every time.  This server even invited them to her wedding, and last week, when she had found out we're having a baby girl, sent home a bag of thoughtfully selected pink gifts for Baby Matthies.

These are the kinds of things that make my heart smile.  My father-in-law is a simple man and would never claim to be otherwise.  He is completely happy waking up well before the sun rises, heading to work before most of the world is awake, starting his evening with a cigar in the garage and ribs on the grill, building traditions like Thursday night wings and spending his weekends in solitude or with his close family.  And I've really found a lot of beauty in this life he leads.  He has shown me how life can happen by avoiding the hustle and bustle, opting out of the rat race and choosing to find true happiness in the simplest of things.  I realize that these family traditions and fascinating relationships, like the one with the Thursday night server, don't happen to people who are too busy racing from one thing to the next, people who are focused on impressing society while worried to slow down their lives and let things happen.  Their lifestyle reminds me of living in a small town, but they're actually in a Minneapolis suburb - so they get to experience the best of both worlds.

My father-in-law is predictable - he has the same jokes and shares the same sense of humor as his father and his son. There is so much about him that I see Jake turning into, and quite honestly, I'm okay with that!  I realize more and more how sharing my life with Jake makes me a better person.  I see similar qualities in my marriage to Jake that I see in the marriage that my in-laws have endured for over 30 years.

We'll be spending the week of Christmas together, and growing up I never could have envisioned having to miss my own parents on Christmas.  Now I realize how grateful I am to have extended my family - really doubled it - into the great thing that it is today.